AR15.com poetry thread

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Posted: 6/23/2002 2:16:56 AM EDT

Rules of poetry thread:

Titles to your masterpiece(s) are optional.

One poem per post, please, for formatting and readability.

Content should be related to or reference ar15.com, the board, or things about it.

Poem must conform to either the limerick or haiku forms (if you don't know what those are, try google.com so you can figure it out).

Limericks must rhyme, although some slurred pronunciations are allowed. See here for help: [url]http://www.gigglepoetry.com/poetryclass/limerickcontesthelp.cfm[/url]

Haikus follow the 5-7-5 syllables format.

Bonus points for including Ninja humor, making good clean fun of a major board personality or GoatBoy.

Here's the first one:

Post Whoring is meant for good fun
To make light and amuse someone.
It's often construed
As selfish and rude,
But only from Eric the Hun.

There, that wasn't too bad. This poem is of course a limerick, and manages to include references to at least on board personality and a late breaking hobby of mine. I should really find someone else to have fun with their name before Eric finds out about this and starts to add to this thread. Heh.

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:20:15 AM EDT

[#1]

And now for a Haiku:

The sweet sound of keys
hammering out a message
Another lame post.

As you can see, this is a handy little example of haiku. 5, then 7, then 5 sylablles for the first, second, and third lines respectively. Plus the content is fresh and relevant to my current endeavours. [:)]

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:23:36 AM EDT

[#2]

Another Long Night
Saving for DonR's pistol
I drink more coffee.

Howzat?

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:27:26 AM EDT

[#3]

Your silly haiku
Does nothing for me at all
Don R should not sell!

[:D]

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:31:30 AM EDT

[#4]

This coffee tastes bad
Sitting on burner too long
Eyelids feel heavy.

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:33:23 AM EDT

[#5]

One my way to making one K
I've posted in night and in day
It's silly I'll admit
this poetry sh!t,
To make a one thousand display.

This is my last post, until I hit one thousand. I hope it will rock!

Posted: 6/23/2002 2:38:15 AM EDT

[#6]

Black and Green they wait
Gleaming darkly in the safe
Anticipation

Posted: 6/23/2002 3:16:45 AM EDT

[#7]

Large riot in big city
People with no gun
Hide in corner waiting for help.

Posted: 6/23/2002 5:05:24 AM EDT

[#8]

And now a Moderator's Haiku:

Don't mess this post up!
GoatBoy will ban you for life.
Bye, Blaze-of-Glory...

Posted: 6/23/2002 5:14:08 AM EDT

[#9]

Camaraderie is here
I find myself thinking
Grabbed me a beer
The subject is plinking

Their Black guns are Jamming
They're willfully abusing
Their Bolts are slamming
It's Wolf ammo their using

They've proudly saved cash
On the range today
Now into their stash
The Smith gets his pay

Keep using this ammunition
The Gunsmiths need to eat
When talking about malfunction
This ammo won't be beat

Realist [:)]

edited for spelling [rolleyes]

Posted: 6/23/2002 5:22:17 AM EDT

[#10]

Alchemy Spectre
Looks good in my gun locker
range time paid off big!

Posted: 6/23/2002 7:56:05 AM EDT

[#11]

i chop off the heads
flipping out is pretty cool
almost crapped my pants

Posted: 6/23/2002 8:01:51 AM EDT

[#12]

Ah, I remember this one from the old limerick thread...

There once was a man named sfoo
who brought home a puppy from the zoo
life was fine
for the little canine
until sfoo stepped in dog doo

[:D]

Posted: 6/23/2002 8:26:58 AM EDT

[#13]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get the hell off my property or I will pop a cap in your ass

Posted: 6/23/2002 8:38:03 AM EDT

[#14]

Here's to me
Here's to you.
Should we e'er disagree,
Screw you.

Posted: 6/23/2002 9:04:10 AM EDT

[#15]

I don't do haiku.

~ Ode to SHTF ~

We all got a plan
till the SHTF
and our predictions are all wiped clean,
When all we've assumed
comes out wrong and we're doomed
to learn the true depth of "unforseen".

While you sit at the bench
with a smug little stench
and a subMOA to admire,
Should the target you see
become mobile and free
and with glee return intense fire,
Would you still have it in you
to calmly continue
with no rangermaster to call a 'cease fire' ?

If such were the case,
that for you mobs now chase,
for a Reginald Denny reprise,
Would your tack-driver aim
be lean or be lame,
while you're gasping and humpin' supplies.

Would you curse every day
that you fretted away
stacking 30 round mags to the hips,
Till you had so many clips
of full metal tips,
that to move half a mile took all day?

Or would you dig in
and chuckle and grin
while the enemy plotted and planned,
Then out of your den
you storm gun in hand,
but go down like Butch and The Kid?

Be part of a group or a squad or a band
of brothers you know like the back of your hand.
Train as a team
and stay lean and mean,
to rally and defend your own land.

Don't sweat what you choose
you probably won't lose
with ARs, AKs or FNs.
Just take your best gun
and be ready to run
when to sh!t go your delicate plans.
[:D]

Posted: 6/23/2002 12:48:55 PM EDT

[#16]

bunghole needs a date
my right hand is getting tired
oh, the agony

Posted: 6/23/2002 11:37:51 PM EDT

[#17]

I didn't write this. I found it.

"There once was a deputy called Fife,
Who carried a gun and a knife.
The gun was all dusty,
And his knife was all rusty,
Because he never caught a crook in his life."

View Quote

Posted: 6/24/2002 12:47:17 AM EDT

[#18]

I just farted in my chair,
it went up my back and through my hair,
now it's time to say good bye,
because now it's burning both my eyes. [:X*]

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. hehehe [:D]

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:01:59 AM EDT

[#19]

Sfoo the man post whore,
Need I say much more!

I read this thread,
while at work - not in bed.

1000 post you'll make,
I say "for heaven's sake".

Why is he still up so late?
He should be on a date!

Social life real dead!!!
When did last get head???

Not while posting here!
Go away, have a beer!!

Sfoo, is this what you do?
Boy, i'm glad i'm not you!

Posted: 6/24/2002 10:01:11 AM EDT

[#20]

There once was a lad from Nantucket
who carried his ammo in a bucket
then one day he fell down
and spilled it all on the ground
methinks next time he should ruck it!

Posted: 6/24/2002 12:58:48 PM EDT

[#21]

'Tis woman
light in head
light in heart
so a man's joys start

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:03:05 PM EDT

[#22]

Saving for an AR
I slipped and pissed in the jar
The money is wet

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:12:29 PM EDT

[#23]

a jasmine flower
in hell's bosom
A touch of Hell. A touch of Heaven.

---Robert Wilson, Phillipines.

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:14:24 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
bunghole needs a date
my right hand is getting tired
oh, the agony

View Quote

[b]In memory of bunghole:[/b]

Switch hands bunghole, switch hands bunghole
there's a limit you reach and then must let go.

Find you a ho, pay for the ho
And then I won't have to tell you to switch hands bunghole.

Switch hands bunghole, switch hands bunghole
with that one arm thats much bigger its certain to show.

Switch hands bunghole, switch hands bunghole
If that one hand gets blistered you will certainly know....
[:D]

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:20:25 PM EDT

[#25]

From the testimony of WJC:
==========================

Let me begin with
The correct answer

I don't know for sure

But if you would like me
To give an educated guess
I will do that

But I do not know for sure

After I went through a presidential campaign
In which the far right tried
To convince the American people I had

Committed murder
Run drugs
Slept in my mother's bed
With four prostitutes
And done numerous other things

I had a high level of paranoia

And from MSL:
=============

Yes
Our meeting started out with a fight

So he sat down
And we sat down
And he lectured me . . .
"First of all, it's illegal
To threaten the President
Of the United States
And, second of all - "
I mean, it was just

And then I started crying

Yes

And at that point
I noticed it
And I kind of thought, oh
This is dirty

It needs to get cleaned

And then I remembered
That I had worn it
The last time
I saw the President

And I believe it was
At that point
I thought to myself
Oh, no

Posted: 6/24/2002 1:55:11 PM EDT

[#26]

Dredging up another blast from the past...

How do I use a headspace guage?
Which gun gadget is all the rage?
Don't despair newbie friend
'cuz I'll say it again
Click on "SEARCH" at the top of this page.

Posted: 6/24/2002 2:07:25 PM EDT

[#27]

UZI on the way
must buy more ammo and mags
ATF is slow.

Posted: 6/24/2002 2:22:03 PM EDT

[#28]

Here's one by my friend Bob Frenchu:

Behold tomato
Pierced by some fierce doggie teeth
Pump Crossman and wait

Posted: 6/24/2002 2:31:04 PM EDT

[#29]

Don't send in another to carry
home lifeless remains to there rot
from the field where I fell into sleep
as I fought for my son to be free,

no send them instead to deep bury
the tip of my sword fire hot
through the heart of our foe so he reap
hellfury and vengence from me.

Posted: 6/24/2002 3:18:16 PM EDT

[#30]

He posted a scandalous topic
And figured nobody could stop it
but Babe of the Day
Sorry, Steyr A
Babe Of The Day was graphic

Goatboy posted his warnings
Others posted their yearnings
They cussed and they fussed
They covered those muffs
But bad, the thread kept turning

After a month of wrangling
With teeth gnashing and banging
Moderators said
"We don't like the thread"
"Post more, we will start banning!"

And so the thread, deleted
The arguments still, heated
Goatboy was quite clear:
"There is no porn here"
"Really, it's just not needed."

Although we ducked and we dodged
The mods would not be dislodged
"Post without posting"
Lordtrader's hosting!
For porn, just head to the Lodge!

Posted: 6/24/2002 3:34:34 PM EDT

[#31]

"Dr. Seuss", Autosear is here nor near:

I can not shoot it here or there, I can not shoot it anywhere!!!

I do not have an autosear, I swear I don't, Janet my dear.

Do you have one in your gun?
If you did would you have fun?

No, no, I don't have one in my gun!
No, no, I would have no fun!

I'd be too afraid of getting caught,
If this sear I'd bought,
Of ending up in a prison cell with Bubba,
Who when he looks at me might say "hubba, hubba"

But wait I have a second thought,
About the sear I haven't bought.

It goes boom once for every pull. It has no auto and no full.

One pull, one bang it all it does, if it did more, you'd call the Fuzz.

To go full auto would be lewd. And if found out, boy I'd be screwed.

Yes, yes, it might be fun.
But from Aunt Tillie's Friends I'd have to run.

Or else I might get a goosie,
From the barrel of Lon Horiouchi!

author unknown

Posted: 6/24/2002 3:46:14 PM EDT

[#32]

Hot brass spinning bright

Bare neckflesh sizzles and sears

Feet jump - ouch ouch dance

P5(ParaPyroPatheticPoetPig)[pyro][^][heavy]

Posted: 6/24/2002 4:31:01 PM EDT

[#33]

Five-hundred, One-thousnd,
Two-thousand posts and more,
They self congradulate,
On being a post whore!

Pounding the keys,
Night and day,
Running up the post count,
...but having nothing to say!

[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

Posted: 6/24/2002 4:37:20 PM EDT

[#34]

These jabs phase me not
Your humor is funny though
why not have fun here?

Posted: 6/24/2002 4:52:43 PM EDT

[#35]

Agitation, irritation,
Just making fun of the
Situation.

Your thread I like,
For it's not bland,
But I challenge you,
Let's see ya hit 2000!

PS:

I have an AR,
I'm your bro,
Stand beside you,
Against enemies,
...I do not even know. [;)]

Posted: 6/24/2002 5:41:26 PM EDT

[#36]

Those who know me the least,
call me an evil beast,
and pass laws 'cause I look so darn mean.
But those who knows me the best,
keep me close to their chest,
and have respect for me like a Marine.

I'm hated and banned,
by those with a plan,
to eliminate your means to defend.
But a Patriot's skill,
and unwavering will,
is my only true friend in the end.

Though some call me clunky,
at least I'm not junky,
like a cheap chinese-commie knock-off.
With iron-sight aim,
you're sure to remain,
above the best from that ole' kalashnikov.

I spit thunder and fire,
and I never tire,
of those honeysweet full metal rounds.
If I have the right sear,
such music you'll hear,
a barrage of a sweet thundering sound.
I'll chew them all day,
if that's what you say,
and leave just an empty brass mound.

The sproing of my spring,
is a beautiful thing,
as I kick out each empty hot case.
The smell I emit,
I'm sure you'll admit,
brings a smile to your cheek-welded face.
As you load up each mag,
I just have to brag,
'cause I know what's about to take place.

Make that soda can peel,
Make those cantelope burst,
Make that water jug shred,
Make those metal plates ping.
If you need me for real
let me be the first
to rip up a raghead
like a VC "Dong-ding"

When the time comes to crunch,
I got enough punch,
to make that little round twist and go yaw.
Then what happens inside,
is a hell of a ride,
with a trail like a thrusting chainsaw.

My brother - M4,
goes clean through the door,
and is great for a close-quarter battle.
And uncle - 16,
is a badass machine,
when you switch him to full-auto rattle.

I can't wait for the day,
when we'll all go and play,
like we used to before antis arrived.
But until then,
just don't forget when,
we were free before being deprived.

Posted: 6/24/2002 7:35:25 PM EDT

[#37]

'Twas brillig, and Imbroglio
Did gyre and gimble at a babe:
She mimsied off sans folio
And soon his raths outgrabe.

"Beware the FBI, my son!
The goons that shoot, the laws that catch!
Beware the UN club, and shun
The frumious black gun snatch!"

He put his vorpal foil on head:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Dumdum tree,
And thought about the plot.

And, as on kettle corn he munched,
The FBI, with Carnivore,
Went riffling through his data crunched,
And burbled on for more!

One, two! One, two! And so he scored
A little Prozac snack!
His mind restored, onto the board
He went galumphing back.

"And, will the shit soon hit the fan?
Come stockpile arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Yahoo! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and Imbroglio
Did gyre and gimble at a babe:
She mimsied off sans folio
And soon his raths outgrabe.

Posted: 6/24/2002 8:01:50 PM EDT

[#38]

This deserves special recognition in the "Adaption from other media" category. Beautiful.

Quoted:

'Twas brillig, and Imbroglio
Did gyre and gimble at a babe:
She mimsied off sans folio
And soon his raths outgrabe.

"Beware the FBI, my son!
The goons that shoot, the laws that catch!
Beware the UN club, and shun
The frumious black gun snatch!"

He put his vorpal foil on head:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Dumdum tree,
And thought about the plot.

And, as on kettle corn he munched,
The FBI, with Carnivore,
Went riffling through his data crunched,
And burbled on for more!

One, two! One, two! And so he scored
A little Prozac snack!
His mind restored, onto the board
He went galumphing back.

"And, will the shit soon hit the fan?
Come stockpile arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Yahoo! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and Imbroglio
Did gyre and gimble at a babe:
She mimsied off sans folio
And soon his raths outgrabe.

View Quote

Posted: 6/25/2002 7:56:24 AM EDT

[#39]

There was an inventor named Gene
Who made the first AR15.
But he happened to pass
The tube for the gas
Through the bolt, which will never be clean!

Posted: 6/25/2002 9:38:36 AM EDT

[#40]

Thirty-thirty rests
shoulder Winchester model 94
Coyote! Hammer slowly falls.

Posted: 6/25/2002 10:00:27 AM EDT

[#41]

There is the wretchéd old lady,
she carries the last name of Brady.
I can't take her no more,
hope she breaks down my door,
then I send her some gifts from my bore.

Posted: 6/26/2002 4:53:06 PM EDT

[#42]

Here's another one (not mine) that I love:

There was a young girl with a bust
that aroused a French cavalier's lust
She was then heard to say
about midnight, "Touche!
I didn't quite parry that thrust." [:D]

Posted: 6/27/2002 2:03:21 AM EDT

[#43]

Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

Posted: 6/27/2002 2:15:42 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:

A limerick should have five lines.
For example read some of mines.
your lines are but four,
but it's not a bore,
So add one, or get charged some fine$.

(I like what you have, though. what rhymes with -insky......hey....line #2 might be "while puffing a big Cubinsky")

Posted: 6/27/2002 2:39:16 AM EDT

[#45]

AmrdLbrl took a thrashing,
Everyone gave him a bashing
He claimed the Pledge,
Was all but dead,
For that he got a smashing

Many talked the talk,
But didn’t walk the walk
Sweep offered a plan,
They all said no way man!
When the SHTF, it’s not my fault!

Posted: 6/27/2002 2:59:16 AM EDT

[#46]

sfoo,

Here's the one I was telling about in chat last night that I couldn't quite get down. Thanks to your psot from osprey21's "A limerick should have five lines" I think I'm close.

In ’93 I bought a gun,
Not for looks, not for fun
Came with 15 rd. mags
Lost it to a cash flow lag
In ’98 I bought another one

Asked for the same gun,
From the dealer I got shunned
Went and read the new laws,
Sat for hours, reading in awe
These laws were just plain dumb!

Went online to research,
AR15.com came up first
Signed up as Sweep,
Many people I did meet
Now I can’t quench my thirst!

Posted: 6/27/2002 8:00:35 AM EDT

[#47]

AmrdLbrl is a worthy foe,
Arguments of logic he throws
A man convinced against his will
Is not a man convinced still
But through debate we grow

Had to come up with one to bump it! [:D]