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3/26/2008 10:19:11 PM EDT
OK guys, here is a question that has befuddled me for many years now.

You wake up in the morning with Mr. Woodrow Happytime on full alert. We're talking fixed bayonets on a Mosin over here. At the same time you need to do an emergency flush of the ol' bilge tanks. How do you go about initiating release without causing collateral damage outside of the target area?
3/26/2008 10:19:58 PM EDT
[#1]
Methinks all the pee-pee experts can be found in the TX HTF.
3/26/2008 10:20:01 PM EDT
[#2]
stand like eight feet from the toilet
3/26/2008 10:20:22 PM EDT
[#3]
I rest my case.
3/26/2008 10:20:24 PM EDT
[#4]
Simple Geometry
3/26/2008 10:20:50 PM EDT
[#5]
lean foward
point down

but theres urnals in my dorm soooo
3/26/2008 10:21:34 PM EDT
[#6]

Quoted:
I rest my case.


thanks, but I would hardly call myself an "expert"
3/26/2008 10:22:06 PM EDT
[#7]
handstands.
3/26/2008 10:24:12 PM EDT
[#8]
Elaborate gutter system on the toilet tank.
3/26/2008 10:24:32 PM EDT
[#9]
backyard
3/26/2008 10:24:56 PM EDT
[#10]
excellent post!
3/26/2008 10:25:27 PM EDT
[#11]
So many big confusing words! I just stand, push the big bastard down, and piss. If the toilet bowl is not there, the rookie will clean it up!
3/26/2008 10:26:15 PM EDT
[#12]
You (stop playin' with it and) wait till it goes down

If you can't wait, then you do the 'contortionist'.
An early shower is an acceptable answer also.
3/26/2008 10:28:41 PM EDT
[#13]
Use the sink
3/26/2008 10:29:35 PM EDT
[#14]

Quoted:
I rest my case.



That fucking killed me... I don't think you could have planned it any better...
3/26/2008 10:30:18 PM EDT
[#15]
I just use the shower.
3/26/2008 10:31:26 PM EDT
[#16]
If Mr. happy died in his sleep, and rigor mortis has set in, the Wife better already be out of bed, or she be in trouble.......
3/26/2008 10:33:06 PM EDT
[#17]

Quoted:
You (stop playin' with it and) wait till it goes down



Woodrow usually likes to stay for breakfast.
3/26/2008 10:42:29 PM EDT
[#18]
The cold wind while I pee in the backyard usually does the trick.
3/26/2008 10:43:52 PM EDT
[#19]
IBTL

Bodily function posts are not going anywhere.
3/26/2008 10:45:58 PM EDT
[#20]
Push down and lean forward or sit.
3/26/2008 10:46:56 PM EDT
[#21]

Quoted:
If Mr. happy died in his sleep, and rigor mortis has set in, the Wife better already be out of bed, or she be in trouble.......


That usually ends in frustration if you have a full bladder
Its either too much motion for the ocean...
or you can't part the seas

either way, it's best to piss first.
OR... plan ahead, don't drink so much before bed
3/26/2008 10:46:59 PM EDT
[#22]

Quoted:

Quoted:
I rest my case.



That fucking killed me... I don't think you could have planned it any better...
3/26/2008 11:01:57 PM EDT
[#23]

Quoted:
We're talking fixed bayonets on a Mosin over here.


So THAT's what he meant by FIXED BAYONETS FORWARD!! What a homo.
3/26/2008 11:15:45 PM EDT
[#24]
It's the best part of the day. It's all downhill from there.
3/26/2008 11:19:24 PM EDT
[#25]
Im i the only one that doesnt get involuntary morningwood?
3/26/2008 11:22:25 PM EDT
[#26]

Quoted:
Im i the only one that doesnt get involuntary morningwood?


It is usually 50/50 for me, but it can be a sign of prostate problems if you do not achieve morning wood. A healthy male is suppose to have 5+ erections a night during his sleep cycle.
3/26/2008 11:24:01 PM EDT
[#27]

Quoted:
Im i the only one that doesnt get involuntary morningwood?



I really don't know the statistics on this.

I've had morning wood for as long as I can remember.
Its probably not every day, I don't pay much attention, but it happens regularly.
3/26/2008 11:24:58 PM EDT
[#28]

Quoted:
A healthy male is suppose to have 5+ erections a night during his sleep cycle.


Are you serious?

I had no idea that was happenin'.
3/26/2008 11:31:03 PM EDT
[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:
A healthy male is suppose to have 5+ erections a night during his sleep cycle.


Are you serious?

I had no idea that was happenin'.


From WebMd


Most men have 3 to 5 full erections during deep (rapid eye movement or REM) sleep. Men who do not have erections because of psychological problems can still have erections during deep sleep. Occasionally, some sleep problems or serious depression can prevent these normal nighttime (nocturnal) erections


There are tests you can take from your DR. to find out. It can be a sign of several different problems if you are not.
3/26/2008 11:33:04 PM EDT
[#30]
If I can't get the Girfriend frisky, or she didn't stay over I gotta play the contortion game. I'm satisfied if 40% gets in the bowl. Lucky for me she is frisky 19 of 20 mornings.
3/26/2008 11:34:09 PM EDT
[#31]

Quoted:

There are tests you can take from your DR. to find out. It can be a sign of several different problems if you are not.


Does he stay at my place or do I have to stay at his?
3/26/2008 11:36:20 PM EDT
[#32]

Quoted:

Quoted:

There are tests you can take from your DR. to find out. It can be a sign of several different problems if you are not.


Does he stay at my place or do I have to stay at his?


I think it is usually done in a cheap hotel room, you know, as neutral ground.
3/26/2008 11:39:03 PM EDT
[#33]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Quoted:

There are tests you can take from your DR. to find out. It can be a sign of several different problems if you are not.


Does he stay at my place or do I have to stay at his?


I think it is usually done in a cheap hotel room, you know, as neutral ground.



hmm... so I'd be billed for an outcall?


happy ending?  
3/26/2008 11:59:36 PM EDT
[#34]
Depends on how much I drink...sometimes I just piss myself in bed.




It took awhile for my wife to get used to it.  
3/27/2008 1:10:43 AM EDT
[#35]
Be careful pushing down.  The last time I tried it I got it almost pointed down far enough when my feet shot out from beneath me and I hit my chin on the edge of the toilet bowl.  Four stitches.
3/27/2008 1:57:02 AM EDT
[#36]
shower
3/27/2008 1:57:54 AM EDT
[#37]
This should be on the poll For the older folks here:

Get up, change diaper, go back to bed.
3/27/2008 2:22:14 AM EDT
[#38]
I pee off the porch.
3/27/2008 2:33:29 AM EDT
[#39]

Quoted:
I just use the shower.



+1  

someone who gets it  
3/27/2008 2:33:30 AM EDT
[#40]

Quoted:
Im i the only one that doesnt get involuntary morningwood?



Hey, I was 27 before I knew the darn thing could get soft.
And I cried.
3/27/2008 2:53:48 AM EDT
[#41]
I'm 36 and I have morning wood everyday and if I need to, the tub can be a lifesavor. In fact, I'm a morning person when it comes to sex as well. For some strange reason, I hardly get off at night but can stay hard for hours. Come morning though, I'll get off in less than 5 minutes. Go figure.
3/27/2008 3:41:54 AM EDT
[#42]
think of Hlllary naked until Mr. Woodrow Happytime stands down, then urinate normally
3/27/2008 3:45:11 AM EDT
[#43]
I stick it out the window and use neighbors toilet
3/27/2008 3:51:12 AM EDT
[#44]
I talk it down.
3/27/2008 3:59:46 AM EDT
[#45]

Quoted:
I rest my case.
3/27/2008 4:13:09 AM EDT
[#46]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Quoted:
A healthy male is suppose to have 5+ erections a night during his sleep cycle.


Are you serious?

I had no idea that was happenin'.


From WebMd


Most men have 3 to 5 full erections during deep (rapid eye movement or REM) sleep. Men who do not have erections because of psychological problems can still have erections during deep sleep. Occasionally, some sleep problems or serious depression can prevent these normal nighttime (nocturnal) erections


There are tests you can take from your DR. to find out. It can be a sign of several different problems if you are not.


Oh shit... Maryland is gonna have to see if I get morning wood so I can make gun purchases!
3/27/2008 4:14:53 AM EDT
[#47]
What about "Kneel and push down with palms"?
3/27/2008 5:46:03 AM EDT
[#48]
We don't do pee and poop threads.
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