Posted: 12/10/2007 9:45:38 PM EDT
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Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely When Johnny looked in the crib he said," What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes, the mother replied, "we are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision " "That's great," said little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses." |
This one is just sooo wrong, but so damned funny!  One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his Mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!" Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when its YOUR Mom, is it?!" |
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Miss daisy the teacher was teaching a class and asked her students to pick a number 1 through ten to describe the how good or gad things are. Little sally picked the mean old dog who chased hear and called it a two because it was mean to her. little peter said his grandmother was a nine, because she always gave him money, cookies, and a nice hug. Miss daisy picked several other students avoiding little Johnny who was known to be naughty in class. Finally she could no longer avoid little Johnny who kept raising his hand like the statue of liberty. She asked johnny for his number and he exclaimed: Urinate! Johnny, she gasped that is not appropriate. Just what do you mean?. Johnny replied, it you had bigger tits you would be a ten as it is your are an eight. Little Benny comes home from school one day with a black eye and dirty cloths. His mother asks him what happend to him. He replied that the boys at school called him a fag and beat on him. So what did you do Benny, his mother asked? Benny replied that he hit them with his Purse! There once was a land starved kingdom. The king cried we need more land! So the queen kicked him in the balls and asked: How's that for two achers? |
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One day in class the teacher was having "taste and texture" testing. So she blindfolded little Franky and gave him a slice of banana to taste and identify. "It's a banana!" said Franky. "Very good. Little Susie do you want to be next?" So she blindfolds little Susie and gives her a slice of an orange. "It an orange!" exclaimed little Suzie. "Very good. Little Billie?" She blind folds little Billie and gives him a Hersheys Kiss. Little Billy rolls it around in his mouth but can't quite identify it. So the teacher gives him a clue. "It's what your mother gives your father before he leaves for work." "Spit it out, Billy!" screams little Johnny. "IT'S A PIECE OF ASS!!" |
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A teacher asks here class, if there are three birds of a wire and you shoot one of them with a bb gun, how many birds are left of the wire. Little johnny raises his hands and says none. Astounded the teacher asks Johnny how did he come up with that. Johnny responds one of the birds is hit and falls and the other two are scared off by the report. Impressed, the teacher says that is very good Johnny, I like the way you think. Then Johnny asks the teacher a question. Teacher, imagine three women coming out of an ice cream parlor. The first is eating a cup of ice cream, the second is munching on an ice cream sandwhich and the third is joyfully licking an ice cream cone with her tongue, now which one is married? Flustered the teacher responds, the woman licking the ice cream cone with her tongue. Little johnny responds, no its the one wearing the wedding ring. But, that is ok teacher because I like the way you think. |
| The teacher is going around the room asking each child to come up with a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet. Sally says "Animal", Billy says "Butter, Chrissy says "Christmas", and so on. She avoids Johnny knowing what kind of trouble he can be, but he's practically jumping up and down at every letter want to participate. She gets to "R" and thinks to herself "there really aren't any bad words that start with R, so what the heck" and calls on Johnny. Johnny stands up and says "rat". The teacher, impressed that he contained himself says "Nice word Johnny!". He replies "Yep....A big fuckin' rat with a dick THHHIIIIISSSS long!" |
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One day the teacher asked each student to come to the board and draw something that really excites them. Little Suzie was the first one up and drew a squiggly line on the board. The teacher asked."What is that Suzie?" The little girl said "It's a lightning bolt. Lightning gets me excited." Next, little Johnny went to the board and put a little dot right in the middle of the chalk board. The teacher asked," Johnny, just what is that"? Johnny replied "It's a period." Puzzled, the teacher asked "Well just how does a period get you excited"? Little Johnny replied, "I don't know; but my sister missed one and EVERYONE got excited". Little Johnny ran into class one day and exclaimed "Hey! This guy was just crossing the street outside and a car came up and hit him right in the ass"! The teacher responded "Jonny, we say rectum". Johnny replied "Rectum?.....DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM!" |