Posted: 2/8/2009 4:39:25 PM EDT
|
Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny. Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny,"coz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses". |
johnny is a sick fuck.
|
Little Johnny was playing with trains. He would push them around in circle and stop at his toy station.
"All right," he said, "All you m@therF@ckers that want off the train, get off. All you m@therF@ckers that want on the train, get on." So he pushed the train around in another circle and stopped at the station once more. "All right," he said, "All you m@therF@ckers that want off the train, get off. All you m@therF@ckers that want on the train, get on." His mother heard him from where she was cooking dinner. "Johnny! Get up to your room!" Johnny sat in his room for an hour before his mother let him down, warning "Don't use that language again!" So Johnny resumed playing trains, pushing the train around his track. At the station... "All right," he said, "All you nice people that want off the train, get off. All you nice people that want on the train, get on... But if the train is late, blame the B#TCH in the kitchen!" 
|
|
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying, 'That would berude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' Johnny said, 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.' The teacher fainted |
|
One day a lady from the church had come over and had given a gift for all the wonderful sermons that her husband has given.
Mrs. Johnson had said, "Thank you very much but what is it?" The lady said, "It is a Damn ham." Mrs. Johnson looked shocked and said, "Don't speak that way to me, don't you know that I am the preachers wife!" The lady said, "Yes, yes I know, but that is the brand name of the ham!" Mrs. Johnson said, "ooh I see well thank you" and the lady left. Later that night when Mrs. Johnson was cooking dinner the preacher came into the kitchen and said, "Mmmm! That smells really good! What is it?" Mrs. Johnson said," Well thats your dinner tonight, some Damn Ham" The preacher was shocked and said, "Don't speak to me that way! Don't you know who I am?" Mrs. Johnson said, "Yes, yes! I know who you are! It is just the brand name!" The preacher said, "Oh! I see! Well it smells great!" That night when dinner was ready she had set it out on the table. The corn, mashed potatoes, rolls, and ham! When the family sat down they said their prayers and began to eat. The preacher said to his wife, "Could you please pass me some of that Damn ham?" The wife said "sure". Then little Johnny said, "Alright dad! While you're at it can you pass me the fucking mashed potatoes!" |