Posted: 2/18/2003 10:32:25 AM EDT
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Okay, Ladies. I've got a problem. Last semester I went on dates with 8 girls. I'm an attractive guy (22 years old), and have no problem getting first dates. It's getting beyond the second or third date that's a real problem for me. I'm an attractive/cute guy, attending college at the University of Minnesota, seeking a degree in Architecture, am quite smart in many ways (computers, physics, calc/trig, history, politics, etc...). As is, my current dating scheme is: 1. Meet the girl through various media (friends, family, classes, events, etc.) 2. Getting to know them better by going to a bar to talk, socialize, etc. (I don't drink much at all anymore; usually 1 at most, but some girls feel more comfortable with a drink in hand). Afterwards going to either her place or mine to sit & talk for a while longer if we seem to click well or have similar interests. Then I'll give her a ride home in my car, or walk if @ her place. 3. First date is usually something fun, like a trip to the Mall of America for dinner, shopping/windowshopping (things many girls like), and then perhaps the standard dinner & a movie cop-out. 4. Second date is usually showing more of my culturally refined side. Depending on her personality (sophisticated, quirky, strong-willed [aka PUNKY]) we'll go to either an art museum & fancy dinner, the museum of questionable medical devices (REALLY COOL BTW) & a moderate dinner, or go see a play performance or a jazz club somewhere. 5. By this time they're either GONE or totally comfortable with me, and we can enjoy one another's presence, dinner & movie rentals & snuggling, and MAYBE sleep together (NOTE: SLEEP, NOT SEX!). Some pillow discussions are nice as well. Hanging out together, etc... This all happens over a period of about 3 weeks. The problem is usually before I reach #4 or #5, the girl is usually GONE. It usually happens when I even casually or slightly MENTION my hobby of shooting. I'm the president of the Armament Club here at the Univ of MN, and I teach (informally) firearm safety and responsible ownership (usage & storage). I can tell her that I'm really into Firearm ***BOOM! SHE's OUT THE DOOR & 3 BLOCKS AWAY*** Safety... (Too Late... LOST another one to my hobby) Most college girls are very liberal democrats, and like me for who I am, until they figure out that I'm a pro-gun republican! What can I do!? Any advice for me??? What would you suggest I do to make my first few dates with girls more fun, better, etc??? Also, while I'm on the subject, do you think I'm a bit too old-fashioned, or should drop my morals a bit? I usually try hard to NOT make love to a girl for about 6 months, or until I'm CERTAIN that I love her. I've had two long relationships, and know what love is, but I don't want to make love to a girl with whom I'm merely infatuated. If I'm absolutely certain that I love the girl, I'll then make love to her, but I just don't find it acceptable to take the risks associated with the activity. I don't want to some day have to explain to my life partner how I got a strange disease after fooling around with a college girl I knew for only 3 weeks... It just doesn't sound like something I want to deal with. |
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Hey Minnesota, when are you moving to Ohio?!! You must be from Minnesota –you are so wholesome and cute. You are what every woman is looking for! Plus, you are breaking my heart! Do they make you in the 32-42 age range? First of all do not talk politics or firearms until after she is way into you! In regard to politics: I am dating someone right now that does not vote on the same ticket I do…We try not to talk about it! In addition maybe they WANT to have sex sooner. My God, you are in college-have sex (why wait six months or until you are “in-love”?)! Have you ever thought about dating a Music Major? The Architecture guys scored huge points with the conservatory girls at my college. You appear to be very bright, creative, compassionate and respectful. I really do not think you need to change- anything. Plus, I adore your romanticism…F. Scott Fitzgerald does exist in 2003! |
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Quoted: 5. By this time they're either GONE or totally comfortable with me, and we can enjoy one another's presence, dinner & movie rentals & snuggling, and MAYBE sleep together (NOTE: SLEEP, NOT SEX!). Some pillow discussions are nice as well. Hanging out together, etc... Problem #1. A guy gets a girl into bed and they don't do anything. You aren't just confusing and annoying the girl, you are confusing and annoying me. Probably everyone else too. The problem is usually before I reach #4 or #5, the girl is usually GONE. It usually happens when I even casually or slightly MENTION my hobby of shooting. I'm the president of the Armament Club here at the Univ of MN, and I teach (informally) firearm safety and responsible ownership (usage & storage). I can tell her that I'm really into Firearm ***BOOM! SHE's OUT THE DOOR & 3 BLOCKS AWAY*** Safety... (Too Late... LOST another one to my hobby) Ohh, a guy with weird sexual hangups and an obsession with guns! You know, those things the media demonizes hooked together with a guy that TV dramas paints as a possible J.W Gacy. I can't understand why they aren't beating your doors down.[rolleyes] Most college girls are very liberal democrats, and like me for who I am, until they figure out that I'm a pro-gun republican! What can I do!? Any advice for me??? What would you suggest I do to make my first few dates with girls more fun, better, etc??? You are doing OK hooking them, now you need to net them. Don't talk about the guns, and get some. Nice girls like a little flippy floppy too. Also, while I'm on the subject, do you think I'm a bit too old-fashioned, or should drop my morals a bit? I usually try hard to NOT make love to a girl for about 6 months, or until I'm CERTAIN that I love her. You fool! Never tell a girl you love her! AAHHHHH! Didn't your Dad teach you anything? And dude! Six months before sex? No wonder they hit the road. |
| Hey man I'm with you. I'm 20, go to Southern Methodist University seeking dual degrees in Economics and Management Science. You are not alone my friend. I think I'll pay attention to this thread. My morals are alot like yours and I think I'm gonna have to work on lowering them [;)]. |
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Hehe...Hey Matt! For starters, you go to an obnoxiously left-wing school. This does not help your situation. I would say IXNAY ON THE UNSGAY! Those U of M chicks dont usually dig guns, but they love sex. You must choose one or the other depending upon your goals. Talk about guns, or talk about sex. PICK ONE and stick to it. Everyone else, I know Inuhbad personally. He is a great guy and not a threat to women. He used the word "cute" to describe himself, which is the only thing I have ever seen him do that freaks me out...LOL U of M girls... Like to drink Like to party Like to have sex Dont like guns |
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Quoted: Hehe...Hey Matt! [Thinking To Myself]Oh SH!T... One of my friends saw this... This weekend at the funshow I'll likely hear about it!!![/Thinking To Myself] For starters, you go to an obnoxiously left-wing school. This does not help your situation. I would say IXNAY ON THE UNSGAY! Those U of M chicks dont usually dig guns, but they love sex. You must choose one or the other depending upon your goals. Talk about guns, or talk about sex. PICK ONE and stick to it. I guess I can try talking about sex with some girls after a while... Casually that is... Some girls like talking about sex. I just thought those two girls from last semester were strange for openly discussing their sexual desires. The last time I talked about sex with a girl was... last semester when she told me of some of her more risque practices (she LIKES girls, and "E-Tabs"). So that was one I ditched, as I don't want anything to do with Extasy (drugs & guns don't mix). Everyone else, I know Inuhbad personally. He is a great guy and not a threat to women. He used the word "cute" to describe himself, which is the only thing I have ever seen him do that freaks me out...LOL HA HA HA!!! [ROFL2] The girl next to me in this Univ Comp Lab is looking at me like I'm a crazed nut wondering why I'm laughing so hard! U of M girls... Like to drink Like to party Like to have sex Dont like guns This is a pattern I'm discovering to be true! Ugh! [b]What [i]OTHER[/i] suggestions could you people give me other than "Ditch Your Integrity, It Has No Place In Modern Society..."[/b] Thanks so far though... -Mat |
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Being a college chick myself looking for a few good men, let me tell you something about chicks... Women like a man with morals, but a question for you is, how rigid are you, and how judgemental are you? I had a pretty wild teen experience, but have grown and matured as I got older. I didn't make casual sex a regular thing, but it did happen every once in a while, although no drugs were involved. I have met men who have judged me on actions I took over four years ago, and the fact that since I once acted in that manner, I don't judge people who do now, the whole let he (or she, in my case) who has not sinned throw the first stone attitude. I will drop those men in a heartbeat, and they are missing out on the wonderful woman that I have become just because they couldn't get over what I did a lifetime ago. I also won't stay with a man who is rigidly judgmental about things I also happen to agree with, like sexual activity, drugs, and other things. God didn't mean for us to just be kind and compassionate to the people that "do right", that's easy. I like a man who can both keep his convictions and still not judge those who "do wrong". The second thing to keep in mind is that guns are a VERY sensitive topic, especially since it is in the media ALOT. I have actually lost possible girl friends just because I mentioned my enthusiasm for guns, so I can imagine that it would be a lot easier to lose a possible girlfriend. Wait to broach the subject until she really gets to know you, when she might be willing to let the person you are shine through and possibley shatter her image of what gun enthusiasts are. However, if you are adamant that you won't date any woman who isn't against guns, then it is a subject you should bring up right away, but be prepared to spend many a night alone. Trust me, I live and attend school in Cali, and have had to take this approach with men, most of whom I meet would be happy to see all guns be banned. [:)] If you haven't done any of these, then good luck. I' sure that a good-looking, principled man won't have any problems finding a good woman, just be patient sweetie..and P.S., if you make your way out to San Diego, give me a hollar, ok? If you think it's tough finding someone who shares your values there, try things out here!! Good luck sweetie! Tiffany |
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Wow! Thanks for the great advice thus far everyone! To set the record straight, I'm definitely not judgemental. I only judge those who actively create a negative situation in my life. I don't judge girls for their past, merely their present if it negatively affects me. For example. From your post, you state that you had a wild past, but that wouldn't phaze me. What would cause issues if you said you'd date me if we were to have Extasy initiated 4-somes whenever she felt like it. Sorry, but I'm not the kind of guy who likes to share (like that anyway). Thus I didn't date the girl who I mentioned in my post. She didn't want to date ME, but me & 2 other people (which I thought might affect me negatively), so I turned down the offer. I have friends that do drugs, and have dated girls that used to do them, but I couldn't bring myself to date a girl who is currently using them. I do believe people should be able to do what they want, and I believe we should legalize all drugs, regulate them, and stop the illegal market as a result. Thanks for the good advice Tiffany, and good luck on your search in ultraliberal land! You likely need it more than I do (in liberal land that is, not saying there's something wrong with you, just the californian guys). I'll post/IM you if I'm headed out to Cali sometime though! You sound like a great girl! I think I'm pretty laid back in most respects, especially in comparison to other people in the Twin Cities. What other advice can people give me? I'm sure other guys here would like some dating advice as well... This stuff is good so far! Thank you all! |
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Naybur, Don't lower your standards no matter what these good hearted neanderthals say...we womenz like menz who stand for truth, justice, and the American way! On a serious note, I think that your location is a major part of your problem. My sister and her husband used to live in Minn. and escaped to the free country of North Dakota for fear that their daughters would turn out like these women you are talking about. I disagree with the not talking about guns. If you are seriously looking for someone to spend your life with or looking for a long term thing, being open and honest is what is going to get you there. Now, I am not saying that you should carry your AR to class or anything like that, but don't hide it because when she does find out, it will just cause more problems. Are there any women you are interested in that are in your club or that you may have taught? This may sound super dumb, but do your shooting buddies have sisters or significant others that are open to guns? If so, ask them for setups and such. There have got to be women in that state that are at least open to guns if not down right excited by them. It certainly sounds like you have your head on straight, so you are headed in the right direction. Hang in there!! Marian(Yes,LibrariansLikeGuns,JustNotInTheReferenceSection)Librarian |
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Yeah, I wouldn't date people who do drugs. I don't have a problem with people who do as long as their habit doesn't effect me...ie..I don't want it in my car, in my house, or in a car I am riding in, but I wouldn't suggest dating anyone who did them. I suppose that occasional users are okay, but as I don't want to be exposed to that atmosphere, I just don't touch 'em! I shared this post with some of my girlfriends, and they all say for you to hang in there, and gave me some stuff to pass onto you..so here goes... Alot of girls use sexual inuendo to start a conversation with guys because they are nervous and shy and don't know how else to first get a guy's opinion. First time sexual based conversation doesn't necessarily mean someone with looser ideas, they just don't know how else to start a conversation. Try more group-based dates to keep things going slowly, that way a true friendship is developed without the pressure of a dating situation. Talk about her, and listen to what she has to say, perhaps remember the little things she tells you. Listen to what she tells you about her recent dating experiences, a lot of times she will tell you what she is like, and listen if she complains about what other recent dates have complained about her, it is probably true. Women will tell you all about themselves in the first few times, so listen. Anyway, like I said, good luck, and remember, dating is supposed to be fun, so have fun! |
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You sound like a great guy. Do NOT compromise your morals or what you want in a woman. You may regret it later. Is there ROTC at your school? Female cadets or women who are already officers in the Reserves or National Guard may be a little more receptive to firearms. I know you may be thinking that military women are all dogs or lesbians, but that isn't true. In fact, the women, way back when I was in ROTC in KY, were cute. Only 1 or 2 were borderline plain even. If there is a Young Republicans club on campus, perhaps a young woman there may be less stupid about firearms. I did not have a bias against guns when I was young, and first fired a weapon in basic training. I started dating a guy who was into shooting. He got me hooked on it. So maybe you can get a young woman hooked on shooting too. I think it is possible that some of them are bolting because you are NOT a slut, instead of the shooting hobby. I think a first date at the gun range would be a great first date. You don't sound like a guy who is just trying to get laid. So feel proud of yourself, keep your morals and your hobby. You should feel proud. A woman worth keeping will be one will be open to you shooting, even if she doesn't like it personally. |
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Wow! More great advice!!! DJS, I'm sorry you missed out on that girl! I'm hoping to find one sometime. Until I do, I'll have to remain patient. I won a vacation for two (three days, two nights) to an extremely expensive private resort on the north shore of Lake Superior (all expenses paid). I hope that I can find a nice yound lady to join me on the trip. Some girl who will appreciate the trip. Marian, I do know a few girls that are members of the group, but they're all dating other members in the group. They were convinced into shooting because I convinced their boyfriends. There are two single girls that I know want to try shooting, and I will be taking them sometime in the near future. One of them I know well, and we have gone on one date (She was one of many who cut it off after hearing of my hobby). Then after discussing things with her & her friends (we have two mutual friends) we managed to convince her to go shooting with us. We'll see how that goes. Then the other girl is just an acquaintance who I met through my Armament Club's website (she expressed a little uneasiness, but interest in shooting). Tjmz, Thanks for the information, and the consultation of your friends as well! You ladies are great at giving good sound advice. I now learned many different decisions I can make regarding this issue. This topic has been of great assistance to me, and I thank you all for helping me out... [b]THANK YOU!!![/b] I also hope that those of you single people will someday find your true loves. -Mathew |
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Just be yourself and do what you like to do. There'll pretty much be three catagories of gals you meet. Girls that right away you know you'll pass on, girls that you'd like to have one nighters with, and the girls that you are really interested in getting to know. For gals you meet outside of your Armament club, hold off on the gun talk until you get to know them a little better. If you get talking about hobbies or interests, let her go first. You shouldn't hide your interest in firearms, but you can put it another way such as "I help to teach firearms safety." If they are in the club or drop by, let them see you be patient, instructive, and helpful to your "pupils". Marion, 9x19, and tjmz all had some good advice. There are some cute ROTC girls out there. I don't want to generalize, but they most often very down to earth and low maintenance. Also any day now there could be a great gal that comes walking into your club. Here's one last thing that may or may not work for you, and it depends on the situation. But when you meet a gal for the first time, keep the conversation just long enough to make a good impression or make her laugh (not laugh at you). Next time you see her maybe you'll sit and talk, or get a drink. And take it from there. Be yourself and do what you like to do. |