[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Im dying inside (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:24:25 PM EDT
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Im in love with a man who doesnt love me in return. I have sacrificed everything for the sake of one sided love. I could go into a long story about why, but that is just it, that is the bottom line. I am desparately in love with a man that I thought loved me. Broken hearts hurt! Knowing that Im a fool hurts so much worse. |
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Eh... Find a better one. (Theres a million out there) Take this 'single' time go go out with your girlfriends, and have a fun!  I'm sorry you hurt right now, it will get better. eta: I'm sorry if that sounded cold. Its just that you've already made the mistake of "sacrificing everything" for a man that didn't love you, the way you loved him. Dwelling on it, and being miserable is only continuing to make you hurt. Best way to get over him is a clean break. Be DONE, and live well.  |
Unless you're 94 and on your death bed, you didn't throw your life away. You are in unrequited love, big deal. Really, it's not the end of the world, and you have time to find your happiness with someone who loves you. Don't ever, ever, EVER, attempt to "love someone into me", by hurling emotion onto someone hoping it will stick. That's a bad woman's habit. When you meet a man, and you know it's right, NOTHING will keep you from loving or being with that person, with respect and kindness, right?? So, don't waste 1 second of your life with someone who won't do the same for you without being forced into it. |
| Sorry it happened to you it happens to both sides I was married for 17 years to a block of ice. BUT take my word for it he is not the only one out there I had more fun in the last 10 years since I got rid of her ass then I did the whole 17 years I was married. I have since found and remarried a wonderful woman that I know loves me and loves doing alot of the same things I love to do. Take some time for your self and remember who you are. It took me 4 years for me to remember who I was after my divorce. Don't let that happen to you. Do what you like to do and don't give your self away just to be with some body else. Nobody else can make you happy you have to be happy with your self! |
[hijack] Aw, don't make fun of my sexy Elvis. How I love him so. [/hijack]
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This sounds EXACTLY like my situation only that I put my foot down last Tuesday, and we broke up 3 days ago. 18 months of long distance and I stil wasn't enough of a priority to get a few days of her vacation time. Obviously more to it but yes loving and not being loved enough hurts. A lot. But I know I'm in the right and that makes this much easier. Put your foot down and then move on. |
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This is NOT good. Where are you? If you're anywhere near SoCal I'll drag you out. 
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One of the best ways of forgetting/dealing with our own problems is to focus on and give to people who have real problems. Why don't you sign up for some volunteer work? You'd be out among people, doing something worthwhile and I'm betting it would be a great way to make friends. I volunteered at one of the local cancer centers last spring. It was pretty humbling, especially being among the children. A very rewarding experience. I gained far more from simply giving of my time than I could ever have hoped to give. |
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I went through a baaaaaad breakup a little over a year ago. Left in a similar situation with very few friends who were willing to stick it out with me; guess they thought I'd do nothing but whine about it. I have more dignity than that. Anyway, you just need to find things to fill your time so you don't drive yourself crazy thinking about him. It's okay to wallow, but after a week or so you have to pick yourself up and move on with life. If it was one-sided, it wasn't worth it anyway and you deserve so much better. My breakup turned out to be a blessing in disguise; I found a man a few months later who is a thousand times better in every aspect of a relationship. You will too. He'll be everything you deserve, including reciprocated love. Read books. I read the entire Harry Potter series and became engrossed in that for a while. It was a welcome distraction. Go bowling, play foosball, start learning how to knit or rock out at House of the Dead 4. Keep yourself busy. Don't overdose on chick flicks or ice cream. And get yourself out of the house, even if it's to go to someone else's house. You'll be okay. You'll be better than that, you'll be great when your hindsight's 20/20. |
^^ EXCELLENT advice. I'll add, let old friends and aquaintences know you are available again, and would like to get together...Accept invitations to things you would usually decline, and get into the mindset that you are going to go out there and have a good time. Start living again. |
this is a better idea than you seem tothink i moved about three years ago--almost all of my new friends are from ARFCOM--go to your hometown forum--where are you? |
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You love her But she loves him And he loves somebody else You just can't win And so it goes Till the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry I've had the blues The reds and the pinks One thing for sure Love stinks !! Your not alone . I don't think there are many people who haven't felt the way you feel right now . Hang in there and move on .... It does get better . At least that's what I keep telling myself |
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I am really sorry you are hurting so bad. I can tell you from experience it won't get better...the longer you pine for him the more he makes a mockery of of all that you have done for him and given him. You are worth more. I got tired being alone and unappreciated. I simply stopped caring so much and I took up a hobbie. His name is The Commander... When he goes to the driving range with his buddies. The Commander and I go to the shooting range... That is Colt Commander btw. Odd. He doesn't like my hobbie. I put my gun safe right where he used to keep his clubs...  |
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Blah - whining won't do you any good - things will get better - trust in yourself! Work on obtaining your own personal goals. Focus on yourself and give love to those that reciprocate your love instead of someone who doesn't truly care. Too many times we get lost in what's important for those around us and we forget about ourselves. Make a list of things you'd like to accomplish - some reasonable and some a little crazy maybe - and get 'er done! You'll feel great finally getting around to doing something you really love doing and you may even meet someone cool while you're doing it. Chin up!
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Tigereyes, I know right now that you must feel no one else could begin to feel as much pain as you do now. If someone had told you a few years ago how much pain you would be feeling now, you could not have begun to believe it. But many, many of us here, both female AND male have endured pain of the same nature, and perhaps even to the same depth. The only comfort that can offer is that you are not alone. And many of us actually can understand. The passage of time and taking up new interests and friendships will ease the pain. But someitimes it feels like the wound is being reopened and cauterisec instead of treated with healing balm. This will pass. Really. It will. {{{hugs}}} |
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Trust us, almost all of us have had a similar experience. Grab yourself by your dignity and self-respect, lift yourself up and move on. He should either return your affection or cut you loose in an honest and respectful manner. Anything else is selfish contempt on his part. I got so sick of these games years ago I now have a zero tolerance policy for them. You learn when to tell the train is a gonna wreck and jump off early. Jumping out of the releationship on your terms beats the wreck thats coming. Remember the one person you can never get away from is yourself. Give that one priority and life will be better. I promise! |
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When I first got on this board, I noticed that there are a LOT of people here that have gone through really hard times. The sadest stories I've ever heard about are from people right here. If anyone can give you good advice its these people here. O and if you ever become desparate:SSS! I understand that friend thing some. When gringopistolero and I started dating I realized that ALL of my closest friends were male and hanging out with the guys was putting me in a difficult position. We just stopped hanging out little by little until we dont really talk anymore. One person that I have found that has always been there for me is my mom and sister. Family can soothe many aches. Pray and have faith that it will all work out. {{{Hugs}}} Mrs. Snaps |
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Here are some interesting sites to peruse...hope you are hanging in there!!! Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site Dealing with a narcissist... Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited |
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Did someone say narcissism??? My specialty indeed! Here is something from one of the links posted above that warrants cut and paste directly... "Survival Tips: It is OK to have sad times. You miss the parts of your relationship that were good. It's OK to grieve. But never, ever forget the bad! Sit down right now and write a comprehensive list of all the times that he intimidated you, abused you verbally, emotionally, or physically. Don't forget the passive aggressive stuff (like helping another woman with her coat at a party, but not helping you; being late; not following through; not answering, so you have to "chase" him for an answer; etc.) Take the "Badness" list above, extrapolate and project into the future. Make things worse. Much worse. Abuse does get worse, you know. What might your life be like during the bad times down the road? How does he handle marriage and the inevitable disagreements? Your job? Money? Kids? What does a selfish, immature parent look like when in a bad mood? How might he treat your future children? And how would he rationalize his misbehavior to himself? Keep these lists with you and read it them time you feel down. Separate how much you miss of what: How much percent do you miss the whole person he is as opposed to how much percent do you miss being in a relationship: having a life together; making future plans; daily chats; evenings & weekends, etc? Do you miss him - or miss being in a relationship? Are you depressed? You may need treatment! Remind yourSelf that this too shall pass. Do not begin dating immediately. Don't escape your pain; use it to grow. Stick to your guns, get your ducks in a row, and know that in 6 months, you'll be glad you did. Keep busy! Use this time for self-improvement. Become more and more of the woman you want to be; become your very best. This is a great time to lose those last few pounds, get in better physical shape, improve your diet, try out new hobbies, join a group, take an evening class. And read up on becoming more of your own person so that you don't simply plop into the lap of the next male animal that is interested. The next guy's got to deserve you! This book will help you claim your personal power by illustrating how women with very high self-esteem behave: Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov. Remember: each day you get through, the stronger you become. Go Girl, Go! Good luck to you, and may God bless you and yours. Dr. Irene" |
Oh God, why do I have the feeling this is the female equivalent of the "why women like bad boys: be an asshole and get the chicks" type of thinking? |
I am desperately in love with a man that doesn't love me back as well. I feel your pain, sister. 
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Food for thought: If you don't change this relationship, where will you be in another 6 years? Think of all the bitterness you'll harbor then. The thing is: The obvious correct advice based on what you've posted is to leave. Obviously, it's not as easy to DO than it is for us to SAY. You can't turn off your emotions that easily. The thing is though: You still have to DO IT. It may feel like taking a leap of faith, and there will undoubtedly be hard times on the road, but everyone else has already mentioned (truthfully) that it WILL GET BETTER. You just have to steel yourself for the process. One other thing I would suggest is for you to maybe see a counselor. There's something that's kept you in this relationship for way too long, and it may be worth finding out why. If you don't work on changing that part of yourself, you may simply end up with someone else "like him". |
That is easily on my top 10 list of "most disturbing images I've ever seen." THANKS  On a serious note Tigereyes - hit up arfcommers in your hometown threads and start new friendships with people who are equally as disturbed as we are. 
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