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Posted: 1/24/2002 6:09:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/24/2002 6:16:29 AM EDT by The_Macallan]
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of)that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done themost to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. 4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death. 3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him. 2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. 1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admmtted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. continued...
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 6:10:46 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/24/2002 6:12:31 AM EDT by The_Macallan]
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER. (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and began to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. [beer]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 6:42:20 AM EDT
Great story, but urban legend. See the source: [url]http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/[/url] This site will have you rolling on the floor. The Urban Legend page covers most of the false Darwin legends. This one is here: [url]http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-05.html[/url]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 6:48:34 AM EDT
I have the new book but unfortunately mentioned the book to my doctor who borrowed the book and has yet to return it. The book also points out which stories turned-out to be "Urban Legends." My favorite of the guy installing a rocket in his Chevy(?) and realizing there was no off-switch some where above 150 mph turned out to be Urban Legend - damn it.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 6:50:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: 1st RUNNER-UP Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. .
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This one is obviously fictitious. NO WAY that guy had 8-10 inches of brain. [}:D]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 6:53:34 AM EDT
Our friends in Great Britain also had a couple of "winners" (I believe). Seems two guys were working new construction up about six stories or so - their job was to cut a large circle in a concrete floor - anway the Brit heros succeeded and yes both were inside the circle when it crashed several stories down.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 8:34:11 AM EDT
They're cute, but neither of these can even remotely be considered for the award since neither of them died or were castrated (a rarely-used alternative way of entering the contest).
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: 2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. 1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admmtted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
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Link Posted: 1/24/2002 9:16:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/24/2002 9:19:50 AM EDT by Guzzler]
Originally Posted By 5subslr5: My favorite of the guy installing a rocket in his Chevy(?) and realizing there was no off-switch some where above 150 mph turned out to be Urban Legend - damn it.
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I had the link to the true story of the Rocket Car. It was a long and lengthy explination of how they used the rail tracks of an old mine to test. Unfortunately, I just checked the link and it is no longer working. DAMN. Let me search and see if it moved to a new location. BTW - the old link was http://www.geocities.com/Baja/Canyon/7665/ROCKIT.HTML Whoops.... FOUND IT!!! Long read, and the possible true story of the Rocket Car Legend. [url]http://www.wagoneers.com/pages/RocketCar/rockit.html[/url]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 11:07:26 AM EDT
That story was pretty cool. I read it all. Reminds me of my Dad...
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 11:20:22 AM EDT
I never did hear the report about the guy in Southern Or getting stuck in the eye, but it is certainly possible. Guy at my mill was apparently coming back from the shooting range with some stuff... and amongst the stuff was allegedly a .357 revolver. He had the cylinder open, I don't know why, and then flipped the cylinder shut. Somehow, the muzzle end of the revolver swept over his groin area, said .357 discharged and the hot gases and one bullet sailed into his nuts. Result= 1 nut lost and 1.5 inches of pecker removed. Apparently the muzzle blast at close range did most of the damage. Moral of the story: Do not sweep any firearm, bow or red-hot poker across your genitalia, unless you are into that kind of thing. Moral 2: Leave the revolver heroics to Kojak. He had a little wind taken out of his sails. Yeah it sucks, and I normally wouldn't believe it, but I knew the guy and heard him tell the story. It is so unbelievable that I still think maybe it was a scam. He got a lot of time off for medical leave for that one.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 3:42:45 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/24/2002 4:06:35 PM EDT by faris]
An older prospect from central Missouri: Sheriff's dept reported that Thomas Monroe was killed at his home Tuesday. Apparently Mr. Monroe was painting his kitchen when he bumped his head against the wall, smearing paint into his hair. Monroe went to his garage looking for a solvent to clean his hair, and unable to find paint thinner, decided to use a gallon can of lacquer thinner. As he had been drinking since early that morning, Monroe was somewhat unsteady, and spilled most of the can on himself. Mr. Monroe decided to use his wife's hair dryer to dry himself off. Neighbor's reported hearing a loud "FOOMPH" sound, and screams coming from the garage. Sheriff's and fire dept personal were unable to save Monroe, who neighbors said was "Somewhat accident prone". And my all time favorite. Some skank in Kansas City poured boiling water over his girl friend, and beat her to a pulp. She was a St. Louis native going to school in KC. The skank couldn't make bail, and was surprised when an anonymous party gave bail money to his mother. His body was found in a corn field in Kansas two days later, according to police, "Beaten, kicked, and burned to death, probably with a blow torch". Seems the college girl's daddy was high up in the St. Louis Leasure crime family. Case never solved!
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 5:31:52 PM EDT
metallica didnt tour in 2001......
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 5:41:55 PM EDT
My absolute favorite was the one about the guy who always wanted to fly, so he attatched helium filled weather balloons to a lawn chair. I'll see if I can find the link.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 5:48:20 PM EDT
Lawn Chair Larry....he didnt die, so only gets honorable mention, but its a classic. [url]http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1997-11.html[/url]
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