Posted: 6/2/2008 5:37:41 AM EDT
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Two men were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car." "I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands "Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked. "Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that ass hole would've tried that crap with me'!" |
 
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Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.... He promptly called the local police station. "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,..."Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, .....but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin." |
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A Californian, a Texan, and a New Yorker, attending a convention in a little town just outside Las Vegas, were standing in a seedy bar enjoying a few drinks. The Californian grabbed his wine spritzer, knocked it back in one gulp, then he threw the glass against the back wall, smashing it to pieces. He told the other startled drinkers that the standard of living was so high in California that they never drank out of the same glass twice. Next the New Yorker finished drinking his Manhattan, and threw his glass against the back wall. He loudly proclaimed that in New York not only were they all are rich from banking and imports, he too never drank out of the same glass twice. Next the Texan drank his beer, drew a revolver, and shot the Californian and the New Yorker. As he was returning the gun to his holster, he told the wide-eyed bartender that in Texas they had so many New Yorkers and Californians that they never had to drink with the same ones twice. |