Posted: 1/28/2010 10:30:30 AM EDT
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I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan friend Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?" When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me. I went to my extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you." 
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