Posted: 6/7/2005 7:05:41 AM EDT
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Good day Ladies! I'm seeing a woman in her mid 30's, she has an 18 month old boy. She and I have been out several times with and without the boy. I'm 40 NBM & NK, and am running out of ideas for dates that include her child. I enjoy his company and would like to include him in our dates but I am completely inexperienced in what would be appropriate. We've done the go to the park and feed the ducks thing, walks in the local botanical gardens..... Not to preach or be condescending to anyone but we're both Christian and I'm over the sex before marriage thing, so we need good clean fun ideas....... thanks |
Well, first of all, good for you for not being intimidated or put off by a woman with a child. But I do think she should understand that you need to "ease into" dates with the baby. That's alot to get you to accept all at once. you need to get to know her, without the baby around. I understand that she may not have alot of options for sitters, etc, but you really need time alone with her, sans baby (that's french for without..lol) so you can move forward in your relationship, without the influence of the baby. And don't get me wrong, it's important for you to be exposed to the baby, but just not all the time at first. That being said...have you looked into any children's museums? how about the beach? Zoos are great, too. Waterparks have baby areas, also. Now that it's summer, the options are endless. |
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dude leave while you still can. another mans baby is pain in the rear. Also she shouldnt be dating when she has a 18month year old. That is crazy amount of time and effort and should be devoted to him only. rant off Now for my recommendation of places. well 18month cant do a whole lot. So anything that requires you looking mainly. Pretty much same as everyone saying but adding go to park, maybe a picnic. |
| Watch out dating a woman with a young one. Especially when she is including the child in on the dating activities. You run a real risk of becoming more attached to the kid than you are to the woman. I did that, loved the daughter to pieces and thought of her as my own but the mom turned out to be nuts. I still miss the kid 2 years later. |
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While I appreciate the sage wosdom of all those who offered something other that what I specifically asked for........I'm a big boy and can certainly fend for myself, AND am certainly aware of the dangers, risks involved with dating a woman with child. When you're my age (40) there are VERY FEW women without child, so uh, it's the nature of the beast. I love kids so, it's not an issue to me anyway. She was not out looking for men, she WAS fending for herself and her child. My Pastor introduced us because he knew us both and knew we were like minded. We are taking it very slow. I'm also aware of the falling in love with the child and because of that being more accepting of the mother, BTDT, will try my best not to do it again. He is a great kid. There is a fine line between spending to little time with her & the boy and just her. I'm not leaving because she has a kid, in fact I like that she has a kid. It tells me something I needed to know about her charachter that I like. She will not kill someone for convenience. Did I cover everything.........I think so. Now back to the original question........Dating ideas for an unmarried Christian couple with a 18 month old boy, please. |
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Glad to hear you are avoiding the "blanket BS statement" to avoid a woman with children. It at least makes her a less selfish soul, if nothing more. That goes a long way in today's world full of egocentric personas... Oddly enough, an 18 month old can do a lot more than you would expect. I suggest starting a project with him. Something that you enjoy doing...building an airplane, drawing, painting, wood working, etc. Something simple of course, but once you try a couple of things out, maybe you'll find something you both enjoy doing together, without always feeling like you have to be entertaining him by taking him somewhere. The zoo and parks, etc are great outings, but sometimes the most fun is had just hanging out together - even with a young child. There are so many great influences that a man can have on a young child. Things that just can't come from just a woman (although we are almost perfect creatures  ). Most of all they just want your time. It never really matters what my kids and I do together, it's the together part that makes them most happy. Something as simple as reading a book is fun for them. Congrats on meeting someone special! |
I reaaaally hope this isn't a stupid question, but what does that mean? Neutered Bipolar Man Non Komittal  As for suggestions on where to take them...everything that's already been said: zoo, aquarium, park, science place (great one!), movies, chuck e. cheese (hey, they sell beer now)...geez, I don't know. I'm not sure at what level an 18 month old is at. I'll ask around my circle of baby factory friends for some ideas.
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+1 to what SigZiggy said..... (she's so smart and pretty.....) <--heart skips beat thinking about SigZiggy... Anyway, I 'feel your pain'. From November - March I dated a really nice girl who had a 6 YO daughter. I had serious reservations about it. Yeah, I loved the kid. I enjoyed the kid more than mom. But, long story short, the child didn't bother me at all; if anything, I leaned pretty heavily towards prolonging the relationship because of the kid. (FWIW, I don't have, and never had, a picture of me and mom; but I still have several pictures of the daughter and myself on my cameraphone, so, yeah, I'm a Jerry-Maguire sucker....) Anyway, like SigZiggy said, the kid has gave mom a chance to become less self-centered, focus on fending for her own, etcetera, and those are all good things! Congratulations on meeting a nice lady, BTW! As for activities: The nicest date 'mom' and I ever had, we carried her daughter to the park, and the 3 of us played on ALL the swings and stuff. Dates don't have to be fancy. What has been suggested above is all good advice. Parks, Zoos, and whatnot. Yes, you and her need time alone, but I imagine the boy takes frequent naps, etc, so it's not like mom has to CONSTANTLY focus on the kid. Hope everything turns out well....
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Never Been Married, No Kids... (it actually took me a minute to figure that out, which is pretty bad considering that I'm in the same category...) |
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Aw shucks arowneragain, you say the sweetest thangs Here is a list of simple things to do with a toddler. Some of them are pretty dang cute. As you can see, they are pretty much fascinated with everything at this age so you really can't go wrong. I think it's one of the most enjoyable ages myself, and let's you be a kid again for a short periods of time. BTW: I didn't see drink beer @ chuckEcheeser and teach toddler to change targets at range on there, so I emailed the web page owner to add them  The List Also, I just googled "places to take toddlers" (toddler would be the key word to google for the age group you are speaking of) and found lots of ideas as well. You'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself while you watch him learn about the world 
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Just ignore the ignorant ramblings of the internet super heros. Most of these guys have never dated a woman with a child anyway, so at best their advice is something someone else told them. Most likely something someone once heard from a guy that knows another guy whose brother had a friend that dated a women whose friend's 2nd cousin dated a girl with a child.  Those that have actually dated a woman with a kid most likely had a bad experience and decided to project that onto ALL women with kids. The usual around here. Just talking out of their asses. As for the ideas, I can't really offer anymore than has already been given. Don't think I've ever been around a kid that young for any length of time, so I'm afraid I don't really know what they can and can't do. |
Thanks for the link. There is some good advice here already. Keeping it simple is a good point, time and attention is what he want's more than "things". She, is very similar in her needs. You said a mouthful with the above statement. I think it's a joke God plays on us, how much we can learn from kids. Both of them are really special to me and yet I hardly know them. It's strange..... |
Fairs can also be fun. Kids like animals most of them have petting zoo and bunch of things you can waste money on to try win him that stuff animals that he doesnt really need.
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Our area (greater Lost Angeles) has a monthly free newspaper for parents & kids, mostly sent to pediatricin offices and childrens stores. It lists *FREE* events suitable for children, and age appropiate suggestions. Many ads for paid activities, child related services such as 'baby's first haircut", party clowns, children's theatres, etc. Hopefully there is something like that in your area? Ask around for ideas where to go (and where to avoid lol) When my son was little, we went to a lot of outdoor 'festival" events in good weather...Greek festival, Scottish festival, etc. Some of these were hosted by local churces so the atmosphere was nice. Something for all ages. Not too crowded and distracting. We visited the local arboretum...nice safe place to stroll and talk, little one can stretch his legs too. Started a good pattern of talking and walking! With all good wishes, Gwen |
