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Posted: 12/24/2001 6:35:24 AM EDT
I don't know if this has made the rounds yet, but I just opened this up in my email and ended up spitting coffee all over the monitor - just didn't see the punch line coming (no pun intended, but I'll take it anyway!)[;)] [b]Russian Condoms[/b] Russian President Putin called President George W.Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control......this is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms, ASAP, to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter?" asked Putin. "No problem," replied the President. With that, George W. hung up the phone and then called the President of the Acme Condom Company. "I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms over to Russia right away." "Consider it done," said the CEO of Acme. "Great! Now listen. They have to be red in color, 10 inches long, and 4 inches in diameter." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said Bush. "On each one print the words 'MADE IN TEXAS, SIZE: SMALL.'"
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 6:52:58 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 6:54:56 AM EDT
What's so funny about that? You didn't think we used the small ones did you? They are for export only.
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 7:02:37 AM EDT
that was funny..
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 12:52:26 PM EDT
King Soopers used to carry that size here in Colorado, but had too many returns for fitting too tightly. I think they shipped the whole lot of them down to Texas.
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 2:02:52 PM EDT
Uh huh huh....don't be messin' with Texas. We grow'em real big down here. Uh huh huh![sleep] Notice the folks in Alaska don't need constant references to "size" related issues from their state? I've seen every damn state in this country, and while personally ranking the top 20, Texas isn't even on the damn list. Texas isn't a total disaster, but anyone who thinks its paradise needs to do a lot more traveling. Inevitable reply:"I've been to every state too. Texas IS the best. Great gun laws, great women and EVERYTHING down here, from our land to our cocks are just HUGE." Again.....[sleep]
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 3:40:26 PM EDT
LOL, that was funny man!
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 7:09:48 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M4: Uh huh huh....don't be messin' with Texas. We grow'em real big down here. Uh huh huh![sleep] Notice the folks in Alaska don't need constant references to "size" related issues from their state? I've seen every damn state in this country, and while personally ranking the top 20, Texas isn't even on the damn list. Texas isn't a total disaster, but anyone who thinks its paradise needs to do a lot more traveling. Inevitable reply:"I've been to every state too. Texas IS the best. Great gun laws, great women and EVERYTHING down here, from our land to our cocks are just HUGE." Again.....[sleep]
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I bet you wouldn't come down here and say that. Cause you would get a [b]BIG[/b] ass whoopin.[BD] (the only way we give em down here) What's wrong with you always sleeping anyways? Narcolepsy [sleep]? We've got some [b]BIG[/b] hospitals, the best in the country, that could help you out with your sleeping disorder. We've got some [b]BIG[/b] mental health facilities, mostly for out of staters, that could probably help you out with whatever made you start you whole rant too, which I suspect is jealousy because you don't live in Texas, or maybe you just have a little [b][size=1]willie[/b][/size=1]. Whatever it is, come on down and we'll get you fixed up [b]BIG TIME[/b].
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 7:35:36 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 7:37:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2001 7:28:36 PM EDT by Ponyboy]
Originally Posted By Big_Bear: I could have sworn I just heard a little pony whinnying and galloping through here? Did anyone else hear it? Oh well, I must be hearing things. How 'bout some eggnog? [<|:D>]
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Hey [b]Big[/b]_Bear, you must have some ancestors from Texas, huh?
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 7:55:50 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 8:01:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2001 7:53:09 PM EDT by Ponyboy]
Originally Posted By Big_Bear: Actually I do have some relatives in Texas, on the Texas side of Texarkana. Merry Christmas Ponyboy. I'm just pulling your leg. [;D]
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I knew you were joking. I'm psychic, can't you tell?[;)] Merry Christmas to you too.
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 8:49:55 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ponyboy: Whatever it is, come on down and we'll get you fixed up [b]BIG TIME[/b].
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No thanks, I've been to Texas several times. 80% looks like great place to test nukes. 15% ranks about a 4 out of 10 in just about every catagory I can think of. The final 5% is pretty cool, hardly worth bragging about. It's friggin' Mexico North. TexMex, the finest American culinary contribution next to Nacho Cheese.
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 9:31:20 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M4:
Originally Posted By Ponyboy: Whatever it is, come on down and we'll get you fixed up [b]BIG TIME[/b].
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No thanks, I've been to Texas several times. 80% looks like great place to test nukes. 15% ranks about a 4 out of 10 in just about every catagory I can think of. The final 5% is pretty cool, hardly worth bragging about. It's friggin' Mexico North. TexMex, the finest American culinary contribution next to Nacho Cheese.
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Hahahaha....ok, I catch what your throwin... You've been to Texas several times and you've seen the [b]whole[/b] 100% of the state? Been hitting the egg nog a little hard tonight, huh buddy? I can drive 12hrs in several directions and still be in Texas, or, I can start in Florida and drive 12hrs in [b]any[/b]direction and end up in Texas. That's how big this place is. I like Florida though, it's kind of like Texas's little brother. Like, Texas is George Bush and Florida is Jeb Bush. We are bigger, more important and known the world over. But hey, ya'll have Disney World and giant forrest fires, so that has to count for something! We go off and have the siege at Waco, and ya'll come right back at us with the siege at Elian Gonzalez's aunt's house. We execute 150 people a year and ya'll get back in our face with 12. So many similarities it's amazing. Have a merry Christmas little bro [<|:D>]
Link Posted: 12/24/2001 10:40:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/25/2001 9:08:41 AM EDT
I was an advisor for the South Korean AF when I was in the Air Force. While in Korea, VD was a big readiness worry so the medical facilities used to give boxes of condoms away for free. I was in the orderly room one day picking up distro and saw cases of them lying around so I grabbed one. Being married and not having a use for them myself, I brought them out to work to give to the Korean NCOs as a little "gift". They were quite happy to to receive them and promised to pass them on to their Airmen but were wondering why I hadn't kept them for my own use? Having to think of a reason quickly, I told them that they were American Extra small size and that they were too tight of a fit for us Americans. This fit perfectly (no pun intended) with the scuttlebutt they had heard concerning rumors of our gigantic sized penises. This rumor was perpetuated not only by the local Korean women who had experience with Americans, but also by the plethora of bootleg American porn films circulating in Korea that starred such guys as Ron Jeremy, John Holmes, etc. We told them that Ron was average American size and that John was a bit above average. Upon hearing stuff like that they used to wander off shaking their heads in amazement and disbelief.
Link Posted: 12/25/2001 10:29:57 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Big_Bear: I tell ya what's bigger in Florida than in Texas... MOSQUITOS!!!
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Hell you have not see mosquitos till you have been to northern Ontario!!
Link Posted: 12/25/2001 1:52:33 PM EDT
New condom sizing system: 1)Large 2)Extra Large 3)[b]OH MY GOD GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME![/B] [;D]
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