"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline"

If you are obssesive-compulsive,press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent,please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities,press 3,4,5,and 6.

If you are paranoid,we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional,press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother- ship.

If you are schizophrenic,listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive,it doesn't matter which number you press as no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic,press 119.

If you have a nervous disorder,please fidget with the pound key untill a representative comes on line.

If you have amnesia,press 8 and state your name,address,telephone number,and your mothers maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press  0   0   0  .

If you have bipolar disorder,please leave a message after the beep or before the beep,or after the beep. please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss,press 9, If you have short-term memory loss press 9,If you have short-term memory loss prss 9.

If you have low self-esteem,please hang up.  All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.    BuwBye Have a nice day.



 Sent to me by a blonde!       Bob  [:D]