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Posted: 12/12/2001 11:57:51 PM EDT
[img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Imbroglio%2F5v%2Ejpg[/img]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:05:03 AM EDT
Why should I care? He doesn't have anything for me. [:|] USPC40 ------------------------------------------------- [b][blue]NRA Life Member[/blue][/b] - [url]www.nra.org[/url] [b][blue]GOA Life Member[/blue][/b] - [url]www.gunowners.org[/url] [b][blue]SAF Supporter[/blue][/b] - [url]www.saf.org[/url] [b][blue]SAS Supporter[/blue][/b] - [url]www.sas-aim.org[/url] [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/USPC40/alabamaflag.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:11:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2001 12:06:03 AM EDT by 12_15_20_2_15_25]
Ready the AAA and surface to air missles.[<|:D>]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:16:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2001 12:45:40 AM EDT by Canada]
Santa better watch out, the US airforce will shoot him down if he refuses to land and be searched.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:38:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2001 12:31:13 AM EDT by Stealth]
I think the bunny can outrun him. Ah hell... Merry almost friggen Christmas! [:D]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 1:22:51 AM EDT
Will Santa get a fighter escort?
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 1:43:11 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 3:17:34 AM EDT
It is far more easier for me to believe in Santa Clause than in the 6 day creation and Noachian Flood story.[:D] Sorry Garandman, et al. - but I had too. It's nice that you liked my joke though. Adam
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 3:41:08 AM EDT
osprey21... You need a hobby.[IMG]http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/contrib/aahmed/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 3:57:54 AM EDT
Hey cool - Imbroglio posted a topic that doesn't make me want to go out and kill myself.[BD] Things are looking up. [}:D]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 4:43:23 AM EDT
why is it that almost all of imbro's topice endup depressing as hell, or make me ROTFLMAO.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 5:02:47 AM EDT
mmmmmmmm.....Imbros posts make you feel depressed or ROTFLMAO.....BIPOLAR POSTS!
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 5:03:14 AM EDT
Santa is most certainly alive, just like Cheech said: "He's gone underground"
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 5:48:07 AM EDT
So what's had to believe??
Originally Posted By osprey21: First of all , there exists THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND kinds of organisms capable of flying , most of these insects and germs , but no one has yet found flying reindeer , besides Santa ... So we question him ... Is he hallucinating? There are over 2 billion children in the world , aged from 0 to 18 years old. Santa does not visit Hindu , Muslum , Jewish and Budhist children so that leaves 378 million children. A survey says there is an average of 3.5 kids per home , so this means there are about 91.8 million homes to be visited. Thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, Santa Claus has about 31 hours that night to deliver his gifts, if we suppose that he travels from east to west ... which sounds pretty logical. This means Santa Claus must make 822.6 visits per second. For each Christian home with at least one child , Santa Claus has approximately one one thousandth of a second to park, jump off his sleigh and leave for the next home. Could you do that in 1 / 1000 th of a second? I don't think so. If we suppose that the 91.8 million homes are spread evenly throughout the globe , which is a ridiculously false theory , but is accepted to facilate the calculations , the homes are about 1.25 km apart , with a total distance of 120 million kilometers. But we must not forget to add time for Santa , who is human as we are, to do what everyone must do at least once in 31 hours , plus eat three healthy meals a day. So Santa Claus' sleigh would have to travel at more then 1000 kilometers an hour, which is three times the speed of light. The weight of the sleigh is also an important factor. Supposing that each child receives a medium-size LEGO set, weighing approximately 2 pounds, the total weight of the sleigh and the gifts would be about 321,300 tons, without counting jolly old Saint Nick. Now, a standard reindeer can pull no more then 300 pounds. Even if a flying reindeer can pull ten times more then a normal reindeer, Santa would need 214,200 reindeers to pull his sleigh. Altogether, the 214,200 reindeer, Santa , the gifts and the sleigh would weigh more than 353,430 tons, which is equal to four times the TITANIC! Impossible! Why? The 353,430 tons, travelling at a speed of 1000 km an hour would creat a huge air resistance , which would heat the reindeer just like a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The 2 leading reindeer would then absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy , per second , each. These leading reindeer , as a result of this , would then burst into flames , and so would the following ones and the reindeer behind them , creating a massive sonic boom. So the entire group of reindeer would be vaporized within 4.26 millionth of a second , exposing our friend Santa , who would be subject to centrifugal force 17,500 times greater than the force of gravity. Now assuming that Santa weighs a feeble 250 pounds , he would be squished in the back of the sleigh by 4,375,00 pounds of centrifugal force , and he would explode. Merry Christmas anyways!
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[red][size=6]Merry Christmas anyways![/red][/size=6]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:12:07 AM EDT
I just got this memo from the old guy. Thought I would share this with everyone. ---------------------------------------------- I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209 I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as: 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:" These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC colaand pork rinds [or a moonpie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy. 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace. 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off". The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy. 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It." Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus I hope that you all have a very nice Christmas.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:18:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2001 11:28:56 AM EDT by DriftPunch]
UHHH!? UHHH!? I think that he is trying to compare Santa with the speed of SOUND, as opposed to the speed of LIGHT. Either that, or LIGHT is running in the slow lane these days. Isn't light in the 186,000 miles a second range?
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:21:39 AM EDT
Bubba Guzzler, you better have some roots in the South or remain hidden ! (That was puckin hilarious.)
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:24:56 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:35:16 AM EDT
Originally Posted By osprey21: Santa Claus is dead! Many people still really believe in Santa Clause. Well, I am sorry to disappoint these people, but they have to find out someday ... Sant Claus does not exist.
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[>(]Stop saying that. [>(]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 10:51:22 AM EDT
oh no the word is out,now he's got to go up north.Be strong bubba claus. Thanks alot Guzzler!!and bythe way it's"All i want for xmas is my woman,a six pac and a set of mud tires!! got it lol
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 11:06:38 AM EDT
Seriously, though, don't you hate the asshole adults who think it is their duty to expose Santa as a fraud to young children? If you don't want to raise your own kids with that bit of traditional Christmas magic, that's fine. But leave other peoples' kids alone.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 11:22:32 AM EDT
To all: You have to [b]believe[/b][smoke]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 11:51:41 AM EDT
Santa Claus is dead! Many people still really believe in Santa Clause. Well, I am sorry to disappoint these people, but they have to find out someday ... Sant Claus does not exist.
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Thanks for ruining my Christmas. I am freaking devastated.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 11:53:05 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Canada: Santa better watch out, the US airforce will shoot him down if he refuses to land and be searched.
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And the canadian airforce...oh wait, there isn't one.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:10:47 PM EDT
Rumor has it that Santa Claus is delivering a special aerial gift of Daisy Cutters to the Middle East. Thats right, Santa's actually an undercover Mossad agent....................
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:12:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2001 12:14:28 PM EDT by garandman]
Is Santa just a mispelling of Satan??? I mean, think about it. They BOTH like to wear red clothing. They BOTH hang out with gremlin-like creatures. They are BOTH slippery, evasive critters. They BOTH like extreme climates. Hmmmm...inquiring minds want to know. [devil]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:41:35 PM EDT
The big jolly fat gun fairy is delivering me a H&K USP 45C Stainless for Christmas. Let me take this opportunity to say, "Gun Gods, I love you all, man." ...against all enemies, foreign and domestic...
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 12:46:52 PM EDT
He's making a list.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 1:31:31 PM EDT
How the heck do you calculate 1000 km/h to be 3 times the speed of light? 1000 km/h is about 911.34 feet per second. I wasn't aware that my Glock could shoot bullets at lightspeed X3! Actually I calculate his speed to be 3,870,968 km/h, which is .0036 times the speed of light or fast enough to make a trip around the world in about 36 seconds.
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 1:40:11 PM EDT
Sorry to disappoint, but I got in a good shot.. [img]http://wsphotofews.excite.com/034/Fu/Ml/CL/ZU68339.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 2:41:16 PM EDT
Originally Posted By garandman: Is Santa just a mispelling of Satan??? I mean, think about it. They BOTH like to wear red clothing. They BOTH hang out with gremlin-like creatures. They are BOTH slippery, evasive critters. They BOTH like extreme climates. Hmmmm...inquiring minds want to know. [devil]
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you forgot something Garandman. Christmas is not a christians holiday. it was adopted by the Roman Catholics from various pagan sources. Santa clause is like the Anti-christ in that he is celebrated on Jesus's false birthday; thereby superceding his image and importance. ban X-mas lib[}:D]hehe
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 2:49:09 PM EDT
This Christmas Eve I will celebrate with my favorite video, "Santa Claus is Coming, And Not Necessarily To Town", some cookies and cocoa. Mrs. Claus is so naughty...
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 7:02:06 PM EDT
North Pole(AP) Recent confirmation of another anthrax death at the North Pole has been confirmed. Apparently, disgruntled Muslims mailed a Mr. Santa Claus several envelopes containing tainted mail. No, the reindeer did not p### on it...Eyewitnesses state that Mr. Claus attempted to snort a powdery substance from said envelopes and was immediate overcome by anthrax apparently believing it was a package from his dealer named........Speedball. In his demise, Charlton Heston has been nominated as the new Santa as he fit prerequisits for age (Moses) - along with packing enough firepower to deliver presents to virtually anywhere. This is to include any countries ending in "stan" or any areas referred to as the "ghetto" or "hood"........ The only remaining concern.....will the new Santa try to bag his reindeer during hunting season? This could create "transportation problems"......
Link Posted: 12/13/2001 7:12:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Imbroglio: [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Imbroglio%2F5v%2Ejpg[/img]
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Cool!
Link Posted: 12/14/2001 7:03:09 AM EDT
Originally Posted By osprey21: Santa Claus is dead! Many people still really believe in Santa Clause. Well, I am sorry to disappoint these people, but they have to find out someday ... Sant Claus does not exist. You want some proofs? First of all , there exists THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND kinds of organisms capable of flying , most of these insects and germs , but no one has yet found flying reindeer , besides Santa ... So we question him ... Is he hallucinating? There are over 2 billion children in the world , aged from 0 to 18 years old. Santa does not visit Hindu , Muslum , Jewish and Budhist children so that leaves 378 million children. A survey says there is an average of 3.5 kids per home , so this means there are about 91.8 million homes to be visited. Thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, Santa Claus has about 31 hours that night to deliver his gifts, if we suppose that he travels from east to west ... which sounds pretty logical. This means Santa Claus must make 822.6 visits per second. For each Christian home with at least one child , Santa Claus has approximately one one thousandth of a second to park, jump off his sleigh and leave for the next home. Could you do that in 1 / 1000 th of a second? I don't think so. If we suppose that the 91.8 million homes are spread evenly throughout the globe , which is a ridiculously false theory , but is accepted to facilate the calculations , the homes are about 1.25 km apart , with a total distance of 120 million kilometers. But we must not forget to add time for Santa , who is human as we are, to do what everyone must do at least once in 31 hours , plus eat three healthy meals a day. So Santa Claus' sleigh would have to travel at more then 1000 kilometers an hour, which is three times the speed of light. The weight of the sleigh is also an important factor. Supposing that each child receives a medium-size LEGO set, weighing approximately 2 pounds, the total weight of the sleigh and the gifts would be about 321,300 tons, without counting jolly old Saint Nick. Now, a standard reindeer can pull no more then 300 pounds. Even if a flying reindeer can pull ten times more then a normal reindeer, Santa would need 214,200 reindeers to pull his sleigh. Altogether, the 214,200 reindeer, Santa , the gifts and the sleigh would weigh more than 353,430 tons, which is equal to four times the TITANIC! Impossible! Why? The 353,430 tons, travelling at a speed of 1000 km an hour would creat a huge air resistance , which would heat the reindeer just like a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The 2 leading reindeer would then absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy , per second , each. These leading reindeer , as a result of this , would then burst into flames , and so would the following ones and the reindeer behind them , creating a massive sonic boom. So the entire group of reindeer would be vaporized within 4.26 millionth of a second , exposing our friend Santa , who would be subject to centrifugal force 17,500 times greater than the force of gravity. Now assuming that Santa weighs a feeble 250 pounds , he would be squished in the back of the sleigh by 4,375,00 pounds of centrifugal force , and he would explode. So , if Santa Claus once did exist and distribute gifts to children on Christmas eve , he is now dead! Merry Christmas anyways!
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This is a hate crime.
Link Posted: 12/14/2001 9:56:45 AM EDT
Originally Posted By osprey21: Santa Claus is dead! So , if Santa Claus once did exist and distribute gifts to children on Christmas eve , he is now dead! Merry Christmas anyways!
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Or, Consider this: Santa has the technology to warp time and space. If so he could make toys and deliver toys all year around in his relative space-time. He would warp time to December 25th while his relative day would be changing. I believe Stephen Hawkings calls this the Santa Paradox.
Link Posted: 12/14/2001 10:53:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/14/2001 10:46:37 AM EDT by jhasz]
Originally Posted By QCMGR:
Originally Posted By osprey21: Santa Claus is dead! So , if Santa Claus once did exist and distribute gifts to children on Christmas eve , he is now dead! Merry Christmas anyways!
View Quote
Or, Consider this: ... I believe Stephen Hawkings calls this the Santa Paradox.
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no, no, no, those are his oncologist and his chiroprator (you may all groan now)... I think Hawkings calls it the Santa String Theory
Link Posted: 12/14/2001 12:29:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/14/2001 12:30:02 PM EDT by QCMGR]
Originally Posted By jhasz:
Originally Posted By QCMGR:
Originally Posted By osprey21: Santa Claus is dead! So , if Santa Claus once did exist and distribute gifts to children on Christmas eve , he is now dead! Merry Christmas anyways!
View Quote
Or, Consider this: ... I believe Stephen Hawkings calls this the Santa Paradox.
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no, no, no, those are his oncologist and his chiroprator (you may all groan now)... I think Hawkings calls it the Santa String Theory
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That reminds me of a good one: Einstein and Heisenburg are in a bar, Einstein say, “God did not place dice with the universe.” Heisenburg replies, “Don’t be so certain.” Boy, I love that one!
Link Posted: 12/14/2001 5:13:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Boomer: Seriously, though, don't you hate the asshole adults who think it is their duty to expose Santa as a fraud to young children?
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What? He's NOT real? Surely you MUST be joking! [>Q]
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