Posted: 1/17/2012 12:25:36 PM EDT
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Mrs Agent_Funky and I discovered:
1) Never plan a quiet evening in when you have children 2) How many pieces of blue-tack a four year old can stuff up their left nostril 3) A 300 lumens Surfire is no good for seeing said blue-bluetack up said child's nostril. 4) Tuesday evening in Casualty takes approximately 8 hours when your child stuffs large quantities of Blue-tack up their nostril 5) People think it's funny when your child boasts about how many pieces of bluetack they stuffed up their nostril 6) Doctors think it's funny when your child boasts about how many pieces of bluetack they stuffed up their nostril 7) Children can sleep even when a Consultant ENT Paediatrican has what amounts to Terminator's arm stuffed up their nostril retreiving said Blue-tack That is all. 
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I have no kids so I cannot say what my kids have inserted in orifices.
I am too old to remember what I inserted in my orifices when I was a toddler. However a colleage of mine gave me an example which made me chuckle. There he was watching TV. His son toddled in the direction of the TV with jam sandwich in hand. Apparently at last moment he realised what son was intending. He launched himself off the sofa and "everything went into slow motion" ! He did not quite make it in time and watched son insert jam sandwich into front loading VHS video machine. And machine whirred as it drew it fully in. 
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Quoted:
Mrs Agent_Funky and I discovered: 1) Never plan a quiet evening in when you have children 2) How many pieces of blue-tack a four year old can stuff up their left nostril 3) A 300 lumens Surfire is no good for seeing said blue-bluetack up said child's nostril. 4) Tuesday evening in Casualty takes approximately 8 hours when your child stuffs large quantities of Blue-tack up their nostril 5) People think it's funny when your child boasts about how many pieces of bluetack they stuffed up their nostril 6) Doctors think it's funny when your child boasts about how many pieces of bluetack they stuffed up their nostril 7) Children can sleep even when a Consultant ENT Paediatrican has what amounts to Terminator's arm stuffed up their nostril retreiving said Blue-tack That is all.
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Phil, in case it happens again (hopefully not), when my middle child wedged a ball of tissue paper up her nostril, the casualty doctor held the other nostril closed then got my wife to blow in her mouth (our daughters, not the doctors). After a few attempts the paper was dislodged and flew out, along wit a shit load of snot.
Kids hey! |
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Quoted:
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Another good reason not to have any small people  We decided to have two cats instead of children, when they had both died we pretended they had gone off to university........
We were given a goat once by some of my dads workmen for a feast to mark Eid, but my dad didn't have the heart, so he gave it to the Lester's, our neighbouts who were seconded from the British Army. One day my mum asked young Johnny Lester why she couldn't hear Bluebell anymore and he replied "he"s gone to see Jesus in a Land Rover" 
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Another good reason not to have any small people I have thousands of them in my bank account  Yeah, we were like that right up until our son was born. Dinky living is easy and you can save lots and lots of money.
It costs £750 a month to place him in Nursery while we are at work, then there's the cost of Soccer-Tots, all the other activities he does, parties he goes to, the loss of a room and the complete takepver by an army of toys and food and clothing. It costs a small fortune. By the time he has finished Nursery and is off to School, his nursery fees alone will have cost £30,000.
But I't say one thing......I'd pay a hundred times that for the amazing experience of having the little fella.....whatever it costs in money, you get back one thousand times in every other respect from them. I'd crawl naked over broken glass for 50 miles just to throw stones at his poop. 
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Kid's are brilliant, apart from the cost and the other crap that they heap up on you. Mine are 12 & 14, so I can't wait for them to turn up one day and announce that they have enjoyed living at home so much that they have decided to spend the rest of the wife's and my life here .
Phil, now is nearly to late to try for a daughter .
Tony |
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Quoted: I can't wait for my little sods to move out.  Our eldest went off to Uni in September. Let me tell you, as much as the littles stress youbout, you still miss them. I found myself sitting in hiz room looking at the stuff he left behind and thinking it just felt wrong for his PC not to be there and for him not to be languishing across his chair in front of it. He's back at the moment, and he has changed, grown up a bit, a bit more communicative but I know when he returns I'm going to have to get used to it again. Cuddle them whilst you can guys, becauze oncethey reach puberty they won't let you!
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