Posted: 5/21/2009 6:01:40 AM EDT
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Hilarious!
Teaser; (404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/recent/1 |
Good stuff! 
(602): Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not. |
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(925): I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it. (916): You're drunk. Make complete sentences. (925): It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand. There are posters here on this board who normally post like that 
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I love those, they make me feel better about the drunk texts I send out  Drunk texting is bad mmmmkay. Ask me how I know. post em! I think I'll save my self the embarrassment. You two pale in comparison to my drunk texting ability.. I want to put a breathalyzer on the crackberry..  Mark, you've even received some haven't you??
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(925): I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it. (916): You're drunk. Make complete sentences. (925): It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand. There are posters here on this board who normally post like that Yea , but if you can understand him he has some decent survival info on a budget . |
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I love those, they make me feel better about the drunk texts I send out Drunk texting is bad mmmmkay. Ask me how I know. post em! I think I'll save my self the embarrassment. You two pale in comparison to my drunk texting ability.. I want to put a breathalyzer on the crackberry.. Mark, you've even received some haven't you??
Doesn't matter, I'll take em as well as I give em
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I love those, they make me feel better about the drunk texts I send out Drunk texting is bad mmmmkay. Ask me how I know. post em! I think I'll save my self the embarrassment. You two pale in comparison to my drunk texting ability.. I want to put a breathalyzer on the crackberry.. Mark, you've even received some haven't you??
Somehow I doubt that. 
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(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk? (918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush. (405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.   OK... I just LOL - Clint This shit is great! |
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(631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins (440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok? (216): ... about that ... |
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(630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
(707): I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits (802): i can juggle bunnies (1-802): cool (802): on fire that place is fucking hilarous |
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(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? |
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