Posted: 5/18/2011 7:22:42 PM EDT
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Okay it is time once again for our annual 'Ho Round Up'. I will be soliciting our local ho population starting in the near future so that our city will be a safer place to live and work, blah, blah, blah. So anyway to try to keep it interesting and fresh each year I try to ask for something off the wall and this year I am completely bankrupt for some new material. In the past I've asked for animal acts and other similar things in exchange for cash so whatever you can think of I will consider it. Give me your best shot.
ETA: The average street walker in my world is dating approximately 30 customers a day. That means that in the last 6 months she has worked on roughly 5000+ dicks (based upon a 6 day work week) and heard the same number of requests for service. It really takes something extraordinary for a working girl to hear a new request. |
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Okay it is time once again for our annual 'Ho Round Up'. I will be soliciting our local ho population starting in the near future so that our city will be a safer place to live and work, blah, blah, blah. So anyway to try to keep it interesting and fresh each year I try to ask for something off the wall and this year I am completely bankrupt for something fresh. In the past I've asked for animal acts and other similar things in exchange for cash so whatever you can think of I will consider it. Give me your best shot. Ask for a blumpkin. 
Lets see a glass bottom boat, alabama hot pocket etc. Last two aren't exactly sex though. A 75 ford or a 56 John Deere are also quite rare I may say. 
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Okay it is time once again for our annual 'Ho Round Up'. I will be soliciting our local ho population starting in the near future so that our city will be a safer place to live and work, blah, blah, blah. So anyway to try to keep it interesting and fresh each year I try to ask for something off the wall and this year I am completely bankrupt for something fresh. In the past I've asked for animal acts and other similar things in exchange for cash so whatever you can think of I will consider it. Give me your best shot. Ask for a blumpkin.
Lets see a glass bottom boat, alabama hot pocket etc. Last two aren't exactly sex though. A 75 ford or a 56 John Deere are also quite rare I may say. Trying to explain a blumpkin to a street walker would be like explaining the geometrical advantages of the swing wing design on an F111 to a 4th grader. I can hear it now, "I don't care what kind of kin he is to you, aint no blumpy thing goin in me."
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Carry one of these...... http://dovsbythecase.com/catalog2/images/coke%202%20liter.jpg .....and tell them you want to see it disappear. At 5000+ johnsons you'd better upgrade from a coke bottle to a parking cone! |
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Have her give you a reach around while you say the pledge of allegiance.
Bring a real pair of cuffs and tell her you've never been cuffed to a bed before. Bring a bunch of paper pesos (real or fake, doesn't matter) and tell her you've always wanted to "screw the mexican economy". You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Tell her you just got tested clean for STDs and want to see how many girls you can fuck until you get one. Bonus points for adding in that you've got a pool going with your buddies on how many you can screw before you catch one. Wear a suit and ask her if she wants to become a real life "Pretty Woman". That's all I got for now. |
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You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Done that. In uniform. Marked squad. All on camera. Dog in the back too?  Yeah. "I get off in thirty minutes baby." 
This was after we were told there wasn't enough man power that night to do a plain clothes deal on them. 
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You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Done that. In uniform. Marked squad. All on camera. Dog in the back too? Yeah. "I get off in thirty minutes baby."
This was after we were told there wasn't enough man power that night to do a plain clothes deal on them. Wow... I think I have a new goal in my LE career. 
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You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Done that. In uniform. Marked squad. All on camera. Dog in the back too? Yeah. "I get off in thirty minutes baby."
This was after we were told there wasn't enough man power that night to do a plain clothes deal on them. Im surprised that your supervisors let you get away with that. Hell the DA in harris county wont even accept soliciting charge on a prostitute unless it comes from HPD's vice division. I got a written and verbal confession from a john on video after miranda stating that he was picking her up, what they were going to do and how much and an agreement to testify in court and the Ho admitted the whole deal on video too after being mirandized. DA said she wouldnt take it because the guy was just going to change his story in court and the case would drop. Nevermind the fact that rebutting a written statement would make it a false report to a peace officer. I say you stay close enough to real life to make it believable but not obvious. Dress up in yalls police officer cadet uniform and pick them up around the time the academy lets out. Also ask if any of their other clients are in the academy.
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Im surprised that your supervisors let you get away with that. Hell the DA in harris county wont even accept soliciting charge on a prostitute unless it comes from HPD's vice division. I got a written and verbal confession from a john on video after miranda stating that he was picking her up, what they were going to do and how much and an agreement to testify in court and the Ho admitted the whole deal on video too after being mirandized. DA said she wouldnt take it because the guy was just going to change his story in court and the case would drop. Nevermind the fact that rebutting a written statement would make it a false report to a peace officer. I say you stay close enough to real life to make it believable but not obvious. Dress up in yalls police officer cadet uniform and pick them up around the time the academy lets out. Also ask if any of their other clients are in the academy. That is part of my job duties. If you can keep a straight face and sell it, you can ask for some pretty interesting things. It gets pretty boring pulling up and asking for a blowjob for $10 deal after deal. Variety is the spice of life. I once told a girl that I was a salesman passing through and it was lonely being on the road all of the time. I had a dog that travelled with me to ease the lonliness and I really tried to do all that I could for my friend. I told her that I would pay an extra $100 if she did the dog too. She never missed a beat and replied, "Honey, I don't do animal acts." She didn't even blink an eye. That told me that I wasn't the first or even the second to ask. I have interviewed herds of ho's over the years and they are pretty honest about their work. There are some real sickos in the world. |
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I always play it simple until I get the deal and then have fun. Around here our crack head whores pretty much jump in and solicit right off the bat so it is not very difficult to get em.
I did have one (whom I had dealt with in the past) jump in and call me out by name, I told her I was off duty and she commensted to offering up a Bj for $20,  LOL.
J- |
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You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Done that. In uniform. Marked squad. All on camera. Dog in the back too? Yeah. "I get off in thirty minutes baby."
This was after we were told there wasn't enough man power that night to do a plain clothes deal on them.  
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You could go for the ironic approach and say "Ma'am, I'm a cop out for a good time, can you hook me up?" Done that. In uniform. Marked squad. All on camera. Dog in the back too? Yeah. "I get off in thirty minutes baby."
This was after we were told there wasn't enough man power that night to do a plain clothes deal on them. Im surprised that your supervisors let you get away with that. Hell the DA in harris county wont even accept soliciting charge on a prostitute unless it comes from HPD's vice division. I got a written and verbal confession from a john on video after miranda stating that he was picking her up, what they were going to do and how much and an agreement to testify in court and the Ho admitted the whole deal on video too after being mirandized. DA said she wouldnt take it because the guy was just going to change his story in court and the case would drop. Nevermind the fact that rebutting a written statement would make it a false report to a peace officer. I say you stay close enough to real life to make it believable but not obvious. Dress up in yalls police officer cadet uniform and pick them up around the time the academy lets out. Also ask if any of their other clients are in the academy. Captain and above were not impressed. My Lt gave me a commendation letter for innovative police work 
DA never had a problem with it. Our plain clothes guys are over worked and under staffed, so we often set up plain clothes stuff on the side. It's something different every now and again. I never testified on it. The charge was felony solicitation - two or more prior convictions (the hoe actually had 12 convictions). DA pled it to a misdemeanor and the hoe got 3 months in the county for it. |
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I have interviewed herds of ho's over the years and they are pretty honest about their work. There are some real sickos in the world. Agreed. I often stop and talk to them, after a while they get use to you and become 1) great snitches 2) the tellers of the greatest stories your ears have ever heard. |
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I have interviewed herds of ho's over the years and they are pretty honest about their work. There are some real sickos in the world. Agreed. I often stop and talk to them, after a while they get use to you and become 1) great snitches 2) the tellers of the greatest stories your ears have ever heard. This X10. Police war stories don't hold a candle to ho war stories. The shit they talk about is off the chain. I had a ho tell me about a regular customer that would pick her up when her feet were filthy (she would walk bare foot all day). She said that the filthier her feet the more the guy would get turned on. They would go to their spot and he would strip down naked and get in the back of his SUV. He would get on all fours and then order her to shove one of her big toes up his butt while he jacked off. She said that was the whole date and he would pay her $50. She said it was some of the easiest money she would make just sitting there with her toe up his ass waiting for him to finish. |
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We normally see how naked we can get them while talking money. Most times if we order in we can to take a shower and come out showing us their wares. Have them do naked jumping jacks. srsly? you guys really get liberal with the UC stuff. I thought vice was all business but i guess after you deal with crack whores 24/7 365 you get bored and cant help but to mess with them. And what that other guy was saying about crazy stories and great dope tips are true. ALL the dope tips that i got were from prostitutes and bums. |
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I have interviewed herds of ho's over the years and they are pretty honest about their work. There are some real sickos in the world. Agreed. I often stop and talk to them, after a while they get use to you and become 1) great snitches 2) the tellers of the greatest stories your ears have ever heard. This X10. Police war stories don't hold a candle to ho war stories. The shit they talk about is off the chain. I had a ho tell me about a regular customer that would pick her up when her feet were filthy (she would walk bare foot all day). She said that the filthier her feet the more the guy would get turned on. They would go to their spot and he would strip down naked and get in the back of his SUV. He would get on all fours and then order her to shove one of her big toes up his butt while he jacked off. She said that was the whole date and he would pay her $50. She said it was some of the easiest money she would make just sitting there with her toe up his ass waiting for him to finish. now that's just NASTY! 
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We normally see how naked we can get them while talking money. Most times if we order in we can to take a shower and come out showing us their wares. Have them do naked jumping jacks. srsly? you guys really get liberal with the UC stuff. I thought vice was all business but i guess after you deal with crack whores 24/7 365 you get bored and cant help but to mess with them. And what that other guy was saying about crazy stories and great dope tips are true. ALL the dope tips that i got were from prostitutes and bums. Seriuos business? I like vice the least of all of the things that I do but without a doubt the funniest shit that I have seen in LE happened during vice deals. To me vice is a neccesary evil that allows me to do alot of other really cool things. I make the best of it and try to have a good time. I have a partner that acts like he has turrets syndrome when he propositions the ladies. Absolutely the funniest gag I've seen. It's on video which makes the playback hilarious. There is a guy in our unit that swears he is going to dress in a clown suit this year to work the ho round up. I hope he does but it pisses me off to be out done. Hence my search for a fresh angle. |