Posted: 7/1/2005 4:08:02 AM EDT
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Now, I'm sort of hyper-sensitive where my friends are concerned, but I know this already, so when they tell me about the crudey things their husbands say or do, I try to play devil's advocate rather than trashing the husband because I know they are really just airing grievances, but one friend's husband disturbs me. A brief background. The woman is tall and carries some extra weight on her. She's about 165. Her husband isn't going to blow away in the wind anytime soon. His sense of humor is notoriously dry, and he's a really conscientious husband, coming home every night and taking his responsibilities seriously, but every now and then something like this comes out of his mouth... "I'm gonna have to start following you around and oinking..." This in response to finding a bowl in the bathroom (he had chased her out of the tub so she forgot to take it with her) where she had a snack while taking a bath first thing in the morning. This isn't the first time. She eats often and is nursing a baby. Can any of you tell me what a "devil's advocate" might say in this situation? |
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Mmmmmmmmm no... not coming up with anything because I don't think he NEEDS a devil's advocate in that situation. Sounds like an ass to me. He could use a little tact and perhaps some respect. Why chase her out of the tub too? That would be a "no the hell you didn't" moment for me. No one messes with my baths.  No one should oink at their wife. Geez. 
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As much as I'd like to scratch his eyes out for being such an ass, I'm sure it's been going on for quite a while. Men don't start treating women like that overnight. It probably bothers you more than your friend, she's probably made peace with it. Not excusing him, but he's not going to change now, unless something drastic happens. And it has to come from her. But it wouldn't stop me from making noises and following HIM around. Just for fun. |
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I made the oink noise at my wife ONCE. We were out eating ribs one night and she ate her whole rack and part of mine. We left there and were walking across the parking lot , she said her stomache was hurting cause she ate so much. I oinked at her , well long story short I walked home (bout 3 miles) and learned you never ever ever oink at a woman.  BTW she had a really really busy day so didnt get a chance to eat at all for the whole day. |
I'd have left your ass there, too....  
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Take it one step farther and save yourself some trouble. NEVER comment on what or how much a woman eats. EVER! They're very sensitive about it. |
Yes we are. I was awarded the Glutton Award at work one year (2 years ago?). I was actually quite proud of that though! The Glutton Award is a big deal to win. It's been goin' on since like the 70's and has the names of all the previous winners on the certificate.  But still... no oinking at women. 99% will take offense, the other 1% will break your nose. |
You didn't get slapped? I don't take offense to that stuff, but that because I have a high metabolism for the time being. I take it for granted. |
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My first husband didn't oink at me, but he actually had the nerve to comment about my weight when I got up to a whopping 110 lbs when I was taking birth control pills. He commented about how much heavier I was than when he married me. He had always had to watch his weight and it didn't take much for him to start putting on the pounds. He was in one of his fat periods when he said it. It really pissed me off, because it was shallow and because of the double standard that he had for the two of us. I looked at him and I heard this low, hard voice coming from my mouth saying, "Why don't you go look in the mirror and if you are the same size you were when I married you, come and talk to me about it." He shut his mouth and didn't say anything else. Even though he continued to be an ass about other things, he never uttered another word about my weight. I only wish he had showed himself to be an ass before I married him, because there would have been no marriage. I almost left his butt at a restaurant once when we were separated. He tried to pick a fight in the restaurant after our meal, because he knew I would not make a scene and he thought he would tell me how things were going to be. The acoustics in the restaurant were such that the tables nearby could hear everything that was being said. He made some comments about something personal, and I could see the man at the next table just about choke and look horrified. I felt sorry for this couple, because they were trying to have a nice meal, and ended up being subjected to that. I made a comment in return to try to shut my ex down. It didn't work. I was glad that I was driving, because I told him I was leaving, and if he didn't want to walk home, he had better beat me to the car. Then I got up and left. He ended up running out of the restaurant to catch me. IMO, this sort of thing is a symptom of a much bigger problem. Any man that won't treat you with respect, is a man you don't need. Ah, thank God, I have a nice husband now. ETA: Was your friend's husband joking, or serious? I hope he was at least joking. |
| Thanks all for your responses. I guess that you can't really express much opinion with a friend's relationship unless you can be a fly on the wall and know a lot, lot, lot of background. But it just doesn't sit well with me, that he makes so free with the insulting language... |
| well if he's making fun of her or whatever for what ever reason, see how it applys to him and be mean about it.....and when he gets huffy puffy tell'em how the hell do you think (insert name) feels? I knows its kinda crude and not a nice way to do things, but when I do it it's usually dropped and that person is a lil angry but they get over it. |
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What about "Mooing"? I did that once to a woman I was dating. But then she had on a cow costume. She was doing some promtional thing for Chik-Falet. I worked the moo sound in how ever I could while I was talking to her during a visit at her store. I thought it was funny. Hell her mom even got into it a bit. beside her mom started it. I tried to get a bull costume to see if I could play along  . That didn't seem to work And I'll tell you what it was my plan all along to sleep on the couch for 2 nights. It was like camping. ETA: It was a variation of the "meow game" that was played on "Super Tropers". |
If a woman is so thin-skinned that a little oinking gets to her, then...well, I'd better not go any farther or I'll piss a bunch of people off. 
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Why should she? If she has a weight issue that is bothering him, he should verbalize it in a more constructive way. His statement is poorly timed, immature and rude. There are plenty of other things to have a sense of humor about rather than the physical appearance of a woman who recently went through childbirth and is nursing her baby. Jeez, no wonder so many of youz men can't get and/or keep women... |
Nah, you wouldn't piss us off, as we realize you could never understand what it's like to be a woman. Obviously cracking jokes and making fun of her runs higher on the list than having respect for her feelings. It's not a joke when it's directed at her, it's called an insult...read up on narcissism. |
to you. Don't hurt me.
Is she sure it was a Fat jab ?? Or is it because shes a slob and doens't clean up after herself . What's her home look like ? |
There. Finished it for you. See? Now you are a classy guy.
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Either way, there are more effective ways to communicate... Riddle me this, why didn't he just take the bowl to the sink, rinse it and place it into the dishwasher without saying a word? |
I wonder why men think that women can have babies and come out of it looking like some anorexic runway model? He is probably just stuck on stupid like a lot of men, where his fantasies will leave him with the reality of the dream woman, alone. Maybe he just uses these comments as a stepping stone to help him over his own insecurities, as with most men who put women down. |
<cough> Minor correction. ...as do most people who put down other people. Male or female makes no difference.
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Well maybe he was like me when I was married . AFTER the 10,000th time picking up after her and the 5000th request to at least TRY and keep the place clean . Eventually you mirror the lack of respect that you get from them 
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I sure thought this was a thread about a man putting a woman down, political correction is important here? After a person puts another person down long enough, the person who was the original target may take aim and have plenty of targets to shoot comments at. Then the original person who started the insulting, complaining and otherwise thoughtless behavior feels he/she has been mis-treated. Which causes them to generalize all of the people all of the time. I don't know if that would ever work here 
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I dated a girl once who would make mooing noises for no reason. She was really nice looking, but a bit messed up in the head. I dumped her, to make a long story short, but only cause she was crazy, lol. |
That's why I keep my mouth shut around women, cause otherwise I WILL and have ended up pissing them all off. |
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No need to keep your mouth shut when it comes to women. Just don't say things that are rude. It's really THAT simple! Maybe think about these things before you speak...(when I say "you" I don't mean anyone in particular) Does what you say have true substance? Is it rude or sarcastic? Are you really just trying to make a "joke" or are you sending some hidden message that even you won't admit to? Is what you say going to make YOU feel better or the other person? Are you the only one who thinks you are funny? |
Sh*t I've known where this dishwasher was since I was born. She's standing in the kitchen washing the rest of the dishes. 
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I not only know where the dishwasher is, I had to install it, and then 6 years later replace it, so there. 
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Karma's a bitch, blake.
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*waits for something heavy to be tossed at Blake* |
Ohhhhh, so THAT explains the roses...now get your ass into the kitchen and make me a sammich 
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Me   Sp1girl,  SigZiggyThe roses where before this statment *As I run and hide* 
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Well, they told me in basic that .50 BMG was for shooting at "equipment."  ETA to add me and my .50 BMG. I could use some target practice.  
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Is there a proper way to talk to your wife about weight gain? I have heard some responses like she knows what her body is doing there is no need to point it out to her, etc. Well, if they know, and continue in a lifestyle that does nothing to reverse the situation or even stop it, what can you do? I am lucky. My wife and I are pretty good about it. She will tell me that I need to hit the weights cause she wants to make the other girls jealous that I am with her. Okay, great suggestion for a guy. I just remind her about her own comments about how she looks. Example: "Sweat pea (yes I call her that), remember you were upset about how you look in your skirt? Don't eat that for a snack, get a piece of fruit." I usually get a oh yea, damnit you are right. Argh! We work to keep each other in check. Now how do you tell woman who is in denial about her looks that hey, that batch of jumbo chili-cheese fries and double meat burger is not a good idea? Or, you come home from work and lay around on the couch untill bedtime? Please don't think I am a jerk for this post. My mama beat me daily so I would respect women and she is from the south where they use objects. |
It's nice that you are able to communicate that gently with your spouse; however, relationships with a history or nagging and belittlement find those in them obsessed with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Both parties in this couple are overweight. Turns out that the husband's snapping has to do with the fact that she didn't get out of the bath on schedule. So, while he was, perhaps, justified in complaining, he hit below the belt AND threw stones in his fat-glass house. |
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I known a couple of overweight women, and they would make derogatory comments about how they were a fat cow, etc. I never did say anything like that. OTOH, they did get offended at any encouragemoent that they had the power to change their bodies into the shape they desired.
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