Check the sig line.

SRM

so you wear the pants. But she picks them out.

What's brought this spurt of introspection on, Steyr?  What did you read?
And you didn't ask MY permission before you could read it!

The vast majority of my childhood was spent looking forward to the day that I would finally be an adult and "in charge" of my life.

That is me right now

Quoted: The vast majority of my childhood was spent looking forward to the day that I would finally be an adult and "in charge" of my life. When I could finally do what I wanted, when I wanted. But I look around at a LOT of "adults" and they are constantly having to get "permission" for this or that. Mostly from the wives (which I can sorta understand) but some even from families (wtf over?). What is the point of moving out and paying your own way if you are still gonna be beholden to someone else? Hell sometimes I get annoyed if my wife justs asks me a lot of questions. This is mostly a hold over from having to account for myself as a kid and not enjoying having to answer to anyone. Now I'm responsible enough to set my own boundries. In other words I'm not gonna blow the mortgage payment to try and finance a Ferarri. And in addition to my needs I know the wife has stuff she'd like to buy too. I try and be fair about all of this. But no way do I have to "ask" for approval for things I can afford. Nor do I have to get permission to do stuff with my friends, I try and let her know in advance so she can do whatever she might feel like doing. Really my only limits are imposed by my income, etc. and not a person deciding otherwise.

I live just like you do. My wife has no complaints!

My fiance and I love each other dearly but we both agree that we each need our own lives.

This inludes the pusuit of our hobbies and interests even if it doesn't interest the other party.

I am self employed so yah,  actually I do what the hell I want when I want.

Hell,  it's monday tomorrow,  I think I'll go shooting at around 2pm,  yah,  that sounds good.

Quoted: Just out having fun today and a couple guys couldn't make it cause they didn't have "permission." And the idea of a grown person still getting "permission" was just completely alien to me.

I think you have the right idea. I typically announce my plans (when I have any) as a matter of courtesy & respect - and also to ensure that I don't fail to hold up my end of any joint responsibilities.

So?  When do you go to court for the divorce?

SGtar15

Lesson hard learned: be polite, but the more you act like a man, the stronger your marriage will be.

Confucious say: It is better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission

most of the married guys I know, don't have any balls....their wife keeps them in their purse. it's the pussification the American male. I don't doubt that 99% of the married members here fall right in that catagory like a glove...only they won't admit it, they rather say things like "we discuss about it first"  

My theory is to cause the wife so much trouble that she supports any hobby/activities that take me away from her.

The voices tell me what to do. I have no choice in the matter.

Quoted: My theory is to cause the wife so much trouble that she supports any hobby/activities that take me away from her.

Hehehe... it's worked for me for the last 30+ years.

No I do not!

Glad that I have some spousal restraint.  I am a weak man and my bank account would be quickly emptied.  Also yy weakness for women would have me in big trouble.  

Seriously I get to do pretty much my own thing.  Spend $$$ on my hobbies and hunt more than most.  Grab a few beers with my buddies once in a while and if you add work, military, daughter, and other obligations, that's about all I have time for anyway.

Now if your talking pussywhipped...not by a long shot.

one of my guiding principles is that it's far better (and easier) to ask for for forgiveness than permission.

No, I cannot do what I want, when I want. There are children, money , my job, and a hundred other factors that play into my adult life. Permission has nothing to do with it...

Quoted: ....In other words I'm not gonna blow the mortgage payment to try and finance a Ferarri. And in addition to my needs I know the wife has stuff she'd like to buy too. I try and be fair about all of this...

Why not and why?

Nope, wife and I never played that game. We both let each other know if we have a trip planned, but never "ask" permission.

But, if you have small kids at home, that does take some pre-planning (which is different).

The hardest thing for me is getting enough time off from work.

Quoted: No, I cannot do what I want, when I want. There are children, money , my job, and a hundred other factors that play into my adult life. Permission has nothing to do with it...

Same here, BUT I agree with what SteyrAUG posted.  I would not ask for 'permission' to do anything nor would I expect my husband to do so if I were married.  I don't want a father and I certainly don't need another kid to 'mother'.  If he is incapable of making his own decisions, I don't need him. Communication is important so that there aren't conflicts; discussing plans would just be respectful.  I don't believe in a person making plans for their spouse before they even discuss it with them either.

Quoted: Communication is important so that there aren't conflicts; discussing plans would just be respectful.  I don't believe in a person making plans for their spouse before they even discuss it with them either.

Well said. This sums up the SOP here at Casa de Jarhead.

My wife has been married before.
Her ex was a short runt pussy who could never make
a decision. Now she is married to a stubborn guy
who pretty much buys and goes where I want and when
depending on the money. My wife says she is
happy about it for the most part.

For example, in her past marriage, if they went
and bought an entertainment center, She would
build it. If they went anywhere or did anything,
she made the decisions.

Now she married me who does all the work and building,
money decision making (sometimes that's not a good thing).
Her past husband was easily influenced, I am not.

So the wife says its like night and day and considering
all the hell she put up with and she is happy about
most things.

She says that is one of the main reasons
she loves me so much.

Who could have thought that I could be loved so
much just for being an asshole!

She complains still don't get me wrong.
But if there is a gun I want bad enough, I will get it. She is pretty easy to please for
the most part.

Hmmm, I have been with the same lovely lady going on 14 years now. Married 9.
We share a life together, sometimes it is hard to do but, we stumble along together, hand in hand. We made a comittement to one another long ago willfully and by choice. We share not only our lives together but finances as well. We do not keep seperate bank accounts and seperate tallies of monetary issues. We have to make decissions together as to what receives a financial priority.
I must say that I am guilty about overplaying the role that Steyr speaks about in his post. I cannot speak for other men, both married and not, I can only speak for myself.  Many times when there is something I want I will blame my wife for not being "allowed" to purchase it. The honest fact is though I am simply making an excuse for lack of finances most of the time.
I along with many others here would like to own all the toys I could get my greedy little hands on, but alass I do not have the financial means to do so.
On a daily basis my wife and I have to decide where our limited funds will go. Retirement savings, college funds, mortgage, car payments, groceries, school bills, medical bills, unforseen bills, fun toys, creditors, and the list sometimes feels like it goes on forever.
We spend our money wisely, we have excellent credit, we own multiple homes, our vehicles are older but, paid off, and we even have some money left over to buy the finer things in life including "toys". We could not have reached this point (for we are only in our early thirties) if we did not RESPECT EACH OTHER and TALK ABOUT OUR HIGH TICKET ITEM PURCHASES FIRST.
We have many times talked each other out of dropping thousands of dollars on a purchase the other felt was "unwise".

So, I do not own expensive NFA items because my wife would if I ever came home with a $15,000 machine gun. Well yes and no. She would because I just spent our bill money on it, which would cause very bad things to happen to our credit. Just like I would her if I came home to find a new living room set tomorrow.
Truth is, some of us use the "My wife would kill me........" lines to cover our own financial inadequecies in a more humorous manner. I just would not 'sound cool' if I said, yeah man I am cannot buy that $1000 gizmo 'cause my cash is already earmarked for (insert bill, payment, etc. here).
I have been doing what I want, when I want, for a decade, and have been fortunate enough not to screw up my finances or my marriage despite the fact.
For humors sake though, sometimes It just doesn't seem that way. Being responsible for more than just yourself has a way of setting your priorities. Sometimes you do not like them thus, you may find ways of making them seem less like priorities. this happens to be the way I do things.


And sometimes, well honestly she would just kill me if I did certain things. For example; Steyr, I would love to fly down to Florida and hang with you next weekend while going out to a strip club or two, getting drunk, and eating lavishly. (yeah right, and leave my 'Honey' at home bored silly)! Yup some thing just ain't gonna happpen.

Just remember its not illegal until you get caught.

I'm so free to do what I want I forget i'm married(14 years and 4 kids) sometimes...

It's one of the falsehoods of life that when you are young you can't wait to be mature so you can do what you want when in reality you had more freedom as a child.

Tj

I find that many times my married friends that will tell you "I don't have to ask permission!", in fact DO, they just like to pretend they don't.  Or don't realize just how much control their wife/girlfriend has over them.
On the flip side, I also know guys that just use it as an excuse for things they can't afford to or don't want to do anyway.
I have been in relationships with women that have tried to get controling, but it never works out.  For me I usually lack the common courtesy element too.  I've spent the last 10 years with nobody really giving a shit where I am or what I do.  It's hard to get it into my head when I'm with someone that they might get worried about me if I don't check in for a day or two.

Quoted: Just out having fun today and a couple guys couldn't make it cause they didn't have "permission." And the idea of a grown person still getting "permission" was just completely alien to me.

It's pathetic, isn't it?  I've been single for years...I'm the guy all most of my friends' wives hate...I'm always asking them to go do stuff, keeping them out late, etc.  I see it with some of the girlriends too.  

A few years back, a buddy of mine started dating a girl he eventually married...big mistake for him, but that came a little later.  Anyway, in the first 2 weeks, she told him first I was gay, then a week later, he said she told him I hit on her.  She felt so threatened at that stage that she was trying to ruin our friendship.  

The joke was, after she cheated on him when they were married and had another man's baby while they were still married, I was the one that stopped my buddy from shooting the bit**.  And she STILL won't speak to me lol.  

At least some of them come out and ADMIT they can't do it because of the wife...the sad part are the ones who try to make excuses.  

There are a few of my friends that have cool wives; the relationships are true 50-50 partnerships...but those are the exception, not the rule.  Funny, but those always seem to be the marriages that last.  Go figure!  

Quoted: No, I cannot do what I want, when I want. There are children, money , my job, and a hundred other factors that play into my adult life. Permission has nothing to do with it...

same here.
 
SteyrAug- you must not have any children