Lone Star Judge, I think that you'll like this:
The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texans
Question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber pistol and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
What would I, of all people, be doing with a gun?! Besides, everybody knows that a new living and enlightened interpretation of the Constitution's Bill of Rights is that it only protects the right of the State and the Police to own a gun. But, to answer your uncouth and unsophisticated extremist question...
Does the man look poor or oppressed or marginalized? Have I, or anyone who looks like me, ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? In what sense am I responsible for forcing this victim of an unfair and socially unjust society to attack us? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? What do they think?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation? What if everybody protects themselves, like I might in this case, and it leads to extremism or vigilantism?
Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? How does he feel about all of this? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Would the loving and compassionate self-sacrifice of my life contribute to diversity and inclusiveness and social justice?
If I offered to finance his sex-change operation, would he become One with the Biosphere?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
This is all so confusing! I need to study and debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
Texan's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading).
Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"
Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"