Posted: 10/16/2006 10:45:02 AM EDT
| A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" He says, "Okay, Get in the car with it." She asks, "Where will I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there." "But what about the smell?" "Just hold it's nose." The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene. |
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Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place ......... smack his ass again!" |
| A blonde called her friend in tears "It' terrible! I'm trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle of a tiger, but nothing looks like a tiger! Nothing! And the pieces don't even fit together!" Her friend came over and saw her sitting at the table in tears. She said "Calm down and stop crying. I'm going to make a nice pot of tea, okay? Then we'll put the cornflakes back in the box. |
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The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the Ass and say!, WHO'S HORNYYY!????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep |
This would make a little bit more sence if it was Frosted Flakes...which has a tiger on the box, instead of Corn Flakes which has a rooster on the box. |