Posted: 1/26/2009 8:14:08 PM EDT
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Suicide.
Strange thing is I am totally ambivalent about it. Not looking for condolences or anything, just thought to mention how odd it is that this time I am totally ambivalent about it.  weird. I hate to say it but she is better off.
My best friend years ago ate a .44mag. That was hard to handle. but this time, it just doesn't sting. Maybe it because she f-ed her life up totally and death may be the best thing for her. Maybe I am bastard for thinking that, I don't know. She was my first love as a teen and we always kept in contact all these years. you would think it would hurt but it doesn't. I think that bothers me more than the loss. |
| Everybody has their own way to deal with death....it is different for each death and the circumstances....I have seen alot of death personally and professionally. Your not weird it just takes time....talk about it if that is what helps you...find your own way to deal with it...if you need seek help to find a way to deal with it. |
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Quoted:
Suicide. Strange thing is I am totally ambivalent about it. Not looking for condolences or anything, just thought to mention how odd it is that this time I am totally ambivalent about it.  weird. I hate to say it but she is better off.
My best friend years ago ate a .44mag. That was hard to handle. but this time, it just doesn't sting. Maybe it because she f-ed her life up totally and death may be the best thing for her. Maybe I am bastard for thinking that, I don't know. She was my first love as a teen and we always kept in contact all these years. you would think it would hurt but it doesn't. I think that bothers me more than the loss. Jed Eckert: It's kind of strange, isn't it? How the mountains pay us no attention at all. You laugh or you cry... The wind just keeps on blowing. Matt Eckert: You're getting pretty low on feelings, aren't you? Jed Eckert: I can't afford them. Matt Eckert: Even if that had been me instead of Aardvark? |
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It hurts or you wouldn't be here talking about it. Probably, or maybe I am doing this to make it hurt. I haven't heard from her since 12/27 and for some weird reason, I had the feeling she did it but I thought to give her some time to deal with her problems her own way. When I drove up to her house and saw the neighbor, I already knew what they were gonna say when I inquired about her. She killed herself on the 27th and they found her on New Years. I just found out today. I guess with her wrecked and screwed up life it was inevitable. Dont know for sure if it was intentional or not to say. She had a pill problem and thats how she died. Maybe seeing the train wreck she became I had accepted the fact years ago. I tried to help many times but some people are bent on self destruction. Sad thing is her mother is probably next. She lost her step dad last November 07 and her real Dad 2 months later. Her mom all but disowned her and her brother was an alcoholic asshole. She didn't have any real friends left in this world and was getting close to eviction. On the 27th I told her to find a local motel efficiency and I was going to pay 2 months till she got life figured out or moved with her insane uncle. She chose the permanent solution to a temporary problem. |
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Quoted:
Suicide. Strange thing is I am totally ambivalent about it. Not looking for condolences or anything, just thought to mention how odd it is that this time I am totally ambivalent about it. weird. I hate to say it but she is better off.
My best friend years ago ate a .44mag. That was hard to handle. but this time, it just doesn't sting. Maybe it because she f-ed her life up totally and death may be the best thing for her. Maybe I am bastard for thinking that, I don't know. She was my first love as a teen and we always kept in contact all these years. you would think it would hurt but it doesn't. I think that bothers me more than the loss. I think you just knew subconsciously she was going downhill and it was not much of a surprise. |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Suicide. Strange thing is I am totally ambivalent about it. Not looking for condolences or anything, just thought to mention how odd it is that this time I am totally ambivalent about it. weird. I hate to say it but she is better off.
My best friend years ago ate a .44mag. That was hard to handle. but this time, it just doesn't sting. Maybe it because she f-ed her life up totally and death may be the best thing for her. Maybe I am bastard for thinking that, I don't know. She was my first love as a teen and we always kept in contact all these years. you would think it would hurt but it doesn't. I think that bothers me more than the loss. I think you just knew subconsciously she was going downhill and it was not much of a surprise. I think you hit the nail on the head there my friend . I was watching her die for years. This was just the logical and inevitable conclusion. I guess I made peace with it a while back. ETA looks like KidSampson hit the nail on the head as well. Same boat. Its totally because of her ruined life is why I am ok with it. Whereas my best friend years ago wasn't in bad shape and just decided to empty his head. Well that and I found him so that may have made it different. Another crappy thing for me to think is, she had some of my coolest Army pics I took overseas and would have liked them to give to my kids. I heard the place was cleaned out already. |
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Quoted:
Suicide. Strange thing is I am totally ambivalent about it. Not looking for condolences or anything, just thought to mention how odd it is that this time I am totally ambivalent about it. weird. I hate to say it but she is better off.
My best friend years ago ate a .44mag. That was hard to handle. but this time, it just doesn't sting. Maybe it because she f-ed her life up totally and death may be the best thing for her. Maybe I am bastard for thinking that, I don't know. She was my first love as a teen and we always kept in contact all these years. you would think it would hurt but it doesn't. I think that bothers me more than the loss. I have to disagree here. I don't think suicide is ever a reasonable answer. But it was her right to do so. |
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A few weeks ago, a guy who owned a bar I used to go to killed himself with a shotgun. Went to the bar in the morning, seemingly nothing wrong, took out the garbage, and didn't come back. They found him outside later. No idea why he did it. None.
Sorry to hear about this. |
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A few weeks ago, a guy who owned a bar I used to go to killed himself with a shotgun. Went to the bar in the morning, seemingly nothing wrong, took out the garbage, and didn't come back. They found him outside later. No idea why he did it. None. Sorry to hear about this. Where was that? OP: Sorry to hear, but it sounds like you saw it coming for a long time. 
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A few weeks ago, a guy who owned a bar I used to go to killed himself with a shotgun. Went to the bar in the morning, seemingly nothing wrong, took out the garbage, and didn't come back. They found him outside later. No idea why he did it. None. Sorry to hear about this. Where was that? OP: Sorry to hear, but it sounds like you saw it coming for a long time. El Paso. We used to go there once in awhile, because my brother's girlfriend's dad went all the time. He was a real good guy, took us hunting, fishing, and the like. You couldn't buy a beer if he was in the bar with you––he'd always get you one. Sadly, he died a few years ago of a heart attack. It was in the summer, hot as hell, and he came in from trap shooting. Ordered a beer and a glass of water, had a heart attack and died right there, in that same bar. Maybe it's best I don't go anymore. 
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that stinks.  a guy at work last Friday told me and my co-worker that his son ate a .357. He was very tore up about it but volunteered the story that his son was grieving a break-up with his GF, he was 26. I just can't imagine what the person is thinking to consider ending it all. I have been pretty low myself, but ending it never even became an option. |