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Posted: 12/7/2001 9:27:53 AM EDT
THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES... A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless Americaninfidels.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 10:00:18 AM EDT
ROFLMAO THAT IS TRULY SOME FUNNY SHIT (lotta truth in there though)
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 10:31:24 AM EDT
AR15.COM: You have two cows. You ban one of them for posting pictures of bare udders in the "Heifer of the Day" thread, then spend the next six weeks in a flame war with the other cow. [;)]
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 10:41:44 AM EDT
COMMUNISM CHINESE STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you, and sends your next of kin a bill for the bullet.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 11:04:00 AM EDT
GUN GRABBER STYLE: You have two cows. Somewhere, someone gets sick from a bad hamburger. Government registers your cows. Later, government says you can only own one cow and one chicken. Government confiscates one of your cows, accidentally burning down your barn. When cow #2 wanders into the road, government arrests you and takes the cow. AYF agents eat your chicken.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 11:14:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Renamed: AR15.COM: You have two cows. You ban one of them for posting pictures of bare udders in the "Heifer of the Day" thread, then spend the next six weeks in a flame war with the other cow. [;)]
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Amen: Amen to that !!! Jay Arizona
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 8:18:18 PM EDT
A LIBERTARIAN: You have two cows. You form a limited partnership with your neighbor as financial backer, create a dairy, work hard, sell your herd's surplus milk at market prices, reinvest profits into the business, and end up making yourself and your neighbor very wealthy.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 8:34:12 PM EDT
The Atheist doesn't know whether cows exist.
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