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Posted: 2/12/2002 5:37:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/12/2002 7:02:06 PM EDT by Aggie1]
[b]This is a joke[/b] I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts. And I never have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up and she eventually said, "I don't feel like it, honey. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?" So she said the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explained that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night. I go to sleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. Then she tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each, to which I said OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself. I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. Then I said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring thaw of 2005.
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 5:45:24 PM EDT
(getting on my knees as I bow down to you) YOU! You are my new Hero! You have no idea how great you are. I've been trying to think of a good come back to no sex, and you've been most helpful. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 5:49:19 PM EDT
If your story is true, you are totally awesome.
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 5:58:57 PM EDT
Oohhh, WOW!! We're in the presence of greatness, here, boys... I bet you clank when you walk, Aggie. Bravo Zulu!
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 5:59:20 PM EDT
My hat is off to you Sir!
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 6:02:42 PM EDT
Aggie you shyster. All I have to say is two words..."Comic View" on B.E.T. it's the tenth anniversary some come on laugh wit me... Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 6:13:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/12/2002 7:07:05 PM EDT by WILSON]
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 6:15:54 PM EDT
I don't know whether to admire you or pity you. Guess I'll have to wait until spring, 2005 to decide. [;)]
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 6:33:49 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 6:49:00 PM EDT
That's the craziest . . . bravest thing I have heard someone do. You must have balls of steel. Here's a quick fix . . . that MIGHT work . . . buy her a present. (hats off)
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 7:00:48 PM EDT
May I suggest www.realdoll.com?
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 7:01:22 PM EDT
You may all rise. Mainly because I would never have the balls to try that. Just a joke that I thought everyone might enjoy. Sorry if it was misleading.
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 7:07:48 PM EDT
It is a good thing this is a joke, otherwise you will be wishing you were John Bobbit. Just a reminder to you married guys, Valentines day is Thursday. If they say they don't want anything special, its a lie.
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 9:05:02 PM EDT
You Da-man !!!!!!
Link Posted: 2/12/2002 10:12:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/13/2002 4:39:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Aggie1: You may all rise. Mainly because I would never have the balls to try that. Just a joke that I thought everyone might enjoy. Sorry if it was misleading.
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Dam...what a disappointment..I was on my feet giving you a standing ovation..crowds (chanting AG-GIE..AG-GIE)were forming outside my window when they heard the word....now..riots in the street...but it was still funny as shit [beer]
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