Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Posted: 3/5/2006 4:14:10 PM EDT
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.

The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!

She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.

Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart!"

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Link Posted: 3/5/2006 6:26:11 PM EDT
THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the
cigars were lost in a series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued... and WON! (Stay with me.)
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS
Link Posted: 3/5/2006 7:04:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Rossi:
THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.
(snip)
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS



Oh, we're nuts, even though the story ain't true: Snopes.com

Bubbles burst while you wait!
Link Posted: 3/5/2006 7:26:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By YOPD:

Originally Posted By Rossi:
THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.
(snip)
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS



Oh, we're nuts, even though the story ain't true: Snopes.com

Bubbles burst while you wait!



OK. What about your Urban Legends website says about ths one?


From the dog's diary :

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!



From the cat's diary :

Day 1,483 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with

bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,

while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me

going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from

clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet

while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top

of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile

oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite

chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an

attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to

strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended

about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to

plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was

placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the

noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my

confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must

learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.

He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got

to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he

reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal

room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter

of time...



Link Posted: 3/5/2006 9:25:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Rossi:
What about your Urban Legends website says about ths one?



Sorry, too easy. I'm gonna pass on that one.
Link Posted: 3/6/2006 3:51:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By YOPD:

Originally Posted By Rossi:
What about your Urban Legends website says about ths one?



Sorry, too easy. I'm gonna pass on that one.



C'mon, it should say somewhere that cats and dogs do not think and that movie "Cats and Dogs" was a "hoax"?
Top Top