Have always carried 1911 45s with little muzzle flip.  Unsure about the polymer guns. Any info concerning the handling difference between the two calibers for carry.  Shot the Glock 45 and 40 and the 40 handled atrociously.

Well I don't have an XDm but I do own an XD45 and have shot my son's XD40.

I prefer the 45.

If you already have a 1911 in .45 then it makes sense
to get the XD in the same caliber.

Logistics!

The 40 does have some flip to it but by your third range visit you'll be fine.
It might take another few trips to stop shooting the ground w/your 45 however! J/k.

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I also do not have an xdm but I have owned 2 XDs in 45 (a compact and a full-size) and I shoot 1911s and I don't notice any "flip". In fact, I found the 45 to be more controllable than the xd40 that I shot a few times.

I have also shot an XDm in 40 and it did handle pretty well. But I'm a bigger fan of the 45 caliber myself so I'd go with that.

I have a loaded 1911, xd45 and an xdm 40. All shoot well. I find that the 1911 flips less a little than the xd45 and the xdm40(minimal flip or difference), Every time I shoot one or the other,I feel like I'm "cheating" on the others. They all flip more than a 9mm,but to me, a 9mm feels like a cap gun.(I also have a 92 inox) ATA, the xd series has the same grip angle as the 1911 so it should feel very familiar. Remember the xd's are double stack so they will be a bit wider in the grip. When shooting my 1911,then shooting my xd's you can feel the wider grip(not from web of hand to trigger finger, but palm to thumb if you know what I mean). Handle them and see how they feel. I personally fell that the Glock in 45 and 40 is not as comfortable as my xd45 or xdm40 (felt wider palm to thumb). I can operate the mag release on all my Springfields without changing my grip, the Glocks, I have to manipulate the pistol. YMMV.

Don't overlook the FNP series by FN. I have their .45 SS slide version, 15rd mag. It has a hammer (which I prefer) & the grip isn't too thick. Accurate too.

My .o2