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Posted: 3/9/2006 6:42:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 6:43:02 AM EDT by PlaymoreMinds]
As some of you know, I have 2 boys. My eldest will be 9. I know kids are waaaaaay more "savvy" these days and since he has older friends (up to age 12) in the neighborhood, I'm wondering if hubby should start the line of communication about the birds and the bees. Ladies, I am curious as to when the rest of you started and if you have any pearls of wisdom to share.

Guys are WELCOME to comment, but PLEASE, this IS the Women's forum. Keep it nice!

Thanks in advance.

Link Posted: 3/9/2006 7:15:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 7:16:22 AM EDT by diabolical_chicken]
no kids here

my mother was pregnant with my little brother when i was 9, your son's age, and i got the big part of the "talk/explaination" then--i assume so i understood what was happening--i dont remember asking

id say the same rule as ever applies--keep it simple and dont give more info than he wants/needs/understands--if he has a good relationship with you or hubby, he will ask when hes curious
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 7:37:23 AM EDT
Try explaining a "Bad touch" to your 5 year old.. that was fun.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 8:00:11 AM EDT
My husband refused to do the "Talk" so when I found my son with his cousins PlayBoys at 12 I had the talk with him. My daughter and I talk about nearly everything but she was very inquizative around the age of 12 so she got more information then.

Patty
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 8:05:42 AM EDT
I'm just going to be completely honest with them from jump.

No Santa Claus.... no Easter Bunny

Kids come from loving parents who make love...no stork

I refuse to lie to my children. If I have to tell them "you don't need to know the answer to that question" once in a while, I feel like that's better than lying to them.

Link Posted: 3/9/2006 9:20:12 AM EDT
My son just had a movie about puberty at school and I've been encouraging my husband to talk with him. He talks like he knows more but I'm not too sure due to comments made, he is 11.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 9:35:10 AM EDT
He hasn't said anything to us (except he did demand to know what "Gay" meant since all the "Toughguys" at school say things like, "Joey's back pack is so Gay!" and "Bart's shoes are so gay!" So I explained "Gay" as slang used here improperly.

He asked ONCE where babies come from. He was 6 and his brother was nursing at my breast. I told him they came from the hospital. Hey...he caught me off guard. Then he asked how my youngest got out of my tummy. Told him the doc had to cut him out (I didn't lie, both kids were sections). He never asked how he got IN there, so like D-C here, I did not offer more than he could handle.

<<sigh>> He's not asking now...but I overhear some of these boys talking to each other...and I dunno, I'm worried he may get info from them (erroneous) before he does from us.

I knew when I was in the 2nd grade: I asked, my mom turned 20 shades of purple and passed out and my dad had the talk with me. But I was born an adult. A silly one, but an adult (Both my parents used to tell me that all the time). He's immature for his age. I hardly ever post questions like this on here, but I just wondered (since most of my friends' kids are younger than mine or not born yet) what the "average" is for this.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 10:04:51 AM EDT
Our oldest boy (almost 11) started asking some pointed questions before he was 9 years old, and we basically spelled it out for him, using proper terminology, and told him that if he heard anything in school or wherever that he wanted to know more about, to come and ask us. Neither my wife or I have any major embarrasment issues with covering the basics, so it wasn't very difficult. Of course, one unintended consequence, was that he turned around, and started passing the info along to his younger brother, who now, at age almost seven, is fully versed on the technicals, thanks to the curiosity unleashed by his brother.

I think when we were kids, it was easier for our parents to keep their heads in the sand, we weren't exposed to nearly the same amount of sex imagery and conversation in society. But I do feel strongly that kids need to hear it from someone that they can trust, and never be made to feel that there are off limits topics.

Fish
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 11:32:01 AM EDT
Our son will be 9 this fall and recently has discovered our stash of playboys... (they are in the bottom drawer in the bathroom) anyway.... mini version of daddy while on the potty... he came out and told me what he did because the drawer was still open and I knew already.. Well he preceded to tell me his "penis" was standing up.. (holding my laugh in) he then asked me why it did that? um yeah... what to tell him.... I said that sometimes when boys see things that they like to look at that will happen.. (ok BAD choice of words) he then asks me why it does not do that when he is watching cartoons!!
hock.gif

He is extremely shy around girls tat he really likes and get easily embarrassed... The topic of sex has come up here and there but he does not really want to know.. He know that mommy and daddy are up to something when they are in the shower at the same time or suddenly are in the bedroom with the door locked... LOL! "Daddy thinks mommy is sexy" is his explanation..

Works for me!!!!

I personally will just be straight when he asks about it.. I don't want to start talking with him about something that he is just not interested in at the moment.. Thank God!!
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 11:33:15 AM EDT
9, I think - for the sex talk. My dad sat me down for that one. I was about the same age when my sister and her friend pulled me in a closet to tell me about the little dot at the end of a sentence. Those videos in 5th grade helped explain more though.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 11:41:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 11:44:00 AM EDT by snuffy19608]
First off, I've already had the first of several "talks" I plan to have with my son. He's 2.

Second, one of the other posts mentioned "bad touching". This is a talk you should have as soon as you think they know what body parts you'rs talking about. You DON'T KNOW who may be wanting to touch your child in an inappropriate manner. Case in point: my wife and I are both in EMS, she's and EMT and I'm a Medic. Last year a policeman sat in our living room and showed my wife pictures of 9 y/o girls naked that one of her coworkers had been looking at on the internet. He showed them to her because they scumbag had used her password- she forgot to log off. This is a person we've known for years, a loving father to his son, worked 2 full time jobs to pay the bills. He held my son when he was a baby! he

Third, I see way too many 9-10 old girls pregnant or trying because they're having feelings they don't understand and they want to play dollie with the real thing. And if they girl's carrying there's a good chance that there's a little boy involved. We need to start looking at having the "talk" a lot earlier than most of us think about. Kids are seeing sexual material from dawn till dusk, books,magazines,tv,movies. I was in a middle school the other day on a call and a little girl about 12 was walking down the hall wearing stilletto heeled boots, low cut jeans and a barely-there top. When I was young(long ago) hookers wore more clothes!

Fourth: Playmore Minds, the fact that you asked means you have brains to go with those looks. Your husband is one lucky man, and your kids have an excellent mother.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 11:49:35 AM EDT
I am 35 and I am still waiting for the sex talk from my parents. They are big on building suspense, I guess.

I have two kids so I think I know most of the basics. I would say the age range of 9-11 is a good time to cover the basics and to let them know that the door is open for questions and answers.

I also raise bees, incidentally. Be careful if you decide to use the birds and bees analogy. You may wish to leave out the part of the drone bee snapping his penis off in the queen bee and then plummeting to his death (they have sex in mid air). She then pulls the offending member out, and repeats this process roughly 35 more times. Then she never has sex again (can you blame her?). I always feel for the drones in my colonies. They look so...optimistic.

Best of luck,
Cheese
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:08:36 PM EDT
My son is 13, I know for a fact that he's covered it in health in school. He lives with his Dad, and I remember asking years ago if they had "had the talk" , and my ex said yes.

He's immature sexually for his age, hasn't expressed any interest yet in girls, he's more interested in marching band, his saxophone and schoolwork.

But DANG the kid spends ALOT of time in the bathroom. I just don't go there.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:12:52 PM EDT
I was about 9 when I got the talk.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:32:11 PM EDT
I'm suppose to talk to the kids about sex? I just waited until they were both menstrating and got pregnant again and told them, this is what happens when you have sex.

Seriously though, I believe I talked to both girls before they turned 10. I have always kept an open dialogue with them about sex and birth control etc. I have recently had the pleasure of putting one daughter on birth control.

I think as soon as they start showing interest, or noticing "hey mom and dad locked the door" and are old enough to understand, then it is time to sit them down and have the talk. I have one more talk to go, and thankfully that will be a few years down the road yet. And since he is a boy, I think Daddy should handle that one.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:36:53 PM EDT
Just look the other way when you find porn stashes, they will learn the jist of it their. Mainly just teach them responsibility condoms birth control etc. When they are high school age they will likely do it anyway, thus minimize the risk.

I personally never got the "TALK" that would have creeped me out.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 2:12:20 PM EDT
We have always been up front and honest with our son. When he came home from school at about 6 or 7 years old, and we had to explain what he heard on the playground. Then had to straighten it out about some of what he heard. Kids hear things and are told alot earlier than you think.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 6:16:50 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
As some of you know, I have 2 boys. My eldest will be 9. I know kids are waaaaaay more "savvy" these days and since he has older friends (up to age 12) in the neighborhood, I'm wondering if hubby should start the line of communication about the birds and the bees. Ladies, I am curious as to when the rest of you started and if you have any pearls of wisdom to share.

Guys are WELCOME to comment, but PLEASE, this IS the Women's forum. Keep it nice!

Thanks in advance.




Don't say anything thats the best thing my parents did with me. I'm 16 they never said a word and I found out for my self. There is no need for long pointless and slightly embarssing conversations. The schools theese days seem to do there job. If you fell that you need to talk to him about it wait till he is 13. 9 girls are still gross at 9.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 6:41:39 PM EDT
When my husband and I were married I became step-mom to a great 6 y/o girl. He and I had started trying to have a baby and asked Denise what she would think of a little brother....her answer, "If Mommy and Daddy aren't married anymore, how can I have a little brother?".
All I can offer is that the time to have the birds and the bees talk will probably find you as opposed to vice versa. It may be less uncomfortable for you if you initiate it.
Link Posted: 3/10/2006 6:22:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsWildweasel:
We have always been up front and honest with our son. When he came home from school at about 6 or 7 years old, and we had to explain what he heard on the playground. Then had to straighten it out about some of what he heard. Kids hear things and are told alot earlier than you think.



Looks like there's gonna be a discussion this weekend at the PlaymoreMind home.

I now KNOW it needs to be done. I guess you just wanna think they're still babies. I don't coddle my boys, but damn, I was not ready for this.

<<sigh>>

Thanks all for your input, insight, humor, and nice comments.
Much appreciated!
Link Posted: 3/10/2006 10:14:18 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/10/2006 12:42:18 PM EDT
I tried to have 'the talk' with my son when he was 11 or 12 he just looked at me pityingly and told me that he'd already learned all about it in school.

He was mortified when he was 14 and I got pregnant. Poor kid was so embarrassed at the realisation that mom and dad still do 'it'.

I strongly agree that kids need to know about inappropriate touching. I'm not terribly trusting about anyone when it comes to my kids.
Link Posted: 3/10/2006 1:02:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/10/2006 1:05:14 PM EDT by SouthHoof]
Talk? That's what the intarweb is for! What do ya think the government puts all that porn on there for?

My sons were 'bout 12-13. They sorta had it figured out by then...movies. My only admonishment was "Keep your dick in your pants" while their to similar aged buddies were in the living room
them ----> "You do not need to be a daddy in high school & I sure as hell don't want to be a sleeping with some kid's grandma."

A few years later, 17-19yrs I was a bit more serious about it. "Make damn sure you use protection " "I still don't wanna sleep with some kid's grandma"
Link Posted: 3/12/2006 10:11:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/12/2006 10:47:23 AM EDT by Orygunman]

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
As some of you know, I have 2 boys. My eldest will be 9. I know kids are waaaaaay more "savvy" these days and since he has older friends (up to age 12) in the neighborhood, I'm wondering if hubby should start the line of communication about the birds and the bees. Ladies, I am curious as to when the rest of you started and if you have any pearls of wisdom to share.

Guys are WELCOME to comment, but PLEASE, this IS the Women's forum. Keep it nice!

Thanks in advance.



If your child is hanging with 12 yr. olds then it's time to have the talk about sexuality. Besides physical differences, a good start could be a clarification of terms used on the playground. Children are exposed to so much more than I was at the same age, times have changed. What was considered an R rated movie when I was a child is now on primetime TV.

Link Posted: 3/13/2006 6:53:57 AM EDT
A few pointers.

1. DON'T FREAK OUT. Kids are as uncomfortable discussing this as we are. If we're wierding out that just makes it harder for them.
2. The content of the talk is not as important as communicating that the kids can talk to you about sex and that sex is a good thing. Side Note: We must have done OK on this, because the other day our son walked in and yelled out, "Hey Mom, what's a clit?" Now he and I had talked about this its importance, but I had not used the word in its abreviated form. His Mom explained and he said, "Oh, yeah I knew that" and went back to tell his friends who'd been wondering (some of whom were female)
3. Letting your kids know their parents have a healthy sex life is a good thing. Kids do better when they know Mom and Dad love each other. Also, it helps with the whole "sex is normal" thing.
4. Don't wait too long. My Dad didn't have the talk with me until I was about 17. He said, "I guess we should talk about sex." I said, "Sure, Dad, what do you want to know?"
5. Pretty soon you'll need to invest in some unscented hand lotion. Don't ask what he's doing with it, just make sure there's some available.
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