Posted: 10/19/2006 3:05:42 PM EDT
Some dip-weed Public Defender sent me a subpoena today It says I am named as a witness and have to be at the courthhouse in the AM. WTF?!?! I don't even know who the defendant is. I have been calling them all day and can't get anybody on the phone. I have to many f#$ing ARs to buy I need to be making money not dealing with this crap. Ok,I'm done |
I feel sorry for the poor bastard this Public Defender is representing because he's a total and complete idiot. The first rule in courtroom testimony is never ask a witness a question that you don't already know the answer for. This guy is going to put you on the stand and has no idea what type of damaging statements you're going to make about his client. And after that the D.A. gets to question you so he can bury the defendant even further. Even if this is for a deposition, the P.D. should have definitely talked to you at length first to see if you're going to help or hurt his case before adding you to the witness list. If it turns out that the defendant is a friend of yours and you don't feel like helping the D.A. hang him, there's a few things you can do. First and foremost NEVER LIE. Not only is it a crime, but it will make you look bad so anything you might say that would be helpful will be disregarded by the jury. Once you get caught in a lie, even a tiny one, your credibility is shot and opposing council will hang you out to dry. What you CAN do is "forget" - say things like "Gee, I don't recall" and "I'm just not sure..." or "Sorry, I don't know." A real good one is "If I had to take a guess at it, I'd have to say..." Don't worry about finishing that sentence because the P.D. will object before that and the judge will uphold it. Of course if it's somebody who fucked you in the past feel free to start singing like a bird!!  And don't forget to ask about Witness Fees.
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I found out what the deal is I was in line at a 7-11 last year and the guy next to me give them a bad check. The bonehead that worked there gave the DA my name from a credit card slip and said I saw the hole thing  WTF!?! btw:The Judge asked the Public Defender if he needed a cup of coffie to wake up before he tryed to call another witness 
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