Posted: 9/14/2011 4:58:37 AM EDT
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Prostate
check-up... An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'. The old guy obeys and says,"99". The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99". Again, the old guy says, '99'." The doctor said, Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'. The old guy begins, "One .... Two ... Three" ... |
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I actually started going to a nurse practitioner a few years ago and wasn't aware they could conduct all the general diagnostic exams. On my very first visit, I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I did a self-exam for testicular cancer. I said my other doctor (who had just retired) never mentioned it so “no” I hadn’t done it.
She had me drop ‘em and started performing a slow and methodical check of the boys. Then started on the main member while she explained what she was doing. At least that’s why I think she was saying. I was intently staring at the wall trying to think of anything but was going on down there! By the time she had me bend over, I was sweating and hoping she wasn’t going to give me a long, detailed dialogue of what she was doing there. I’m actually glad I now get regular check-ups. I know too many guys that have had prostate problems. While we joke about it and find the exams invasive, they are quite necessary. Oh, I did ask her if I had to buy her dinner when she was done. 
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Quoted:
I actually started going to a nurse practitioner a few years ago and wasn't aware they could conduct all the general diagnostic exams. On my very first visit, I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I did a self-exam for testicular cancer. I said my other doctor (who had just retired) never mentioned it so “no” I hadn’t done it. She had me drop ‘em and started performing a slow and methodical check of the boys. Then started on the main member while she explained what she was doing. At least that’s why I think she was saying. I was intently staring at the wall trying to think of anything but was going on down there! By the time she had me bend over, I was sweating and hoping she wasn’t going to give me a long, detailed dialogue of what she was doing there. I’m actually glad I now get regular check-ups. I know too many guys that have had prostrate problems. While we joke about it and find the exams invasive, they are quite necessary. Oh, I did ask her if I had to buy her dinner when she was done. http://medical-center-www.com/upload/media/Medical_gloves_1280296079.jpg I'm on for that next year. Doc already warned me! UGGGH! |
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Well, while we are talking about men's health and being in compromising positions. For those of you over 50, you should also get the 10' black snake up the ass also. Actually that part is not the rough part. It is the prep the day before. I know, been there and done that 3 times in less than 1.5 yrs. Sick bastard wanted me back again this year. Told him that I didn't want him to get sweat on me. LOL
But seriously, you all should get checked out. I had a 15mm, 24mm and a 25mm. Had me come back in 3 months to make sure it got it all. 2nd time said he had to clean up on some more. A year later he found another 5mm. All have been benign so in that matter I am clean. Just seems I grow polyps. For those of you who have not heard this. They make some wipes that are for adults I think. But they are like what you use to wipe a baby's behind. Believe you me, your arse will get sore very quickly. And if you end up having to drink that gallon of stuff. I used the cherry flavor packet. After about the 6th cup I was sick of the cherry flavor. So I chased it with lemon-lime gatoraide. Kind of nulled the cherry flavor some. BTW I just dont know if I could have some strange woman handling my junk or pooper. Not that I enjoy a guy doing it either 
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Quoted:
You do not have to do the gallon drink, there is also one that is in bottle that is concentrated and in only about a 1/2 pint Does the same thing with alot less liquid Every doc has there own prep instructions and rarely vary from his/her set instructions. Some prefer the gallon, others the smaller 1/2 pint. They are two completely different medications and have different effects on the body to produce the desired results. Basically, just do what the doc tells you to do. |
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eeke,
Geez, I try to offer up some helpful suggestions to others from my 3 time experience and you got to pick on the fact that there are other methods other than the gallon jug. I did say if you do the gallon jug method, didn't I? Boy are you some kind of stupid or what? Have you done the old scope on a rope yet? 1Mac, Is there any possibility of not being cleaned out IF you follow instructions and drink the whole thing? Man I never knew that one could piss through their ass so much. I so much as looked at a glass of water and I was on the throne.  Frankly I think it is the people who do not follow instructions and drink the whole thing that come in still dirty.
And one other thought. I do not know what this stuff is that eeke is talking about for sure. I do know my wife had to drink two small bottles years ago. They took that product off of the shelves as being unsafe. |
| Probably done the scope more than you have. After the second one , I asked Doc if there was something diff than the 1 gallon and he said YES and then told me about the other and gave me a choice . So for all you so called Doctors on this thread –– No you don't know as much as what you think you do |
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Probably done the scope more than you have. After the second one , I asked Doc if there was something diff than the 1 gallon and he said YES and then told me about the other and gave me a choice . So for all you so called Doctors on this thread –– No you don't know as much as what you think you do Probably? Well did you or didnt you? Gee thats something I think I would know for sure. Oh now look who wants to be the know it all Doctor. |
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Quoted:
eeke, Geez, I try to offer up some helpful suggestions to others from my 3 time experience and you got to pick on the fact that there are other methods other than the gallon jug. I did say if you do the gallon jug method, didn't I? Boy are you some kind of stupid or what? Have you done the old scope on a rope yet? 1Mac, Is there any possibility of not being cleaned out IF you follow instructions and drink the whole thing? Man I never knew that one could piss through their ass so much. I so much as looked at a glass of water and I was on the throne. Frankly I think it is the people who do not follow instructions and drink the whole thing that come in still dirty.
And one other thought. I do not know what this stuff is that eeke is talking about for sure. I do know my wife had to drink two small bottles years ago. They took that product off of the shelves as being unsafe. You usually have 3 options: 1. Nothing but clear liquids for a week or so. This is the long, slow way to prep. 2. Polyethylene glycol with electrolytes. The 1 gallon jug. Make sure to refrigerate it first and drink it fast. If you drink it too slowly, it won't work as well. 3. Magnesium citrate. The little bottles. Followed by plenty of water, this method works well also. If you don't follow the directions and get an incomplete prep, you may get a quick look with the scope and find out you have to repeat the whole process. Even when you do everything the right way, you might not end up "clean as a whistle". Some people are just totally full of s***! This thread is proof of that.
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Quoted: Having worked in hospital pharmacies for ~24 years, I have dispensed MANY jugs of Golytely. But I never tried it. I heard all the complaints, but called BS on the whiny patients. Then one time my Grandma was in the hospital and was smack-dab in the middle of her jug regimen. Just for shoots & giggles I asked her if I could try some and she was more than happy to oblige my curiosity. Meh, it tasted like really diluted 7-Up mixed into mildly soapy water. Not nasty, but not exactly tasty either. Then again I only tried a few sips of it, not a gallon.You usually have 3 options: 1. Nothing but clear liquids for a week or so. This is the long, slow way to prep. 2. Polyethylene glycol with electrolytes. The 1 gallon jug. Make sure to refrigerate it first and drink it fast. If you drink it too slowly, it won't work as well. Ahh yes, the "gallon-o-soapy-water". 3. Magnesium citrate. The little bottles. Followed by plenty of water, this method works well also. Ahh yes, "Liquid Lightning!!" BTW, if you're ever really locked up solid, to the point that even a full bottle of MOM doesn't get things moving along, one can buy the Magnesium Citrate at just about every drug store and it's really cheap. Buy two bottles, just in case. IIRC the recommended dosing is 1/2 bottle and then sit back and wait for it. MAKE NO OTHER IMMEDIATE PLANS!! WEAR NO BELTS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN'T BE RIPPED DOWNWARD FROM YOUR WAISTLINE WHILE AT A FULL SPRINT TO THE BATHROOM! The first "gurgle" you feel, start towards the bathroom WITHOUT delay. If no relief is had in a couple of hours, chug the other 1/2 of the bottle and wait some more. Still nothing? Crack open the second bottle and repeat. If one downs two whole bottles and nothing occurs, then son, you got the devil up in your ass! At that point I'd just get undressed and sleep in the tub because when that damn finally breaks you will have no warning or time to make it anywhere. Just SPLOOSH! ETA: BTW, the "black snake" is the same one no matter which end of you they attack. Dontcha really hope they cleaned it well after the last guy? |
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First off Beltfed isn't stupid. He just has the stones to speak his mind. Second you two should stop bickering and settle this shit like MEN!!! Yes I'm talking about a hot wing eat off at BWW!! ERIC10MM will officiate and I will drink beer and watch" A hot wing eating contest to the death? 
And yeah, beltfed may be opinionated but anyone that's spent some time around him knows he ain't stupid. He's also one of the few people in this world I'd trust my life with. 
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Yeah, ease up on the drama guys.  It's a thread about making sure your cornhole remains healthy. We all got cornholes and eventually they all cause us all problems. 'Taint no reason to make yourself look like one though.  It's a thread about a farking JOKE not a cornhole health thread... Taking it to the next level of shit just isn't funny 
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Yeah, ease up on the drama guys. It's a thread about making sure your cornhole remains healthy. We all got cornholes and eventually they all cause us all problems. 'Taint no reason to make yourself look like one though. It's a thread about a farking JOKE not a cornhole health thread... Taking it to the next level of shit just isn't funny I think Chilli Hole is a much more humorous term...lol I would also like to add stop being soooo ANAL!!! LMAO |
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I had my first colostomy earlier this year. Since I've heard all of the horror stories about the prep, I was not looking forward to it at all. In actuality it was not that big of a deal. Took all of the meds when I was supposed to and it did what they were supposed to do. Had the procedure done the next morning. (Everything fine btw) Now I wonder why everyone makes such a big deal about the whole thing.
Vulcan94 Since the original post was a joke, here's one. Sex is like the game of Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Vulcan94 |
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To expand on what Eric said about Mag Citrate (the little bottles)
This stuff really doesn't taste that bad, kind of like a sour sprite almost, but it works by increasing action of your intestines and pulling fluids back into them (basically it liquifies anything in its way). What I always tell patients with constipation is this; Find a good book, perhaps its time to start War and Peace. Drink 1 bottle of MagCitrate follow up with 64oz of water (this might be lessened depending on certain medical conditions), there will be results. I can't say I would recommend anyone take a second bottle with out talking to a pharmacist or doctor first. The reason this is relavent? Not much else in this thread is, and this is similar to the prep regimen that one of our GI docs likes for bowel prep (One likes this, the other like Golytely, rarely do they deviate from their standing orders) |