'Twas the night before Christmas,
and God it was neat
The kids were both gone,
and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted,
and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky,
by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy,
and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom
and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn
there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner
and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window,
I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade
while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest
of the snowman we'd built,
Shoved a broom up his ass
clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh
and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver,
half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear,
and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking,
he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team,
but it didn't sound right.

"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole,
whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig,
or I'll cut off your nuts."

"Look out for the lamp post,
and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh,
'cause I gotta pee. "

They cleared the old lamp post,
the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out
and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof
we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer
now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket
to cover my ass,
When down the chimney
Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly
with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum
and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel,"
he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped,
I'll just stay here awhile."

He walked to the kitchen,
himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker
and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh,
my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung
nearly down to his knees.

Back in the den,
Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone,
and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found
was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun
with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms
was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties,
the edible kind.

A bra without nipples,
a penis extension,
And several other things
that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string,
and all types of oil,
A dildo so long,
it lay in a coil.

This stuff ain't for kids,
Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here,
and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking
and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug
tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh,
but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass
and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated,
took the reins of his hitch,
"Take me home Rudolph,
this night's been a bitch!"

The sleigh was near gone
when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex
is that it never wears out!"

Reminder: set Kiddie Block on the computer tom'w to fit ARFCOM as well.....[:D]

[LOL]

That was [b]so[/b] wrong.

[lol] [lol2]