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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:19:53 PM EDT
thevalleyreport.com/2015/08/28/teen-gets-pregnant-from-doing-weed-for-first-time-then-dies
OLYMPIA WA, – A 15 year old girl was found dead and pregnant in her room by her parents Friday afternoon. Police were informed of her debaucherous lifestyle including a drug binge that started -for the first time- Thursday evening. “She went out with her friends last night after dinner, the same sweet girl we always knew and loved. I just don’t know how she can be so irresponsible at such a young age” sobbed her mother, Sam Kennedy, age 29. “We raised her better than that, in church! Her friends said they were laughing hysterically! Hysteria! They were also we to some place to get a ‘Net-fix’, to get whatever a ‘Bob’s Burger’ is. I think that’s code for crack since marijuana is a gateway drug.” “Frankly, I’m glad she’s dead,” her father Kevin Frum bellowed. “One hit, that’s it. That was our rule. If you hoot, you get the boot. Doing the bong is doing the wrong. I can’t remember the rest, but she died a junky. Marijuana is addictive, because of facts. It’s more addictive than LSD and heroin, also because of facts. It causes pregnancy, like it did our daughter. These are facts.” EDIT: the teenage girl turned out not to be pregnant, she was just full of Cheetos and Sunkist lemonade, causing what’s known as a ‘food baby’ in the marijuana criminal underworld. EDIT II: The teenage girl wasn’t dead, just sleeping heavily for 13 hours. |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:21:18 PM EDT
[#1]
Goodness gracious. LOL
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:22:15 PM EDT
[#2]
Stupid doper deserved it
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:22:28 PM EDT
[#3]
pot needles. dance with the devil...
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:23:31 PM EDT
[#4]
29-15=14. Yeah ugh mom tell us about responsible.
Satire how does it work? |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:23:45 PM EDT
[#5]
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:24:55 PM EDT
[#6]
que jackie chan gif
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:25:46 PM EDT
[#7]
Author and editor are on drugs too.
Two edits: EDIT: the teenage girl turned out not to be pregnant, she was just full of Cheetos and Sunkist lemonade, causing what’s known as a ‘food baby’ in the marijuana criminal underworld. EDIT II: The teenage girl wasn’t dead, just sleeping heavily for 13 hours. |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:25:47 PM EDT
[#8]
something is telling me thats not an actual news story
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:26:00 PM EDT
[#9]
How long before a few posters realize that this was satire...
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:26:40 PM EDT
[#10]
LOL
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:28:43 PM EDT
[#11]
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:30:33 PM EDT
[#12]
whoa i didnt no she was 14 when i put the babby in her
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:32:29 PM EDT
[#13]
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:32:30 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
29-15=14. Yeah ugh mom tell us about responsible. Or tell the OP to get better at math.......... |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:44:34 PM EDT
[#15]
SATIRE
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:45:12 PM EDT
[#16]
This is what happens when Libertarians run amok...
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:49:16 PM EDT
[#17]
Also the guy lighting the marijuana needle looks like a rock-a-billy version of subnet. 
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:52:12 PM EDT
[#18]
Will be forwarding this to my kids.
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:55:30 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
How long before a few posters realize that this was satire... They are too caught up in the affirmation of their own beliefs to see it. |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:55:43 PM EDT
[#20]
15(+9 months) year old girl, 29 year old mom... doesn't that mean mom was 13???
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:55:52 PM EDT
[#21]
http://thevalleyreport.com/2015/08/31/midget-locked-in-walmart-overnight-after-getting-stuck-in-toilet/
“I went in there close to closing time when I heard nature calling,” tells the 31 year old man. “I went into the bathroom, climbed up the toilet then fell in. I was stuck, flopping around like that screaming and yelling for 20 minutes when the lights shut off. I called Walmart headquarters with my cellular telephone but they were not taking me seriously. The guy on the other end put me on speaker to retell my situation, only to be met with an entire office erupt with laughter. They told me prank phone calls are not encouraged by the company but thanked me for the laugh.” 
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Posted: 9/1/2015 5:58:53 PM EDT
[#22]
Thankfully this stuff happens most often on the left coast and the north east.
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:02:24 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
something is telling me thats not an actual news story Judging by the other stories referenced on that site, I tend to agree. Or the people in that valley are a really, really, really moronic bunch. |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:08:32 PM EDT
[#24]
I want my 30 seconds of life back OP
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:11:02 PM EDT
[#25]
lol
Nice touch with the parents having different last names. Shoulda had something about the black jazz musician that lives next door as the possible babydaddy.......... |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:11:51 PM EDT
[#26]
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:13:46 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: something is telling me thats not an actual news story I made it to the part where her dad said he's glad she's dead. |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:46:34 PM EDT
[#28]
The voters of Washington wanted it...............
For The Kids. 
However.........21, was to keep some voters happy about the situation. Aloha, Mark |
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:48:42 PM EDT
[#29]
The problem with good satire is... people won't get it.
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Posted: 9/1/2015 6:51:45 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
http://i.imgur.com/ad5bmDr.gif Also the guy lighting the marijuana needle looks like a rock-a-billy version of subnet. what the hell! Subnet is in that clip! |
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