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Posted: 1/7/2006 7:05:33 PM EDT
I'm posting this here as not to be chastise. I have a bit of a problem and I'm not too sure how to deal with it.

My husband drives to work each day with a Friend of his. They are buds. The friend is only a few years older than my husband but his kids are grown, married and have kids of their own. His wife isn't a warm loving wife and its been an on going joke she keeps his nuts in her purse. She also is a workaholic.

The friend has the hots for me.

I was invited into the town pep band and have been playing in it a couple of weeks. Its been fun and I could use something to do to get me out of the house and away from work.

This friend will always position himself to share music stands with me. I play Clarinet he plays trumpet. He always stands so close to me his arm brushes up and down my boobs. It gets a little annoying. I'll move away to give us room and I've even made a joke once about it "keep brushing up against my boob like that I'm going think you're getting your jollies off." It embarrassed him but he keeps doing it.

Friday he came over while my husband was away with the kids at an out of town game and 'practiced' unannounced. He was very forward and I had to remind him that we were practicing a few times. He invited me over after wards, he wanted to show me his 'new' puppy.

Tonight we had our first home game where the pep band played. I had a blast but this guy keeps making advances towards me. He invited me over after the game. After the game my husband was suppose to pick me up but was late. I hitched a ride with another band member [a woman] but this guy litterally was trying to get me to get out of the car and let him take me home.

I spoke to my husband about it and he thinks I'm making too much out of it. To just ignore it. It is hard for me to believe someone would be so blatant to a friend's wife but I've been hit on before. I know what's going on.
Link Posted: 1/7/2006 7:50:44 PM EDT
Tell, him you don't appreciate it and you're a happily married woman. Do it again and you'll have his nuts hanging from your rearview mirror.

That should help.
Link Posted: 1/7/2006 8:11:05 PM EDT
I used to play the trumpet...

Oh, how I would long to plactice one on one with a hot clarinet or flutist!!!
-Its every horn players fantasy.

Id recomend threatning to tell his wife, even if you are not going to take it that far, he may shape up.
Sounds like it could be a weakness, since his balls are still with her.
maybe just slap him? or slice him across the cheek with an x-acto knife whenever he acts wrong. It usually works on me.
hmmm, put a dent in his mouthpiece or the bell of his trumpet, when I played that would make me dislike any band member - real fast.
Link Posted: 1/7/2006 8:17:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2006 8:18:53 PM EDT by petagunner]
Link Posted: 1/7/2006 8:22:52 PM EDT
You are not making too much about it. It is obvious what he wants, and I recommend asking him if he wants to get the 4 of you all together to talk about it. Tell him that the option will no longer be his unless he stops. You can also tell him you are just not interested in him.
Link Posted: 1/7/2006 9:20:10 PM EDT
Thank you for the advice. I will have a direct talk with him. He's done this in the past and David [my husband] did talk with him finally [he was very bad then, or at least much worse] and he [friend] then was actually very nice to be around. I actually like the fellow. He's very smart and funny and we all know I'm as big of a flirt as they come, but come on!

Anyway, enough with that. I appreciate your suggestions. Patty
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 6:43:19 AM EDT
I remimber this one time at band camp.... oops wrong story. Tell him if it does not stop you will have to talk to his wife. That should take care of it.
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 9:45:14 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/8/2006 11:32:14 AM EDT by double_trouble_2003]
It's a mixed bag being 'wanted'.

This guy's probably lonely and horny. You're nice to him and he mis reads that.

Just tell him to knock it off - don't be coy. Of course the "Clarinet upside the head" works too.

ETA: Does this guy realize you carry? Gutsy move.
IMO - Your husband needs to come correct - if you tell him this stuff, he needs to take it more seriously.

Link Posted: 1/8/2006 10:44:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/8/2006 11:19:34 AM EDT by Cape_hunter]
I would just be straight out and honest. Tell that cocksucker to back off or you will rips his nuts out of his wives purse and stomp them. ALso tell that husband of yours to fucking grow a pair! I cant count how many times I hear of men not standing up for their wives and then wonder why the wife wonders!! Another thing, what kind of message does this send our daughters when its ok for dad to treat mom like this, and not believe what she is saying? It prints a message in their head that thats ok. Well its not. You want you daughter to accept a man in here life that will not treat her with the up most respect and defend her honor when called upon? Not me. Tell your husband that your daughter is watching and he needs to step up! PERIOD.

Sorry Patty but that shit just pisses me off! Both your hub and that supposed friend. Anyone pulls that with my wife they get a visit from me. Wont be a social call either
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 11:15:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/8/2006 11:23:46 AM EDT by GackMan]

Originally Posted By double_trouble_2003:
It's a mixed bag being 'wanted'.

This guy's probably lonely and horny. You're nice to him and he mis reads that.

Just tell him to knock it off - don't be coy. Of course the "Clarinet upside the head" works too.




yup - what he said.

don't be mean and don't threaten him. give him an 'out' so he has a way to recover... lonely and horny, but still a man and we act squirrelly when challenged and/or threatened.

You already tried the 'humorous' approach and that didn't work.

I suggest the serious/sensitive talk next: "maybe I'm reading into this, but some of the things you've been doing make me feel uncomfortable... blah blah blah." give him the option of being gracious and stopping.

Also, lessens the whole "your wife is a psycho." talk he'll have with your husband on the back channel if you try the tough guy approach.

Save that for later... when he doesn't pay attention, also gives you time to work on your hubby and have the "I toldLonelyHorny that I didn't like how he was acting." talk.
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 12:26:48 PM EDT
Thank you everyone, I'll talk with him tomorrow when I stop by to see his puppy. Lets hope he has a dog.
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 1:10:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/8/2006 1:17:58 PM EDT by KeptKirk]
No no no. :P

Your still giving the wrong impression. You tell him (I read) humour-ly not to, then agree to come over to his house. If the guy is anything like all of my lonely horny friends, even a girl engaging in casual convorsation tells them they are interested in them. Especially the women who call people hun or sweety. Countless times I have heard him tell me girls are hitting on him and its just not at all, its normal social activity. But its not normal for that kind of people. (maybe affection starved or single children ha)

Atleast it sounds like your willing to keep off Jerry Springer :) yay! Too bad your hubbys friend isnt. (If you catch what im callin him, especially knowing your husband and that your married)


*edit*
I just can't stress it enough, you tell him no then agree to go to his house. He probably thinks you like him. Even if its for a dog, thats obviously an excuse. I mean I just got a new computer chiar, want to come over and see it? Or I just repainted a room, or I just wanted to get you in my house so my chances of getting laid are much better than ever before. Heck he'll probably offer you a beer too :P Then again whats obvious to me may not be it at all! Maybe we've all pegged him wrong and hes just an exception to the human race! (oh wait hes a guy, we all want to get laid nevermind)

Good luck!
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 1:52:47 PM EDT
Show him Elmer......
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 3:04:44 PM EDT
I didn't actually agree to go to his house. He invited me but I did not accept or anything. I just figured I would go and be straight up front with him and tell him that its ackward but list my boundaries.

I did try the joke about it thing but you're right, didn't work at all.

Patty
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 4:59:48 PM EDT
Have you ever heard the joke about the 10 inch pianist?


I kid, I kid!!!

Link Posted: 1/8/2006 6:42:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
...Lets hope he has a dog.



Glad you're keeping your sense of humor.
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 7:21:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By double_trouble_2003:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
...Lets hope he has a dog.



Glad you're keeping your sense of humor.




I'm trying! I need more stress right now like another hole in my head. I haven't heard the one about the 10 inch pianist?

WS4 when this guy was over at my house Elmer was on the table. He's a Vietnam Vet, it didn't seem to bother him one way or the other.
Link Posted: 1/8/2006 7:33:32 PM EDT
Hey Patti:

This guy is real horn-dog! I would suggest you introduce your knee to his gonads.
Then call his bitch wife and let her know that she needs to keep a tighter grip on
his nuts. Talk about a pain in the ass!

Good luck!

Spambo
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:32:58 AM EDT
Maybe you need to just stay away from him. Hope you didn't go to see his puppy. I think you should just give him the cold shoulder, he will eventually figure it out, since he isn't smart enough to get it with what your telling him. Obviously it has been a big thing in the past as well. Your husband doesn't mind this guy alway coming on to you? I would tell the guy, look, back off, I don't want anything to do with you, i'm married, your friends with my husband and I AM NOT INTERESTED.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 9:26:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NurseB:
Maybe you need to just stay away from him. Hope you didn't go to see his puppy. I think you should just give him the cold shoulder, he will eventually figure it out, since he isn't smart enough to get it with what your telling him. Obviously it has been a big thing in the past as well. Your husband doesn't mind this guy alway coming on to you? I would tell the guy, look, back off, I don't want anything to do with you, i'm married, your friends with my husband and I AM NOT INTERESTED.



I didn't go see him as I got called into work this morning and I'm way too swamped. I will though. Staying away from isn't an option and wouldn't work anyway since he's more than happy just inviting himself over. I will have to just be direct and to the point with him. Its not quite fair to say my husband doesn't mind him coming on to me, my husband hates confrontations and will avoid them at all cost. I don't blame him but he really should intervene here. He won't though so I will have too.

Patty
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 10:06:42 AM EDT
SSS
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 1:35:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By NurseB:
Maybe you need to just stay away from him. Hope you didn't go to see his puppy. I think you should just give him the cold shoulder, he will eventually figure it out, since he isn't smart enough to get it with what your telling him. Obviously it has been a big thing in the past as well. Your husband doesn't mind this guy alway coming on to you? I would tell the guy, look, back off, I don't want anything to do with you, i'm married, your friends with my husband and I AM NOT INTERESTED.



I didn't go see him as I got called into work this morning and I'm way too swamped. I will though. Staying away from isn't an option and wouldn't work anyway since he's more than happy just inviting himself over. I will have to just be direct and to the point with him. Its not quite fair to say my husband doesn't mind him coming on to me, my husband hates confrontations and will avoid them at all cost. I don't blame him but he really should intervene here. He won't though so I will have too.

Patty



I guess my point was, he really isn't a good friend if he puts you in this situation. If theres a chance of putting your marriage in trouble, then I would find a way for him not to be around and to make it clear. Guess it isn't to that point, which is a good thing. Sounds like its more of an annoyance.
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