Posted: 6/3/2005 9:35:20 PM EDT
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My boss is the one who introduced me to shooting and I fell in love with it!!! I love to go shooting and to learn as much as I can. My boss has a collection of guns so I get to try different ones when we go. My husband has gone hunting for years and is ok with my new hobby but cars are his thing so he doesn't like to go as much. This is my problem..............usually when we go shooting we go as a group; family members, friends, coworkers. But I like to go shooting more than once every 2 or 3 months, if I'm going to carry for self defense I want to be comfortable with my guns. Recently my boss and I met at a gun club we both belong to ( with my husbands approval) for some target practice. After that, comments were made that we shouldn't go shooting by ourselves, it's not proper. In the four years I have worked around this person there hasn't ever been an improper word or action, he is a good teacher and it is strictly business. I have tried to find other women to go shooting with but no luck so far. Am I wrong for just wanting to go regardless of what people think? Why is this a problem if my husband is ok with it? In fact, he would prefer that I do not go to the gun club alone, he just doesn't always have the time to take me. Ladies, what do you think? Am I in the wrong? Guys, would you be comfortable with your wives or girlfriends going? Opinions anyone??? |
I am the furthest thing from the jealous type but I wouldn't be comfortable with it . Just for the fact that the probability of something happening between a man and a woman increase dramatically when they spend allot of time together . Even if neither goes into it with that intent . Sorry , but things happen . You hear and read about it all the time and that seed is in the back of everyone’s mind . Like it or not that's just the way it is . |
| Not wrong at all if you have and will carry a weapon yuo should be responsible enough to learn to use it. Also your husband doesn't mind and its professional or just two freinds having fun it is no problem. Also buy your own ammo, if your not already its just right. |
+1...I've made it my personal mission to not give a rat's ass what people think of me (pardon the saying...it was one of my dad's faves). I do local theatre. Sometimes a script calls for me to kiss men (nothing obscene---not open mouthed or anything) or appear onstage scantily clad (again, covered more than I would be in a bathing suit). I've had MANY people comment to me and about me on this. My Hubby knows I am not going anywhere: I may engage in innuendo onstage and online, but he knows he's the only man in my bed. He once had a guy in the audience elbow him and comment that he thought I was a hottie. He grinned from ear to ear and said, "I've always thought so too. She's my wife" And thems my thoughts on that! 
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Here is my guy opionion..... This guy is trying to tell you something in a nice way without making it awkward or inappropriate for you. He obviously, like many men, is capable of finding some attraction to a woman with a gun. I would surmise that he is trying to keep the relationship professional and friendly, buy not allow it to intefere with his job or potential accusations/disasters. What ever the reason, take the hint. Only go with him when someone else is with you. Maybe tail off shooting with him for awhaile until you can assess what is up. From my perspective, I would NEVER take a subordinate to a non-work related activity no matter how much I enjoyed their company, man or woman. I am not their friend. Officers do not party with the enlisted. That is just the way it is. And it works. It is safer that way. |
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1) If you, hubby, and the boss are cool with it, it really is nobody else's business. (Still, PEOPLE WILL TALK.) 2) If you are going to own a gun, it is in YOUR best interest as well as the best interest of those around you, that you learn to be proficient with it. That means PRACTICE. And face it, not only is it more enjoyable to shoot with friends, if you are learning, it is best to be with someone who can teach you and guide you. 3) Being a female, I know how damn difficult it is to find another female to shoot with. I have ONE female shooting buddy who lives 1 1/2 hrs from me (not real convenient) and when I am finally permanently in Texas, I won't have ANY. 4) All that said, one-on-one time like that can lead to other things, even if neither of you wants/expects it. (And folks, don't bash me, I didn't say it HAS to lead to other things, I said IT CAN.) You have not only your marriage at stake here, but also your job. I do firmly believe that men and women are capable of being friends and doing things together without becoming involved romantically or sexually, but I also believe firmly in "Lead us not into temptation." If it were me, I would still shoot with him, but I would really limit the time that it is just the two of you, and I would keep it at the range when it is a twosome. When I go shoot with the guys, I go with THE GUYS. If we go eat or have a beer after, WE ALL GO. That way there is no chance that spouses, observers, or the individuals involved can misinterpret the situation. CnL knows that I won't cheat on him. But I also respect him too much to put myself in a position where people THINK that I am. JMHO... |
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Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable spending so much one-on-one time with someone even if my boyfriend was fine with it for the ONE "what if?" I would never cheat on him...but I also wouldn't feel comfortable putting myself into a situation just incase something lead to it. |
I'm with SP1Grrl. If your husband is ok with it, then go. Just understand that he's probably ok with it because he trusts you. Thus it becomes your responsibility not to do anything that would break that trust or prove him wrong for trusting you. Your husband has placed his trust in you and expects you to act in a certain maner. Its your job to live up to his expectations. The employer/employee thing is a little tough, so you should keep it friendly, but not too friendly. I would only meet at the range - that means not getting a burger or a cup of coffee with your boss after range time is over, or meeting him somewhere else and driving there in the same car. Keep it to the range and just the range. |
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Well, my mom, and HER mom BOTH care, (IMO) FAR too much what others think. I decided at QUITE the early age that I didn't CARE, because MOST (if not all) of the people doing the talking had WAY worse skeletons in their closets... if ya know what I mean. BUT, if it IS your BOSS... THAT could potentially be a problem somewhere down the line. You anywhere near Portland? The reason I ask is that COPP (Central Ohio Pink Pistols) has about a 1/3 "straight" membership and though I've no CLUE what the "makeup" is in the OR chapter, I DO knopw that they shoot once a month... Here's the info - oh, and Teresa, she's a trip! (In a good way). Here's their info: Portland, Oregon This chapter was established April 7, 2002. We meet on the first Sunday of each month at 4 PM. Location: McMenamin's at Mall 205 Place Follow the McMenamin's link for directions and other info. Look for the large table with the plastic pink pistol decoration. This location was chosen because it is within easy driving distance of several local shooting ranges. After the informal meeting, we proceed to one or more local ranges to enjoy our sport. Our chapter President is Julie. Theresa is Director of Outreach and Communications. You may contact them both by sending email to [email protected] Members communicate via an email list. To join, go to: groups.yahoo.com/group/pdxpinkpistols/join, subscriptions must be approved by the list moderator. New members welcome! For more information, please contact: [email protected]. I'm sure you'd be welcome and there would be no "sexual tensions" to be concerned about... of course OTHER "chatter" might crop up   Good luck! |
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I don't think it's wrong, and it wouldn't bother me at all if Mrs GoGop did that. I've gone places with friends who are women, and I've never cheated. This includes going to see Monster Trucks, Ozzy Osbourne, going to a company dinner, and carpooling to/from work every day for a couple of years. (Not all with the same girl). Mrs GoGop used to go out after work with coworkers for coffee/doughnuts/whatever, and it never caused any problems. I'm not into the jealousy/control thing. 
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| Thanks everyone for your input, you have made some great points. I'm not sure what I will do yet, I haven't decided.hinking.gif I have finally found something I really enjoy so I know that clouds my decision making. More opinions are welcome........... |
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McMenamin's at Mall 205 Place is a great place! GlockLady I didn't know you were an Oregon sister! Crud, we could have met this week end most likely! dang. My advice to you is IF you're comfortable with it and your husband is comfortable with it, then it's probably fine. I have the same problem my job involves mostly men. Most of which are very respectable, very gentlemanly [is that a word?] but there are a few that are not. My husband doesn't care [which in itself is another issue] but I do. I worry about it constantly. I haven't gotten a solution yet but I'll let you know when I do. Patty |
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Just because you're husband gives his approval doesn't mean it's a good idea. Every marital misstep is catalyzed by people putting themselves into situations where problems can and do arise, and often they rationalize these situations which makes them unwilling to correct their sails before steering into the rocks. Would you, honest and truly, be ok with your husband taking a female coworker shooting without you if the situation was reversed? How would it make you feel, deep down in your gut? Probably set off alarms, wouldn't it? There's a reason why. It's not a very good idea. |
Didn't really think of it that way. HEY, that's a good point!!!! |
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Ok, let me say that personally, I just don't care that much about what other people think. So for me their opinion wouldn't make much difference. As for the whole male/female friends thing. Despite what Sgtar15 keeps babbling EVERY single time this comes up, it IS possible for men and women to be just friends and happens more than he'll ever admit or open his eyes to. So I don't see a problem there either. The ONLY problem I see in this arrangement is the boss/subordinate issue. It doesn't really matter if it is happening or isn't happening, if ANYONE at your work percieves any sort of "special treatment" they are going to get pissed. If they choose to do so they could probably bring a suit against him and stand a reasonably good chance of winning. I'm not so sure I'd want to be in that situation myself. Don't get me wrong, I like the guys that work for me, but I'm not about to spend time with them outside of work just for that reason. Likewise I won't accept gifts from them for any reason either. Even if they are tickets to a game I'd REALLY like to go to.  Gives the appearance of favoritism and I won't do that. The business world is ALL about perception, so watch your step if you're gonna "hang out" with your boss.
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I'd agree that it's POSSIBLE for men and women to be just friends - but rare. At least if they spend any deal of personal time together in close proximity and they're even remotely close in physical appearance/attractions. The reality of it is that at some point, guaranteed, one of the two will feel attraction for the other. Always, every time. That's the danger. In that time, for whatever reason or circumstance, when one person opens themselves up to the possibility of romance, the other could be in a state where they are receptive. That's how cheating works, 90% of the time. You're in a weak state, for whatever reason....maybe things aren't 100% at home, even tho they were when you became friends with someone, and that's when the attraction becomes known and bang you're entertaining the idea too. I'm not saying this situation here has any of that going on, and the whole thing may be innocent and stay that way, but being social with coworkers of the opposite sex, alone, has always been and will always be a recipe for disaster if given the proper seed and nourishment. It's for these reasons that "being proper" has some historical wisdom to it. I don't allow myself to be alone with females other than my wife socially because I know that if that would EVER happen to me, the easiest way to avoid it is to not put myself in that place to begin with. I've been in the situation, in the workplace, where a friend became interested in me and thank god I had my "armor" on....but if it had been at a weak or bad time in my marriage (and that happens to everyone), then who knows. I was nothing but this girl's friend, but it turned into something else for her....that's my point. Think of how many marriages would still be together right now if people separated themselves from these situations. I can think, honestly, of about 10 that I know....personally. |
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My wife and I both tend to have friends of the opposite sex. There has been no impropriety on either of our parts, but plenty of gossip from other friends. If you trust each other, there shouldn't be an issue. And if the folks talking crap are getting to you, ham it up! Gossip: "I hear you're sleeping with so and so....." You: "I wouldn't call it sleeping....." Your Hubby: "As Long as there's beer left in the fridge...." Gossip:"............................." 
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| I wouldn't put myself in that position, nor would I want my spouse in it, but that's me. And the 40 hours a week together at work vs 2.5 hours alone together once a month comparison doesn't really hold water in my opinion. You're not alone at work and having fun together. You're with other people and working. And it's not really that uncommon anyway for bosses and subordinates to sleep together in the first place in this day and age, NOT that I'm condoning it. I'm simply saying it happens more than most people probably realize. |
Truly depends on the job, as someone who watches several parking lots for a living I'll tell you that a LOT of folks are getting some while at work. If they're going to cheat they'll find a way and the odds are against you ever knowing about it. |
funny how when you ignore the gossip how all the sudden it goes away, but when it bothers someone it becomes a big thing |
I'm just saying in general that work is more impersonal and after work activities are more personal, allowing for a more personal sense of connection and an attraction to develop. People that get it on at work and cheat probably have a relationship outside work with each other too, be it phone calls or the occasional sneaky dinner or whatever. I'm just saying that having a personal relationship outside work probably increases the odds of it happening. But I'm no expert. |
Don't sell yourself short, you're more of an expert that half the people in this thread. Being a good spouse is about not putting yourself into dangerous situations, romantically. People are human, attractions are frail and even the most rock solid marriage has weak moments. Every couple that experiences infidelity had at some point a moment where the person should have, and could have, removed themselves from the situation that placed their marriage in danger, and they didn't. And, worse, they all rationalized it with "hey, we're just friends" or "we trust each other" and they trudged blindly into a bad situation. Why did marriages last so long years ago? A lot of reasons but one that really stands out is that impropriety was frowned upon....with good reason. You keep your nose clean, and you don't put yourself in the company of the opposite sex alone. Duh. |