why don't kids listen?

Site Notices

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - why don't kids listen?

Posted: 12/31/2002 8:54:02 AM EDT

man my twins are almost five years old and i have been telling them to pick up their toys for an hour.they drug their toy box into the living room while i was in the shower and dumped it out. now they wont pick them up because it will take too long. man i have two bald spots on the sides of my head from pulling my hair out. doing it for them wont teach them anything.if i help them i end up doing it for them .if i yell they yell back and still nothing gets done.it seems the only time they listen is when we go out shooting.man arent kids great.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:12:51 AM EDT

[#1]

Dude I feel your pain!

I have a 5 year old daughter that is going on 15!

"Daddy, it takes forever to clean up my toys. You do it your stronger." "Daddy, I'm hungry. No! I want Tastykakes for dinner I hate (insert whatever we are cooking here)".

"Daddy, can we go to Toys R Us? I need to pick up a few things." "Your the meanest Dad ever! How can you make me eat that nasty food for dinner?" "Daddy, I hate school it starts too early and takes forever!" "Daddy, can I jump on your back?"

Know what? I couldn't imagine life any other way. Although she is a hand full she is the center of my universe!

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:27:44 AM EDT

[#2]

here is your solution. wrap both kids in double sided tape. then roll them around the floor to collect the toys. Toss big sticky mass of kids and toys in toy box and close.

problem solved.

mike

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:33:23 AM EDT

[#3]

My kids still hem and haw, but one time I told them to pick it up or I would vacuum everything up. They didn't, I did. Never had that problem again.
Still got lots of others, though. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:40:37 AM EDT

[#4]

you kids have too many toys. they only need one each. (their favorite) so tell them if they don't pick the toys up you will throw them away. let them sass you and when they go to sleep pick up all the toys and put them in a box in the attic. when the little monsters whine and cry the next morning tell them if they don't shut up you will throw their last toy away!

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:45:25 AM EDT

[#5]

Yea, If my son (4 1/2) don't listen/pick up his toys, I will Call Santa and tell him to come and take them back and give them to good boys who will listen.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:46:41 AM EDT

[#6]

I tried the "I'll throw them all away" tack. You know what she did? She said "Okay, I'll help you, you mean old dad!" Then proceeded with a smirk as big as the Pacific Ocean on here face, to put her toys in the garbage can. I cracked up laughing on the spot. I couldn't help myself!

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:48:11 AM EDT

[#7]

A friends kid did the same thing to him. He handled it very simply. He told them to pick them up or he would.

They didn't pick them up so he did but with a twist. He put them in the attic so they couldn't find them. He did not give them back for two weeks.

He told them that if they leave them out again they are his from now on, and they believe him. Not many toys laying around his house now.

Rusty

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:50:58 AM EDT

[#8]

"put them away or loose them" has always worked well for mine too.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:52:05 AM EDT

[#9]

I have milk crate in my room for eveyone in the house. If I find stuff laying out I take it and they have to come looking for it. For my six year old I just say no Judo tonight. She is the state champ and would not miss training for next years junior olympics.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:52:49 AM EDT

[#10]

Toys? You give your kids TOYS??? Why, a bag of dirt and a few bits of gravel are all they need, man!

[BD]

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:54:29 AM EDT

[#11]

I have the same problem with my 2 and 4 year old girls. My solution has been to tell them that if they don't pick them up then they are going in the garbage. Then I go out and get a big garbage sack and come in and they usually will get them picked up. If they don't then I pickup all of the toys that are out and put them in the sack and they go away.I hide them in the garage and I still have a large garbage sack out there full of toys. The bad part is after a day they don't even miss them they just go to the one's that are left.I don't know about your kids but mine have way too many toys (if that is possible I know it isn't for me and my toys).

Posted: 12/31/2002 10:00:04 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
I tried the "I'll throw them all away" tack. You know what she did? She said "Okay, I'll help you, you mean old dad!" Then proceeded with a smirk as big as the Pacific Ocean on here face, to put her toys in the garbage can. I cracked up laughing on the spot. I couldn't help myself!

View Quote

Sounds like a carbon-copy of my 3 year old daughter. She did that to me once, but when I didn't give the toys back to her after we "threw them away," she got kind of miffed and then apologized. Now, when I tell her to pick up her toys, she asks me nicely to help her, but she ends up doing all the work.

My 1 year old daughter is FAR worse about it than the 3 year old. She's got her mother's temper.

-Gloftoe

Posted: 12/31/2002 10:01:51 AM EDT

[#13]

Most kids are not going to listen unless they know there will be consequences for not listening. I used to give my kids a time limit for having their toys picked up or the toys went in the trash. If they wanted to be smart and help me throw them out, I'd let them. I would just tie up the garbage bag and take it on out so they knew I was not playing around.

Posted: 12/31/2002 10:03:48 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
man my twins are almost five years old and i have been telling them to pick up their toys for an hour.they drug their toy box into the living room while i was in the shower and dumped it out. now they wont pick them up because it will take too long. man i have two bald spots on the sides of my head from pulling my hair out. doing it for them wont teach them anything.if i help them i end up doing it for them .if i yell they yell back and still nothing gets done.it seems the only time they listen is when we go out shooting.man arent kids great.

View Quote

DON'T YELL!!! you lose when ya do that. Make them stand in the corner, or take a time out, until they're ready to do as they're told. They are challenging your authority. Your the dad, you're the boss.....

And enjoy it while you've got it, they'll be grown in a heartbeat!

Posted: 12/31/2002 10:14:58 AM EDT

[#15]

I'm kind of bored. I think I'll stir things up with a little eternal truth:

"He that spareth the rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Proverbs 13:24

"Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

"Withhold not correction from a child; for if thou beatest him with a rod, he shall not die. Thou shall beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14

Now, before anyone misquotes the above, it doesn't mean child abuse. It means spanking a child for rebelliousness. If you don't agree, take it up with the One that said it.

I think I'll put on my Nomex.....

Posted: 12/31/2002 10:38:28 AM EDT

[#16]

I stopped yelling about the "toy mess" a long time ago. Once they were old enough to understand, the rules wnt into effect:

1. If you took it out, you put it away. I don't care who's toy it is.
2. If you don't put it away, I will throw out one of your toys. It might not be the one that was left out, but a toy [i]will[/i] get tossed. When I grabbed my son's GameBoy, he ran to the playroom, and cleaned up ALL the toys, not just the one he left out.
3. Yeah, I suck, but I'm the Dad. So what?

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:03:12 AM EDT

[#17]

The funniest thing I ever saw from a 3 year old is comparable to the garbage story.

I was at a friends house (we'll call him Joe) told his 3 year old to pick-up her room or she was going to bed. The child pouted and stomped off to her room.
Joe gloated over his advanced parenting skills. Telling us about not having to raise his voice or repeat demands.
Five minutes later the little girl returned to the living room wearing her PJ's and toting her teddy bear. She climbed onto the couch where Dad was sitting and gave him a kiss on the cheak. She then returned to her room and shut off the light never giving a word in protest.
Joe was bewildered and the rest of us were laughing our asses off.

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:18:45 AM EDT

[#18]

I just want to reiterate the point of NEVER bluffing. Give the kids two choices, ie. pick up your room or the toys will be gone. Then make sure you follow through with the consequence of their choice. This will teach them that there is meaning to their choices.

But have a carrot too, such as staying up an extra half hour or a special treat if they get it done quickly. We want to reward good behavior as well as punish bad.

Having a timer is a good thing as well. Give them plenty of time at the beginning and then shorten it to a reasonable amount when you figure out how long it will really take. This will teach them to act when you ask and not dawdle.

But always remember, be CONSISTENT and NOT EMOTIONAL. If you get upset they win because they now believe they have control over how you act. Simple, present the two choices and let them decide. There is no need for anger or upset.

As an aside, regular daily chores are a good thing as well. My neighbor has the kids doing chores at five years of age. Now that they are in their pre teen years they are some of the best behaved kids I have ever seen. It is all about setting the expectations and being the PARENT, not the kids friend.

I don't have any kids of my own, but I teach kids with behaviors so severe they cannot be maintained in a public school setting so I do have some expertise in the matter. [:)]

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:32:57 AM EDT

[#19]

I don't have any kids yet, but I'll tell ya, my mom had a look she would give me and my brothers when we were growing up and stepped over the line, that would stop us in our tracks and let us know it was time to do what we were told. Now, my mom was the most patient person I've ever known, but when you were told to do something right now, you'd better do it...right now!

Years later, after we'd grown up and my brothers had kids of their own, she pulled that look out of retirement. It worked every bit as well on my nieces and nephews as it did on us. [:)]

edited to add: Not a bad way to spend my 1200th post. [:)]

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:39:57 AM EDT

[#20]

Old_Painless

No flame from me. I happen to agree with you.

Not only because you quoted scripture but also because it is true.

I belive that kids want limits and discipline. They may say that they don't but deep down they do. Anyone willing to discipline cares about them. And that is what kids want, they want someone to care about them and love them.

The unwillingness to discpline a child, IMO, is a form of neglect. And to neglect a child is the worst thing you can do.

Rusty

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:40:01 AM EDT

[#21]

My kids would never do that to me. If I tell them to do something and they don't do it then I tell them in a louder voice, if they still don't do it, then I'll bust their ass. If they talk back to me at all, I'll bust their ass. If they talk back to their mom, I'll bust their ass.

It's been a long time since I spanked any of them because they know I will if they deserve it. Compared to just about everyone else I know, I think I've got the best behaved kids of them all. They're polite, they don't run around wild and they do what their told.

It's all because they don't want me to bust their ass.

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:44:35 AM EDT

[#22]

A great many kids think they know everything.

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:47:28 AM EDT

[#23]

What do they have toys for, man?

All they need a an SKS.

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:56:29 AM EDT

[#24]

If they're not cryin they're not learnin.

Posted: 12/31/2002 12:00:29 PM EDT

[#25]

Far too many children get far too little spanking! Only if they learn that they get their butt beat for back talk and failing to do as they are told will they learn to behave.

The little monsters we see on a dayly basis (and read about when a little older) are a direct result of LAZY parents that fail to teach them that they will be told ONCE what is acceptable followed by serious consequences. Those educated at an early age as to who is boss are a far greater joy when they are older. A good spanking and humiliation in front of their peers works wonders.

Or you can let them run wild, hollering all the time, pulling your hair out and watch them grow up to be spoiled brats that you are ashamed to be around - and may wind up in SERIOUS trouble - all because you failed in your duty to teach proper respect through discipline.

If you don't whack their bottom when needed, don't complain here!

Posted: 12/31/2002 12:01:22 PM EDT

[#26]

Toys! Your kids have toys?

We were so poor when I was growing up, if I didn't wake up with a hard-on, I didn't have anything to play with all day.[:)]

Fred

Posted: 12/31/2002 12:07:06 PM EDT

[#27]

Rusty, that reminds me of a story told by Dr. James Dobson. There was a large piece of property with a day-care in one corner. It had a fence around the building that covered about one-fourth of the total property. Someone had a bright idea; we will take the fence down so the kids will have more room to play. They did so, but then noticed that the kids stayed even closer to the building.

They finally realized that without the fence, the kids felt unsafe. There were no clear boundaries and the kids didn't like that feeling. So they put the fence back up.

Kids like to have boundaries. They don't like to live in a world with no boundaries. Its our jobs as parents and grandparents to give them clear boundaries. It makes them feel loved and safe.

Posted: 12/31/2002 12:11:00 PM EDT

[#28]

Plan #1 - Much like everyone else, I tell my kids to pick them up or lose them. Toys that I pick up go to the Goodwill box. They never seem to miss the ones in the Goodwill box.

Plan #2 - We used to put the picked up toys in a "time-out" box. If they wanted the toy back, they had to do an extra chore. Every Sunday, we emptied the box with unclaimed toys into the Goodwill bin. They never wanted the toys back so we went back to plan #1.

Posted: 12/31/2002 12:51:44 PM EDT

[#29]

I have to agree with everyone who said spanking.

Kids aren't afraid of time outs or losing their toys or going to bed early. Spanking works. I knew if I screwed up my father would wear my ass out. I could handle being grounded but pain to the backside was something I tried to avoid.

Posted: 12/31/2002 1:06:49 PM EDT

[#30]

Instead of getting frustrated at your children for playing with thier toys you should have encouraged them, in fact you should have gone to the store and bought them more.

You should have rewarded them for taking the initiative to get their toys out by themselves without being told to do so.

You should have told them that it's not their responsibility to put their toys away after they were done playing with them, and that you will do it for them.

That way they will grow up to be good liberals...

Posted: 12/31/2002 1:16:34 PM EDT

[#31]

Old_Painless

I listen to Dr. Dobson quite a lot and I really like him and his message.

Rusty

Posted: 12/31/2002 3:51:45 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
I tried the "I'll throw them all away" tack. You know what she did? She said "Okay, I'll help you, you mean old dad!" Then proceeded with a smirk as big as the Pacific Ocean on here face, to put her toys in the garbage can. I cracked up laughing on the spot. I couldn't help myself!

View Quote

NEVER let 'em see ya smile/laugh!
AB

Posted: 12/31/2002 4:02:17 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
I have to agree with everyone who said spanking.

Kids aren't afraid of time outs or losing their toys or going to bed early. Spanking works. I knew if I screwed up my father would wear my ass out. I could handle being grounded but pain to the backside was something I tried to avoid.

View Quote

My dad gave us boys a choice, lickin' or get grounded. My older brother chose being grounded, I chose the lickin', then I would stand outside his bedroom window and stick my tounge out at him, then go about my play time.[:D]
AB

Posted: 12/31/2002 4:57:24 PM EDT

[#34]

We are now paying for our upbringing.
At least that's what my folks are saying

Posted: 12/31/2002 6:18:41 PM EDT

[#35]

Kids do Listen.

They hear every word you say and they remember right up until their little brains conjur up the word "HUH?" that is the instant they forget what you said. See its fair. You said something and so did they.

Now, just remember what breaks throught the internal mechanism that says MY PARENTS DIDN'T REALLY SAY THAT. That is the Generals Voice. STERN, TO THE POINT, DEEP, PENETRATING.

YOU WILL CLEAN UP YOUR TOYS... NOW!!!

ANY BUTs are followed up with NOs for each.

For example:
P: YOU WILL CLEAN UP YOUR TOYS... NOW!!!
C: but
P: NO... NOW
c: but..
P: NOW!!!!

They will turn and grumble and spit and go into their rooms are move shit around and put stuff under the bed and then do everything half-assed and come back out of the room.

Then you will ask,"DID YOU GET YOUR ROOM CLEANED UP?"
And they will of course reply, "YES."
Do you know what it means if I have to go into that room and find it not totally spotless??
They will reply, "yes"

Posted: 12/31/2002 7:22:57 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
Toys? You give your kids TOYS??? Why, a bag of dirt and a few bits of gravel are all they need, man!

[BD
]

View Quote

-----------------------------------------------
Throw the kids outside,they learn more playing in the dirt than with a bunch of plastic junk.
I make my boys [11 9 and 5yrs] save their B-day money up to buy new 22's,ammo,targets,anything but a plastic disposable toy.

Posted: 12/31/2002 9:19:10 PM EDT

[#37]

Quoted:
We are now paying for our upbringing.
At least that's what my folks are saying

View Quote

This too is true!!
AB

Posted: 12/31/2002 11:37:38 PM EDT

[#38]

spanking works I see its results constantly

sister 1.
did time outs,the naughty chair and the like never kept good on their threats, neither he or she ever took a strap to their
boys.

[b]result[/b]
The most uncontrollable,ungrateful,mouthy,violent teenagers assholes you have met.

sister 2.
Both parents applied the strap and followed through on everything .

[b]result[/b]
The most well mannered, respectful, and decent teenagers I know.

I pray if I ever find the [b]one[/b] and make a few rug rats that they turn out as good as they have.

Posted: 1/1/2003 12:25:54 AM EDT

[#39]

I'm kind of bored. I think I'll stir things up with a little eternal truth:

"He that spareth the rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Proverbs 13:24

"Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

"Withhold not correction from a child; for if thou beatest him with a rod, he shall not die. Thou shall beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14

Now, before anyone misquotes the above, it doesn't mean child abuse. It means spanking a child for rebelliousness. If you don't agree, take it up with the One that said it.

I think I'll put on my Nomex.....

---Quote from Old_Painless

This is an interesting thread to me. I'm 34 and a working white collar professional. But when I grew up, I did not have a father, and my mother did NOT discipline me in any way shape or form.

Today, I do not have a good relationship with my mother. Although on the outside I look like a responsible adult (which I am generally speaking), I'm still single, and I have a very poor sense of discipline.

I can be self-indulgent to excess. I would have liked to have good stern parents. :)

Posted: 1/1/2003 12:26:20 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
Far too many children get far too little spanking! Only if they learn that they get their butt beat for back talk and failing to do as they are told will they learn to behave.

The little monsters we see on a dayly basis (and read about when a little older) are a direct result of LAZY parents that fail to teach them that they will be told ONCE what is acceptable followed by serious consequences. Those educated at an early age as to who is boss are a far greater joy when they are older. A good spanking and humiliation in front of their peers works wonders.

Or you can let them run wild, hollering all the time, pulling your hair out and watch them grow up to be spoiled brats that you are ashamed to be around - and may wind up in SERIOUS trouble - all because you failed in your duty to teach proper respect through discipline.

If you don't whack their bottom when needed, don't complain here!

View Quote

But I am the living proof that breaks that rule...

I must have had a permanently red butt till I was about 12 or so... I would never have a day go by that I didn't get a whipping, and it was rare that I had a day go by with less than 10 or so. I honestly remember getting home from church one night when I was about 7 and getting 100 spankings (Everything I did bad was 5 per incident, LOL).

I am not sure if I always was like this, or if I aquired it thru years and years of a glowing red butt... but I still seem to have a high tolerance to pain.

I think nowadays I would have been one of the "A.D.D." kids.

All spanking did was make me mad, and I'd go out and purposely do something again and get in more trouble. I never was remorseful after a spanking, just pissed.

Other forms of punishment made me less mad, but didn't do much good, either.

Finally in my teens my parents loosened up and pretty much let me be... I went out to learn all my lessons the hard way, and by the time I was out of high school, I had mellowed out and was (and still am) a fairly normal guy.

I don't know why I was this way... none of my sisters were remotely close to how I acted. For them just the hint of a spanking would set them in their place...

As Bill Cosby says in one of his stand-up comedy routines, "the curse of the mother" would be a major deal for me...

Mothers curse, "I hope you grow up some day and have kids JUST LIKE YOU!!!!"

Posted: 1/1/2003 12:40:41 AM EDT

[#41]

Military boarding schools should be mandatory for all children.

Posted: 1/1/2003 1:10:47 AM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
My kids still hem and haw, but one time I told them to pick it up or I would vacuum everything up. They didn't, I did. Never had that problem again.
Still got lots of others, though. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

View Quote

I'll have to remember that one!

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - why don't kids listen?

General » General Discussion

Warning

Confirm Action

About AR15.COM

Stay Connected

Newsletter

Contact Us