Posted: 2/6/2013 5:53:58 PM EDT
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An illegal alien, a Muslim, a communist, a pathological liar, and homosexual walk into the bar.
The bartender said, "What are you drinking, Mr. President?" Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the damn gun...'" When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked Chris when he boarded. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her." |
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A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text..............
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." He replied........"I am taking a shit. What should I do?" |