Posted: 3/25/2009 9:06:48 PM EDT
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER:
> 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites! > > FREE PUPPIES: > 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog > > > FREE PUPPIES: > Mother, AKC German Shepherd. > Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound > . > > FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: > Looks like a rat. Been out a while. > Better be a big reward. > > COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED: > Also 1 gay bull for sale. > > NORDIC TRACK: > $300 Hardly used, call Chubby. > > Georgia Peaches: > California grown - 89 cents/lb. > > JOINING NUDIST COLONY: > Must sell washer and dryer $300. > > WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE: > Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. > > FOR SALE BY OWNER: > Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition > . $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything. |
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   (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) * Illiterate? Write today for free help. * Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. * Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. * Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. * Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. * Stock up and save. Limit: one. * Semi-Annual After-Christmas Sale. * 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. * Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. * Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. * Dinner Special –– Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 * For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. * Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. * We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. * For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale. * Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. * Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. * Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. * Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. * For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. * Man, honest. Will take anything. * Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. * Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. * Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. * Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. * Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. * Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. * And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. * We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. * White girl’s bedroom set - $250. |