Posted: 2/6/2010 2:53:19 PM EDT
I'll start... 1. I simply answered truthfully when she asked, "honey do these jeans make my butt look fat?". I didn't know she had such a mean right hook 2. That's right doc, all I did was try to take away the kid's video games. A friend of mine today said he thought it would have been better to go to a dentist to have the teeth removed, rather than get into a bar fight |
your real present is out in the car, I'll be right back.
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started.... A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me acompliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's when the fight started.... |
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"So, in the end, She only had to tell me once." "My house keys fit the neighbor's...ask me how I know." "It's a better story in person" "That gal with the pretty long hair? Not a gal." Absinthe. Not for the faint of heart. Tequila. Do you know happened? Cheap Vodka. Have new adventures. Cheap Whiskey. For when you want to lose. Mad Dog 20/20. A story in every bottle. |
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OK, what happened? Don't forget that bad plans make good stories. Tooth extraction - 4 to be exact all on that side - 2 wisdom (so yes, I have less wisdom now) and 2 molars. Beautiful says I was one loopy, chatty guy when they wheeled me out and put me in the car... Thankfully I remembered and introduced her to the guy driving the chair - "this is my beautiful wife"... At least that's what she tells me 
Bruisies are getting larger and more colorful as the days go by Yes, Matt is right - it is a better story in person 
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So the dentist got angry and punched you out? No, I was already out 
And to comment on your earlier statement, yes it did hurt. I have 800mg Ibuprofen and 500 mg Vicoden that I was supposed to be taking together, but after 1 day, the Vicoden didn't agree with me and I barfed lunch... so I switched to 2 500 mg Tylenols (which say I can take them every 6 hours, but I've only been taking them every 8, about 2 hours before the ibuprofen to take the edge off). I'm hoping today I can retire the Tylenols as I almost made it through the night without them. Yeah, I can hardly wait to go back and have the implants put in (queue the rest of the WAHTF jokes) |
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How the hell did you get a black eye from molar extraction?   It's actually pretty common, especially with 4 teefesus gettin' yanked. Trust me, we all can be glad that it's Jhaz and not you. There is not much worse than the pain from that. Get well soon, and since you are just taking Motrin, get real, real, real drunk! |
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"You should see the other 6 guys who jumped me." "Whenever you hear 'watch this shit', 'this oughta work', and 'hold this perfectly still' in any order within 20-30 seconds of eachother..... leave" "....as I was saying, I never held much stock in a man who spends the better part of a conversation talking to a bear. Let me tell you why....." "She had just pulled the cord on the gas-powered vibrator when it happened." |
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How the hell did you get a black eye from molar extraction? Yeah, like Matt said - it wasn't just a molar.... it was 2 molars ... and I doubt that the molars had much to do with the black eye, it was the two wisdom teeth on the same side as the molars that were taken - and my guess is that since I know they were already pretty decayed (after 40 years or so, wouldn't you be?) they probably had to come out in pieces. I will say tho, that I didn't expect this much bruising. I had a wisdom taken out 6 years ago on the other side (just an upper one) and don't recall getting quite this beat up. I will have to get Beautiful to take some updated pics. The bruising and swelling has finally gone down (swelling almost to normal) but the lower jaw bruising got worse shortly after that picture. Most of the left side of my face is a bit yellow now
Beautiful has seen most of the "captions" and we've both had a good laugh from them. Dino - I was thinking this would have made for a better story around the LCR campfire last time ... I could got really drunk then, but there was too much competition in the "that guy" contest. |