Posted: 7/22/2009 6:51:20 PM EDT
I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead. 
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? |
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Quoted:
I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead.
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? Failed contraceptives. |
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First marriage in '73, we were both 20.
Having kids is what you did. I love my two kids... I really do. They both turned out great for different reasons, but they are doing great in their lives. Having said that... I would have been perfectly happy not having kids. And after a divorce, marriage, divorce, marriage with stepchild, I will say this... STEPKIDS ARE EVIL. Nuke them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure. Okay, okay... I love the stepkid. I don't LIKE her at all, but I love her. And she's why I FUCKIN' hate kids now. If you ain't at least 28... Fuck off and DIE! And it you're 29.... you MAY be eligible for the "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" award.      
ETA: I really hate kids. |
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I had kids because I never really considered not having them.
They are turning out great––so far. I'm in a business that takes me away from home a lot so there are many broken homes/F'ed up kids. I started asking people whose fathers were in the business how their childhoods were and if they turned out ok, why do they think they did. The best answer I got was that their father ALWAYS made an effort to get home when he could. Even if he rolled in at Midnight on Christmas Eve, he made it home. So, I've always done the same. I've busted my butt to be at home as much as I possibly could and to spend as much time with my kids as I can (without neglecting the wife). On the other hand, I worked with a guy who had an 8 year old son. When he got home his wife "is always bugging me to play with the kid. My time off is my time off. My hobby is building ships in bottles and, by God, that's what I'm going to do! F@#k him." WOW. I was blown away when I heard that. I cannot even conceive of having that attitude. If you are that selfish, don't have kids. If you have kids, you give up your right to be selfish. At least that's how I live. But, so far, it's working. I have sacrificed a lot of what I want to do but I've got plenty of time to play golf and travel once the younger one moves out. One thing you can't do it get time back that you didn't spend with your kids. Once lost, it's gone forever. It's not a requirement that you have kids but once you have them, it IS a requirement that you take care of them. They NEED you. Not your money or your house or a gameboy or TV. They need YOU. Which reminds me, I've spent too much time on this computer tonight. Good luck. TC |
| Got married had kids. That is what you did back then. I have 2 step sons, 1 step daughter, and one son. I consider them all my children as I have been a part of their lives from a very young age. They are all grown and out of the house now. Being a grandfather is the best part of it all. Yes I would do it again and it was worth it. |
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I agree about the part about being dedicated to the kids, honestly it was always one of those things that if I wasn't going to do it right I wasn't going to do it. I still wish someone would explain why its worth it.  It's like telling someone how it feels to shot your AR15 / AK47. Until you do it, you'll never really know.
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I had children because I had put it off long enough, once you reach a certain age it becomes something you can either do or not do. I didn't want to regret it in my later years. Being a parent so far is great. I am never lonely and never bored. Watching them grow up and teaching them things is quite a life experience....and they teach you a few things along the way too. I kind of wish I had done it sooner. Oh yea, if you do decide to, make sure it's with the right girl (or guy). Children deserve to be raised by both their parents. I'll tell you it's a LOT of work too and it's much easier with both you around. |
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It depends on you,I don't like them because I just don't want to share my future wife with anyone so a kid would be an obstruction to me and would cause more trouble then joy.
I also now realize I didn't really have a childhood and while I got some "love" I didn't get enough to learn how to give it with a child of my own-I really cannot feel anything towards a kid,they mean absolute squat to me and all I know is to not hurt them and just feed them and make sure they're safe. But if they were to become an obstruction to me in any way then it'd be something to remove from my path by any means needed~so me+kids=bad idea 
It's up to you,but make sure,DAMN sure you want them. |
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Quoted: I still wish someone would explain why its worth it. It's kind of hard to explain. There is a lot to having a kid/kids. If you can enjoy having kids, and doing things with them, it's worth it. If you're a selfish person, then it probably isn't. (not saying you are). For me, the memories of the kids first walking, going shooting, learning knew things, growing into (hopefully) responsible young adults, etc... |
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I agree about the part about being dedicated to the kids, honestly it was always one of those things that if I wasn't going to do it right I wasn't going to do it. I still wish someone would explain why its worth it. It's like telling someone how it feels to shot your AR15 / AK47. Until you do it, you'll never really know. What does one do if they try it and find they hate it? eject? eat a gun? kill the little bastard? this isn't something you "just try" to see if you like it,once you have them you're pretty much stuck,or a deadman since that's the only way out. |
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I agree about the part about being dedicated to the kids, honestly it was always one of those things that if I wasn't going to do it right I wasn't going to do it. I still wish someone would explain why its worth it. It's like telling someone how it feels to shot your AR15 / AK47. Until you do it, you'll never really know. One problem... if you don't like the AR15, you can always sell it!!!! 
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First marriage in '73, we were both 20. Having kids is what you did. I love my two kids... I really do. They both turned out great for different reasons, but they are doing great in their lives. Having said that... I would have been perfectly happy not having kids. And after a divorce, marriage, divorce, marriage with stepchild, I will say this... STEPKIDS ARE EVIL. Nuke them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure. Okay, okay... I love the stepkid. I don't LIKE her at all, but I love her. And she's why I FUCKIN' hate kids now. If you ain't at least 28... Fuck off and DIE! And it you're 29.... you MAY be eligible for the "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" award.
ETA: I really hate kids. 
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I'm in my mid 30's and have a meager income. I used to do pretty well, but the recession shit on domestic oil and gas exploration, and my job along with it. My wife wants a kid really really bad. I'm undecided / leaning towards waiting a little longer in hopes of better economy. There are certain goals I had set for my life that were crushed when the economy tanked, and the few remaining one that are within reach would also have to be sacrificed in order to raise a kid. The things that most concern me is that we cannot survive on one income, so who's going to watch the baby? Another concern is popular culture toady. I don't want my kid to grow up and become a thug or a fag or a granola crunching tree hugger or join a gang or become a vegan or any other sort of liberal. It would probably cause a divorce because I'd disown them and the wife wouldn't stand for that. There are people on this board who have multiple kids who say it''s your responsibility to reproduce and raise the next generation of conservatives. They will tell you that it's selfish not to. My guess is they just don't want to be the only ones that had to give up dreams of owning a cabin in the woods with a private shooting range, or that boat they've had their eyes on, or the RV they had once planned to tour the nation in after retirement. I enjoy having the freedom to do things on my days off without having to find someone to watch the kid(s). I enjoy not having to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive them to school. I enjoy not being thrown up on, pissed on and shit on. I enjoy not catching every stinking cold and flu they bring home from school. I enjoy being able to leave household chemicals under the sink without having to lock it. I enjoy not having to worry about another life in addition to my wife's and my own. I enjoy not having my anemic budget for entertainment eliminated to fund diapers and formula. I enjoy not having to buy clothes every few months as they grow. I enjoy not having to invest so much time, money effort and emotion into someone that might turn out to be someone I wouldn't want to associate with by choice. I enjoy not having to assume liability for another person's actions for 18 years. On the other hand, it would be nice to have some help mowing the lawn. It would be nice to pass on my genes and my family name. It would be nice to have someone to impart my life's knowledge to. Thing is, my wife doesn't think about all the repercussions. She just thinks "Oh! Cute babies!" and imagines all the fun times, giggles and smiles, etc. She doesn't forsee the sneaking out at night as a teenager, the experimenting with drugs (not to mention the liability of them bringing drugs under our roof). Parents will say "it's up to you to teach them not to do these things". True, but ultimately, they have their own mind and their own will, and you can only suggest. You can't shadow them every moment of their lives. So, i guess I'm in the same boat. If I knew they'd turn out to be good kids and stay out of trouble and be relatively easy to care for, I'd be all for it. But there are no guaranties in life. To be honest, he responsibility scares the shit out of me more than anything else ever has. |
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Fortunately no step kids in my case, except a Kimber Tact Pro and a Sig. Being a 1911 guy the step Kimber and I get along just fine but the step Sig is a little hard to get along with a times.
I guess in the end its a messed up time to bring kids in the world, but bringing a couple of right-wing extremists into the world might not be too bad. |
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So basically, what prompted you to have kids? I felt it was the natural progression of things. Are they really worth it? I firmly believe that many people can have a complete, successful and fulfilling life without kids, but I'm not one of them. Would you do it again? Yes, but it's a ton of work and you have less time for yourself/wife. I mean, it really is a lot of work. 
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What does one do if they try it and find they hate it? eject? eat a gun? kill the little bastard? this isn't something you "just try" to see if you like it,once you have them you're pretty much stuck,or a deadman since that's the only way out. how about a "trial run," so to speak? do you like kids in general? can you hold a baby without cringing away from him/her? do you want to spend your time/money on someone other than yourself and the wife? do you want to look at a tiny being with qualities of you and your wife blended all in one? do you want to guide another person as they go through each day of his/her life, making choices, doing homework, having fights with friends, having heartbreak, experiencing the joy of roller coasters and fireworks? |
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I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead.
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? When your 3 month old realizes you are daddy and starts smiling at you. When your 6 month old tries to share her half chewed cracker with you. When your 9 month old tries to walk, and falls down, and stretches out her arms to you to pick her up. When your 18 month old learns her first word, and it is "deh-deh" When your 3 year old demands that you read her the same princess story while she sits in your lap Or when she demands that you build her a tent out of couch cushions to take a nap in Hell yes, I would do it gain (and will soon, I hope) |
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My son is 10. He's a GREAT kid. He loves guns, cars, his mom and dad and his pets. He hates Obama (though he respects the Presidency), welfarians and bullies. He's been taught personal responsibility, compassion for others, and love of God and country.
I also want to smack him most of the time. Raising a kid is THE hardest thing I've ever done. It's also by far the most rewarding thing I will ever do. It's no wonder in today's society we have so many screwed up kids....most people aren't willing to put in the effort it takes to keep 'em on the right path.....It's damn HARD!!! My advise....A kid is YEARS of hard work and a lifetime of commitment to another person that you cannot divorce, break-up with or leave behind (you can if you're a complete dirt-bag I suppose). Only you will know when you are ready and/or willing to have a kid of your own. You'll love it when you are ready, even on the days when you'd happily trade them for a case of ammo. |
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Quoted: That pic is already old. I've seen it 4 times in the last 5 minutes. Quoted: First marriage in '73, we were both 20. Having kids is what you did. I love my two kids... I really do. They both turned out great for different reasons, but they are doing great in their lives. Having said that... I would have been perfectly happy not having kids. And after a divorce, marriage, divorce, marriage with stepchild, I will say this... STEPKIDS ARE EVIL. Nuke them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure. Okay, okay... I love the stepkid. I don't LIKE her at all, but I love her. And she's why I FUCKIN' hate kids now. If you ain't at least 28... Fuck off and DIE! And it you're 29.... you MAY be eligible for the "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" award. ETA: I really hate kids. http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/124586-1/Bro_Inc.jpg  |
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What does one do if they try it and find they hate it? eject? eat a gun? kill the little bastard? this isn't something you "just try" to see if you like it,once you have them you're pretty much stuck,or a deadman since that's the only way out. how about a "trial run," so to speak? do you like kids in general? can you hold a baby without cringing away from him/her? do you want to spend your time/money on someone other than yourself and the wife? do you want to look at a tiny being with qualities of you and your wife blended all in one? do you want to guide another person as they go through each day of his/her life, making choices, doing homework, having fights with friends, having heartbreak, experiencing the joy of roller coasters and fireworks? I don't care for kids,know to protect them and feed them and make sure there safe but that's it. A baby is a small ungrown human to me,as far as feelings? well-they're just a sack of meat to me. Do you want to spend your time/money on someone other than yourself and the wife? No,not at all. Do you want to look at a tiny being with qualities of you and your wife blended all in one?.......if that ever happens Gawd help us all! 
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I have 2 children who are the light of my life..I would not trade them for any amount of power,money,fame, or riches..
They have been a gift of God to me and have made my life worth every thing it was missing when I didn't have children.. They are my best friends,my hope,my love of life and I could not ever imagine my life without them.. No doubt, I could have it made, financially or in a sense of freedom if I were not a father. However, there is something more than your own life worth living and unless you have children you may not understand that statement.. Then again, Those who have a relationship which goes beyond "sperm donor" with another living human being who looks to you as something as special as a "daddy" then you can understand.. Knowing my children love me unconditionally and depend on the love I give them through friendship and fatherhood is priceless. It all depends on the relationship you can develop with your children as they grow into little people.... to the life you will have with your children.. My children have opened my life to a beauty and honor which is indescribable... All that being said, it depends on the person you intend on being when it comes to being a father...Do you plan on being a sperm donor or a daddy.. I thank God I chose to be a daddy...I will never regret any second of my life I have spent nurturing my children... Besides, Now I have someone to watch my 6 forever and someone to leave all my guns and accessories to when I die.. Seriously, it makes me feel good to be able to plan for their future and to know when I do die to know each one of them will one day hold the guns we have shot together and remember the love and exchange of knowledge we shared together on special days where it was a day made for only us,together... Like I said, it is nothing you can understand unless you have had these experiences for yourself.. It lights up my day to see my children remember something I have taught them about survival or camping trips and outdoor moments such as pitching a tent, tieing knots,sharpening knives, or tracking game.. IT is the little insignificant things you teach them through their lives you see them do out of the blue that makes all the hard work worth living... When I see my son take his toy guns and sling them up with 550 cord or sharpen his knives how I taught him or when my daughter tells me things about science and the stars, which we always look at every night at sunset,together as a little family, it is these things you notice as they get older which makes it all worth it... There is nothing like looking at a little person which resembles the love you have made...When I look at my children and their actions and habits, I see a little me and I know they will never ever forget that love and they will share it with their own children one day... This is coming from a person who NEVER wanted to be married or especially have kids... Also, it certainly makes a difference who your spouse is as well...if you don't have the right woman you need to wait until your relationship is solid before you have the thought to have a child.. I want more children but my wife is not in good enough health to carry a child and I have even thought about adoption but I will have to see where my finances will be after this depression ends up over the next 4 years... |
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I agree about the part about being dedicated to the kids, honestly it was always one of those things that if I wasn't going to do it right I wasn't going to do it. I still wish someone would explain why its worth it. It's like telling someone how it feels to shot your AR15 / AK47. Until you do it, you'll never really know. One problem... if you don't like the AR15, you can always sell it!!!! That could be a problem. If you are self absorbed, sociopathic, really into survival, not spending money on someone else, like to sleep in, like to be on your own schedule, or any number of other things that would inconvenience you, then no - you shouldn't have kids. They will put your patience to the test, they are expensive, and demanding.
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My kids are still very young, so I haven't really taken the full ride yet.
I can tell you having kids is far more rewarding than you can imagine. When I hear people talking about a cabin or a boat or something that they MAY have to give up as a reason not to have kids I wish I could explain to them how rewarding having kids really is, because they obviously can't imagine it, I know I couldn't until my daughter was born. I had kids because I wanted a fuller life. For some people just getting by in life is a challenge and those people probably shouldn't be parents. I found life challenging myself as a teenager so I understand where they're coming from. Then there's the stage where you find personal gratification satisfying, wine/women/song/toys...that doesn't last forever either. Most folks get a certain satisfaction from career/economic success, that pretty much went away for me once I was financially secure. I could understand someone who had a job where they could help other people, like a cop or firefighter or teacher feeling like that never ended, but those jobs don't really lead to financial security either. I never wanted kids while I was going through those phases of my life, didn't think I ever would, but about when I hit 30 I started feeling the urge to live a richer life, even if it was more difficult. I was married to a woman I could trust and had enough financial security to feel like it was a sensible choice to have a family. It isn't always easy, I never really knew fear until I knew parental love and responsibility for another, that probably isn't for everybody, but for me it's worth it and then some. |
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Got one great boy and another on the way.
So your in your 30's. I'm in the same boat. The time will never be perfect. Your not getting younger. Here is some things I was scared of. They don't have to cost as much as you think i. e. I've never bought baby food. When your own kid screams and yells, it's not like other peoples kids. They move out of that helpless stage quickly don't blow to much money on it. My 18 month old will jump from the coffee table to the couch. He has driven(kinda) on a public road. He will steer my STi into a donut a squeal about the slide. His favorite toy is a book. He is already pissing off the back steps. This all much better than running around wasting time on all that crap that no longer matters, and I haven't given up on the things I enjoyed. Read good books. Do not get scammed into all the bullshit, they don't care. T-shirts, used jeans and keens. Table food and the tit. But, the tv channels are guna suck. 
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All I've ever wanted out of life was to be a mom. I didn't really get "baby fever" though until I'd been married a few years. It wasn't so much that I wanted A baby. I wanted HIS baby. I mean, if what he and I share is so special and mind-blowing then how much more awesome would it be to have something extra that came from the two of us? We were married almost 5 years before we had kids and I'm so glad we waited that long because it gave us time to build a really strong relationship and solid foundation on which to build our family. Yes, kids are all consuming for the first few years and although it gets easier as they grow, it's never really EASY. But I think they bring something to the relationship to make it stronger. The love and respect you have for each other grows when you get to see yourselves in another role. There's something about watching your spouse love and nurture and be selfless with your child that forges a bond that wasn't there before. I don't know. It's something that's not easily explained unless you've been there. But one thing I always go by is that you never regret the kids you have, you regret the ones you don't have. |
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I love my kids. Sure, I could have more guns and more material things that I want but I would have no one to share them with. I would rather have 3 guns, one for each of us, than to have 20 for myself.
NOTHING on this Earth compares to the love and pride you will have for your kids. I have never been more proud of anything than my two boys. The first time they crawl, the first words, the first time they stand on their own, their first steps, nothing you have done in your life will make you as proud as they do with their accomplishments no matter how small. It is definitely hard, and hard to explain but if you ever have one, you will know. |
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I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? I'm in the exact same situation and we just had our first last November. I'm 37 she's 33. He's a healthy and happy kid so far. Where you and I differ is I've always wanted kids and I've vowed that my crappy family life wouldn't become his demons. My wife's family is great and he's around them majority of the time. To answer your question, we both wanted kids so we made one. My motivation was to be a good father and hers was to be a good mother. |
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I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead.
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? Over, and over again. 3 wonderful kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. Wouldn't change a thing––EVER! I'm the luckiest dad on earth. HH |
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In before the "My life wouldn't be complete with my kids" crowd.
No, really its a case by case scenario. Some work out well despite trouble, the others the reverse. To me though, it seems they have become punctuation in a troublesome life. "well, I got laid-off when I found out we were having our third kid. My son turned out pretty good despite all the shit that has been slung his way. |
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I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead.
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? My wife and I always wanted kids...we both come from big families. Are they worth it? Hell yeah...my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish we had the money to have more...not that we couldn't feed them, but my wife and I want our kids to have good education and opportunities, and having another at this point would make those difficult to provide. |
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I don't care for kids,know to protect them and feed them and make sure there safe but that's it. A baby is a small ungrown human to me,as far as feelings? well-they're just a sack of meat to me. Do you want to spend your time/money on someone other than yourself and the wife? No,not at all. Do you want to look at a tiny being with qualities of you and your wife blended all in one?.......if that ever happens Gawd help us all! then you, sir, have your answer. hopefully we've helped the OP come closer to his...
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My son was not planned.....but I would not trade him for anything....
My wife has a son from a previous relationship that was 3 when we met....he is 10 now and our son is 6....I love them both very much and they are both my sons that I would not trade for anything. They are great and lots of fun....I'm very proud of my boys and YES I would have them again if I had to go back in time. |
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I am looking for a serious answer, but since I am lazy I will ask ARFCOM hive instead.
I am in my low 30's, previously married, no kids (Thank GOD!). Basically I always had a pretty crappy family life, so I can't say I really had a desire to have kids. Well, now I have remarried a really fantastic woman. We are both responsible, well adjusted and do pretty well in life. She has a really fantastic family. So basically, what prompted you to have kids? Are they really worth it? Would you do it again? We planned both of ours, I would do it again but have them sooner. I'm 40 with a 5 and 1 year old
ETA: we've been married 19 years. |