Posted: 11/24/2009 10:45:01 PM EDT
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My wife often thinks that I should talk to someone about how I feel about my time overseas. I tend to disagree, but occasionally think she might be right, as well. So, I thought I would just write out some of the thoughts I have on here, in the Veteran's forum, and see if I'm alone. God knows that I haven't had to see the horrors that so many of our Soldiers and Marines have had to see. I was a loadmaster on the C-130, so was pretty removed from any serious shooting, unless someone tried to shoot at us. I always thought of the young men I hauled into various bases; silently wished them well, and hoped that everyone of them would make it home. The few times that I've had to carry a casket it deeply affected me. I don't know if it is being a former Marine or just a part of me, but I wish there was more I could do now. I've changed career fields, mostly because I'm getting older, and had to think about what I'm going to do in a few years when I retire. I honestly wish that I could pick up a rifle, go back, and get in the fight with my brother Marines. When I read about another Soldier or Marine gettting killed, it just makes me think about it again. I know what I'm doing now is important stuff. But part of me wishes that I could do more. I think the thing that scared my wife the most was when I got really upset during a welcome home party she gave me. I wasn't upset with her; I was upset that so many thousands of my brothers and sisters were still over there, dying, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't help. It seems that these feelings are coming back as of late. I'm actually trying to get a deployment, but with the job I have now, it will be very difficult. I've told my command that I'd take a deployment doing convoy work if I could find one, but with what they have invested in me, I don't think that would fly. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. Fuck that, and save any sympathy for those that are dying. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in how I feel. |
| No, you're not alone. I was Ground Radio, 2E1X3, and sat out both gulf wars stateside. While it made my wife happy that I was not in harm's way I hated being away from the AOR. I might not have ever been "in the fight" even if I had deployed with the Combat Comm unit I was in, but at least I would have felt more like i was doing my part. One of my peers died in a random attack in a "safe area" and it hit me in the gut in several ways including wishing I was there to help get the guys that killed him. At least in your loadmaster job you were having a direct impact on the success of our war effort. I retired 4 years ago and often wish I was still in and could be deployed. Good luck and I hope you find a way to satisfy your obvious strong sense of duty. |
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Quoted: Have you considered that your next step in life may be in instructing the younger men and women who are going over there, teaching them the valuable life lessons you've learned? Perhaps the NG is the way for you to go. I'm a full time Reservist, working concurrently with an active duty squadron in our mission. I'm far removed from any area where I might teach the younger troops, other than the mission that we have. That said, I do value that a number of the younger guys take a lot of what I say to heart. |