[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chicago (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:47:25 AM EDT
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First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd. , otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga. Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Naperville , and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago . We all drive like that. All directions start with, "I-94" .. which has no beginning and no end. The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare). All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,"Oh, we're in Cicero !" If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks or Caddys have the right of way. Period. First Ave , LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (only a few of many examples). If asking directions in Cicero you must speak Spanish. If you stop to ask directions on the West side you'd better be armed. A trip across town (East to West) will take a minimum of four hours. Although many expressways (they are not freeways), have posted speed limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less...get the hell out of the left lane. The wrought iron on windows in Englewood , Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental. The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR. If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago". If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley Field or Comiskey Park now US Cellular Field. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round. If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run...... Chicago , there's no place like it! You might be from Chicago if.... * You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois . * You become irate at people who do! * You measure distance in minutes. * You have no problem spelling or pronouncing " Des Plaines ". * Your school classes were cancelled because of the cold. * Your school classes were cancelled because of the heat. * You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. * Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. * You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. (Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I wanna go with," * You can locate ! Illinois on the United States map. * You carry jumper cables in your car. * "You drink "soda" * You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. * You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway". * You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, Reagan, Bishop Ford and now the Jane Addams (I-190, it was just named a few weeks ago). * You refer to anything South of I-80 as " Southern Illinois " and anything west of Rt. 47 Iowa. * You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." * You refer to Chicago as "The City." * No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downton" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago. * You buy "The Trib." * You know what goes on a " Chicago " Hot Dog....and you are permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog. * You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. * You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City." * You understand what "lake-effect" means. * You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at (oops ...ending preposition again). * You have ridden the "L." * You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815. * You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpets. |
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Having lived in either the city or a certain suburb which touches the Austin District my whole life, I feel that I am qualified enough to comment on this ketchup/hot dog thing. It's not a polish, it's a hot dog - hoof, joint cartilidge and asshole meat all ground up. Ketchup on a dog is absolutely acceptable. |
youtube.com/watch?v=imnNZiPwaCg Don't forget... you might be a Chicagoan if you haven't moved, but your area code has changed from 312 to 708 to 630 to 331. Other area codes now: 779, 224 (and soon to add 464 and 872) |
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You missed this. When going south on I-94 it says EAST!!! When going north on I-94 it says WEST!!! Hillary Rodham Clinton  lived and went to High school in Park Ridge IL., a suburb of Chicago near DesPlaines. I know, I attended there at the approx. same time 62-66
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I decided to leave when my area code went from 312 to 708 and then to 847 without ever moving. The Empire carpet thing cracked me up. Ketchup on your dog is NOT permitted. Period. Outside of Northern Illinois, apparently Italian Beef has a different meaning. I haven't had a decent pizza since I left that god-forsaken place. 
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It used to drive to the point of homocidal rage, that all the highway signs only seemed to refer to the highways by NUMBER, but all the traffic reports on the radio only referred to them by name.   To this day I still cannot remember which is the Eisenhower and which is the Dan Ryan.  |
Eisenhower aka "Ike"= I-290 Dan Ryan= I-90/94 and I-94 south of the "Chicago Skyway" which is I-90 North of the downtown area it turns into "The Kennedy" Expressway. Edens= I-94 Tri-State Tollway= I-294 and then I-94 north of the "Edens Spur" Northwest Tollway is also I-90 East-West Tollway is I-88(Reagan Tollway) Stevenson Expressway=I-55 Bishop Ford Freeway, formerly "Calumet Expressway"-I-94 past a I-57 and I-94 split The "Borman Expressway" is I-80-94 going into Indiana. The following are not named I-57 south of I-94(the aforementioned Dan Ryan) I-80 DK, yes I know, it's terribly confusing to a newcomeer. |
No - I still had that problem after living in Chicago for five years! We can't all have your memory! 
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I remember in the Sun Times maybe last year IIRC they did a write up about the guy that was in that commercial. This guy was like in his 20's at the time and now he's 45 and he drives a truck. |
 MTUSA: Al's operates in a chain now all over the place. Good stuff. |
It sure beats the stares you get from bringing a dead one to the ballet I bet 
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Last winter I took a date to see the Nutcracker (ballet) and halfway through the 2nd act... she turns and asks me, "Are they going to say anything?" Uncultured heathen! That was our last date
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The traffic in and around Chicago is the worst I've had the displeasure of driving in. Worse than Orlando, DFW, LA, Detroit and Norfolk. Some good things about that town are the clear channel radio stations. WLS carries all the way up here to north east Michigan. Kevin Matthews is the most consistantly funniest guy to ever hit the air. youtube.com/watch?v=NkIfdw1lzGs |
I hope you don't think kev is still in Chicago....hes back in michigan (Last I heard)...he was a funny M-Fer though |
i live in Alsip---section 8's have turn some parts of it to shit |
Hudson32700  that was a long time ago--like 30 years ago!LOL anyone remember Harry Shmermer Ford--"Rock a bye a baby" how about sunday morning wrestling live from the chicago ampatheater on channel 44(before cable tv) sponsored by "one stop ribs" and "moo & oink" |
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As a former Chicago area native, I know for a fact that carbonated drinks are NOT refered to as soda, rather pop. Soda is a New York thing. But you are right about Naperville. Damn, that town grew fast in the '80's. Anyone else remember the water shortages and brownouts? |
Do I remember the wrestling? Hell yes! My dad even named our dog "Moose" in honor of Moose Cholak! |