Posted: 7/30/2007 4:23:39 PM EDT
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Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Witness: No. Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure? Witness: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Witness: No. Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Witness No. Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Heh. |
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I'll try to avoid the obvious ones that everyone has heard. i.e.: skid marks in front of road kill; lawyer at the Pearly gates, etc. Q. What's the perfect weight for a lawyer? A. Two pounds including the urn.  An old man is dying and he calls for his doctor and his lawyer. They come to his bedside and he asks that they sit with him. Each takes a chair on either side of his bed. The old man just lays there with shallow breaths but says nothing. After a while, the lawyer asks the old man if there is anything else they can do to comfort him and the old man says, "No. Just keep sitting there. When I go, I want to be like my Lord and Savior and die between two thieves."  Bar Exam Ethical Question: If your client mistakenly puts too many zeros on your retainer check - do you tell your partner?  A wealthy old man was too stingy to leave his hard earned money to anyone, so he devised a way to take it with him. He executed a Last Will & Testament which called for all his assets to be liquidated and split into three equal sums. His preacher, doctor and lawyer were each to receive an equal sum and were instructed to put them into his grave at his funeral. When he passed away, the preacher, doctor and lawyer each threw a sack into the grave. About a year later at the country club steam room, the three were sitting together and the preacher confessed that he couldn't stand seeing good money go into the ground when the church needed a new roof. He admitted to keeping the money for the church and throwing in a sack full of newspaper clippings. The doctor confessed that he felt the same way and had kept the money entrusted to him for a new wing at the hospital. They each looked at the lawyer and asked what he did with his third of the money. The lawyer had a shocked look on his face and said, "I can't believe you two. He trusted you with his lifelong savings and you gave your word that you would honor his wishes. I cannot believe that you betrayed that trust." The doctor said, "You are avoiding the question. Did you throw the money into the grave?" The lawyer said, "Of course I did, I threw in an escrow check for the full amount."  |
I agree. You can also substitute the terms: "politicians"; "Congressmen"; etc. Since you chimed in Chad. Here's a cute pilot joke I remember. F4 low on fuel, returning from an airstrike over N. Vietnam, has the following conversation with the boom operator of a KC-135 tanker: F4: I'm thirsty, can you help me out? KC135: Sorry sir. You're not on my fueling list. F4: What a coincidence. You're not on my target list either, but I can make an exception. What about you? Sorry. Drifted off topic. |
 Well it's 1/2 right.
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