An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his
 grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin to
 me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38
 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa
 I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me
 your Rolex watch instead." "You lisin to me, soma day
 you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a
 beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a
 couple of bambino. Soma day you gonna coma home and
 maybe finda you wife in bed with another man . . . . .
 Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say
 TIME'S UP?"

[:D]

The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told
by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.

His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support.
At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.

Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.

At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off."

"Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."

[lolabove]

Mohammed, a political refuge from Iraq, came to
the United States from Iraq and he was here only
a few months when he became very ill. He went
to doctor after doctor, but none of them could
help him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor.

The doctor said, "Take dees bocket, go into de
odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop,
and den put your head down over de bocket and
breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

Mohammed took the bucket, went into the other
room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop,
bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked.
I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick!"