Posted: 2/11/2011 2:47:28 PM EDT
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A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh.
I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? |
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Should have pulled the plug on the g/f if you weren't happy with her.
Sexting/Cyber sex is something I'd categorize as a form of infidelity. Its psychological/emotional infidelity. Would you be happy if your chick started hanging out with some dude (not having sex) all the time going to movies, dinner, concerts etc because you were too busy with work to do so?...my guess is probably not. |
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Quoted: The phrasing in the last two sentences confuses me a bit. A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? You are saying that you guys did not break up, but she is still unhappy with you for the emotional affair and you are mad at her for not screwing you enough now? Is that right? If that is the case I would say that you should be happy she didn't dump you at the time, as I sure would have. I doubt that you two are staying together for the right reasons so my opinion is to break up with her. But, if you really want to try I then suggest counseling. Sex is not the problem - the two of you are the problem. |
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The phrasing in the last two sentences confuses me a bit.
A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? You are saying that you guys did not break up, but she is still unhappy with you for the emotional affair and you are mad at her for not screwing you enough now? Is that right? If that is the case I would say that you should be happy she didn't dump you at the time, as I sure would have. I doubt that you two are staying together for the right reasons so my opinion is to break up with her. But, if you really want to try I then suggest counseling. Sex is not the problem - the two of you are the problem. Id listen to this one 
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Quoted:
Quoted:
The phrasing in the last two sentences confuses me a bit.
A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? You are saying that you guys did not break up, but she is still unhappy with you for the emotional affair and you are mad at her for not screwing you enough now? Is that right? If that is the case I would say that you should be happy she didn't dump you at the time, as I sure would have. I doubt that you two are staying together for the right reasons so my opinion is to break up with her. But, if you really want to try I then suggest counseling. Sex is not the problem - the two of you are the problem. Yeah, that. Sexting is a form of infidelity, and I would consider it no less of a betrayal than an actual affair. She may have some lingering trust issues and hurt feelings that need to be resolved before she can resume a more intimate relationship. |
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Quoted:
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The phrasing in the last two sentences confuses me a bit.
A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? You are saying that you guys did not break up, but she is still unhappy with you for the emotional affair and you are mad at her for not screwing you enough now? Is that right? If that is the case I would say that you should be happy she didn't dump you at the time, as I sure would have. I doubt that you two are staying together for the right reasons so my opinion is to break up with her. But, if you really want to try I then suggest counseling. Sex is not the problem - the two of you are the problem. This. To me, seems the same as cheating. You lasted a month and a half before running back to an ex? 
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Quoted:
The phrasing in the last two sentences confuses me a bit.
A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? You are saying that you guys did not break up, but she is still unhappy with you for the emotional affair and you are mad at her for not screwing you enough now? Is that right? If that is the case I would say that you should be happy she didn't dump you at the time, as I sure would have. I doubt that you two are staying together for the right reasons so my opinion is to break up with her. But, if you really want to try I then suggest counseling. Sex is not the problem - the two of you are the problem. For what?! For watching porn?  So what if he knows this other chick. His is unwilling to put out. She should be happy that he isn't banging her look-alike sister,if you ask me. If my babe wouldn't put out,I'd give her a week before she goes flyin' out the door.
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For what?! For watching porn? So what if he knows this other chick. His is unwilling to put out. She should be happy that he isn't banging her look-alike sister,if you ask me. If my babe wouldn't put out,I'd give her a week before she goes flyin' out the door.Well don't ever get married, then. If you do, you should probably do some growing up first. Wow.
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We both certainly have our trust issues. All other aspects of our relationship are doing great besides the sex. It was just the shock of getting laid all the time to not even getting a hand job almost overnight that made me go to an alternative source, though not in the flesh.
Either way... Its winter and -30 below out.. no major life altering course change sha'll be made until spring. |
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She was stressed and you didn't want to understand because you're a dick. You should have either gotten out or waited it out, but good lord you're an idiot for thinking it's ok to pick up something like that with your ex and expecting her to either not find out or be ok with it.... |
| Like others have said, I, too, consider sexting as a form of infidelity. If you don't consider it as such, turn the tables around and think about how you'd feel if you found out she was sexting some guy who wasn't you. It's not a good feeling to find out your SO is receiving/sending. Just ask me how I know. I'm sorry you're not getting any sex, but if you can't manage to talk to her about things or even respect her enough to not do that to her, then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship. All I can say is that if she can get over it, great. If not, you're gonna have lingering trust issues if you guys stay together. Bottom line is.. stop sexting and talk to her about these issues. |
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Quoted: Like others have said, I, too, consider sexting as a form of infidelity. If you don't consider it as such, turn the tables around and think about how you'd feel if you found out she was sexting some guy who wasn't you. It's not a good feeling to find out your SO is receiving/sending. Just ask me how I know. I'm sorry you're not getting any sex, but if you can't manage to talk to her about things or even respect her enough to not do that to her, then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship. All I can say is that if she can get over it, great. If not, you're gonna have lingering trust issues if you guys stay together. Bottom line is.. stop sexting and talk to her about these issues. If the two of you can't openly communicate, it's time to call it quits. |
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Sure, I'm a dick for being with her after 7 months of this... No no, no one's saying you're a dick for being with her still after 7 months of no sex. We're saying you're a dick because you decided to start sexting your ex girlfriend, and are now upset that your current girlfriend has a problem with it. |
| Not saying what you did was right OP but, women dont see things the way men do. I got a suggestive e-mail from an ex-girlfriend (no idea how she got the addy) that I had not seen or heard from in 15 years. wife read it because we shared the e-mail account, she spent the next three months accusing me of cheating on her and it ate at her for years untill she finally asked me to move out a month ago. women are sensative to any kind of infidelity. real or imagined. and they will always imagine the worst no matter how impossible it is to have actually happened. best to bail and not go through the headaches. |
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Dude, you got a hand and you got porn if you can't go without for a little while. Then in that off-lay period try to help her out and get to know her. I ain't saying it's fair nor should she be frigid but when your mind isn't in it, you just can't. If you aren't willing to understand that and try to help her work through it you should just call it quits and go get your instant satisfaction elsewhere.
To me the mind cannot be replaced by sex. I'd value hers over some pussy for a little while but that's just me. |
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OP, what is so hard about just sitting down and talking to her about this? Do you know why she stopped having sex with you? People don't do things like that for no reason.
Also, put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if, knowing that your relationship is already a bit shaky, you caught her sexting with an old boyfriend? My guess is you'd be pissed. |
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For what?! For watching porn? So what if he knows this other chick. His is unwilling to put out. She should be happy that he isn't banging her look-alike sister,if you ask me. If my babe wouldn't put out,I'd give her a week before she goes flyin' out the door.Well don't ever get married, then. If you do, you should probably do some growing up first. Wow.
uh, yeah this. / for the part in red.
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Quoted: For what?! For watching porn? So what if he knows this other chick. His is unwilling to put out. She should be happy that he isn't banging her look-alike sister,if you ask me. If my babe wouldn't put out,I'd give her a week before she goes flyin' out the door. |
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A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceeded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have received it in the past from her? OH....MY...GOD. How did I miss this thread till now? OP, words fail me, so here are some pictures for you since you're the visual type:    
1. You fail so bad. First, you spill about personal shit to an ex. So you basically share stuff that should be between you and your girlfriend to someone who clearly isn't trustworthy. No woman worth having is going to touch you with a ten foot pole while you're involved with someone else. So we now know your ex is a ho. Can you say, "backstabbing?" The way your girlfriend now sees it, you value communicating with a ho more than you do her. Serious lack of trust there. 2. "My girlfriend then found out...." Well gosh, Spanky, whoda thunk she'd get upset?! I mean, you did tell her you were sexting your ex, right? What's that? You didn't? Why did you keep it a secret if you knew it would never be anything but a fantasy? 3. "I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh." Yeah, it would only be a fantasy. Your wording it as an alternative....says you viewed it as an alternative. In other words, if only 3,000 miles weren't an obstacle, it very well might have been an alternative. You know what your post conveys? Immature guy feels entitled to his own gratification and doesn't expect to have to work for it. How old are you? Do you know what a conversation is? That's where two people sit down and discuss issues that affect them in order to get what they want. You should try it sometime- with the one you're supposed to, not some skank that would run around with an attached guy. Keep posting. You're funny. |
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Delete texts regularly. Been married almost 7 years, together for 8, second son coming next week. My wife could pick up my phone and read every text I have sent/received (or at least as much as my phone stores) because I have absolutely ZERO to hide. My wife would also never bother to pick up my phone to check them - largely because all of my text convos would bore the snot out of her and if they involve a woman, my wife would know about them. I have nothing to hide, she has no reason to go looking. -shooter |
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Quoted: Sure, I'm a dick for being with her after 7 months of this... Don't ask for opinions if you're not willing to hear the answer. First of all: You DID cheat on her. It doesn't matter if it was physical or not. The fact that she didn't dump you is surprising. Cheating is about a betrayal of TRUST - it doesn't have to be physical. All I hear about is "me, Me, ME!!!" in your complaints. I'm not getting laid, I'm not getting a handjob, it's cold out, wah wah wah. Honestly, I don't know who - if anyone - is to blame, but what I do know is that you're acting like a childish immature jerk. Did you ever sit down and have a conversation about this? Did you find out what her feelings are in all this? At this point, your chances of having a good relationship are pretty slim - not just with this girl, but with just about anyone else. You need to examine what your role is in a relationship; hint: it's not always "me". |
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So let me see if I understand this.
1. She was stressed and didn't want to have sex quite as much. 2. It takes you a whole six weeks to start cheating on her. 3. Instead of being grateful she didn't dump your cheating ass, you whine because she hasn't gotten over it fast enough for your satisfaction. Meanwhile you've made sure she's NOT going to get over it any time soon by making zero effort to admit what a huge mistake you made, and somehow make it up to her. You're blaming her for your own crappy behavior. Please try to grow up, and fast, or she will very rightfully dump you for someone who is worth the effort. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Sure, I'm a dick for being with her after 7 months of this... Don't ask for opinions if you're not willing to hear the answer. First of all: You DID cheat on her. It doesn't matter if it was physical or not. The fact that she didn't dump you is surprising. Cheating is about a betrayal of TRUST - it doesn't have to be physical. All I hear about is "me, Me, ME!!!" in your complaints. I'm not getting laid, I'm not getting a handjob, it's cold out, wah wah wah. Honestly, I don't know who - if anyone - is to blame, but what I do know is that you're acting like a childish immature jerk. Did you ever sit down and have a conversation about this? Did you find out what her feelings are in all this? At this point, your chances of having a good relationship are pretty slim - not just with this girl, but with just about anyone else. You need to examine what your role is in a relationship; hint: it's not always "me". I liked Db8's rant better. But yours is still pretty solid. |
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Quoted: Quoted: I liked Db8's rant better. But yours is still pretty solid. I just re-read it, and dang - Db8's was good; it contained the cynicism mine lacked.  I could hear the venom from her fangs dripping. I have to say it was the most perfect rant I have read yet. |
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A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "Sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have recieved it in the past from her? Eject, that's what she should do to you. I consider it cheating. |
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Quoted: Quoted: A while back, my girlfriend of 2 years quit her job and was working as a bartender until she found another. During this time, our sex life went to shit because she was stressed out about finding another job. After a month and a half of this, I started getting extremely annoyed and vented to an ex back where I grew up, 3000 miles away. Withing the next month or so, we then began "sexting" each other. Both of us knew it is was only fantasy and it would not happen in the flesh, so considered it harmless. My girlfriend then found out and proceeded to act as if she had walked in on a blonde blowing me or the like. I never thought she could get so pissed over something, I thought , was better than the other alternative.. Cheating in the flesh. I do love her, but.... when it goes from 3-4 times a week, to nothing.. I'm obviously not going to take it well. It is now 7 months later and there have been a few shot time periods of great sex every so often but nothing consistant. Am I just that big of an asshole to expect more, as I have received it in the past from her? OH....MY...GOD. How did I miss this thread till now? OP, words fail me, so here are some pictures for you since you're the visual type: <incredibly awesome slam> Keep posting. You're funny pathetic. Fixed it for you... |
I see the whole "Pussy is an entitlement" thing doesn't play quite as well here as in GD.  I'll say the same thing here that I do there: sexual incompatibility does not justify infidelity. If you are unhappy in a relationship, end it and move on.
Specifically for the OP: If you had a problem with your GF, you should have been talking to her (and possibly whacking it on the side), not sexting with someone else. Jane |