A Senate Committee composed of  Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein
have announced that the recent rescue  of the Pennsylvania coal miners was
illegal and will be reversed.  The  miners, by recommendation of the
Committee, will be placed back in the  mine.



The Senators noted the following  violations in the rescue process:

10.  Heavy diesel equipment  was moved to the rescue site without concern
for possible air  pollution.

9.  Water was pumped out of  the mine without first determining if it was
polluted, or providing an  environmentally safe catchment area for the
water.

8.  Numerous holes were  drilled in the ground during the rescue, without
first performing an  Environmental Impact study.

7.  No effort was made to  ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of
the rescue workers.

6.  The Governor of  Pennsylvania was heard to "Thank God" during a live
television broadcast of the  rescue, violating the separation of church and
state.

5.  Several people at this  public, government supported, rescue mentioned
praying.

4.  The trapped miners did  not represent a diversified cross section of
American society.

3.  Jesse Jackson, Al  Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given
sufficient time to make speeches at  the site.

2.  The Senate was not given  sufficient time to determine whether or not
any Republican officeholder owned  stock in the coal company, thus being
responsible for the conspiracy that caused  the mine to flood.

And Number 1.    No one  mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.