Posted: 9/19/2006 1:38:56 PM EDT
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I'm on Facebook. I was in a group and someone said something about Brody Ruckus that was identical to what an Arfcommer said that evening. So I send a message to him, asking in a roundabout way: 09.08.06 Jake: Are you 87? 09.08.06 Benjamin: Am I 87? I'm not sure what you're asking. 09.08.06 Jake: You failed to display the secret handshake. You are banned from contacting me again. 09.08.06 Benjamin: I have no clue what you are talking about. Also, I don't know any secret handshakes and I'm not in any secret organizations. And, you contacted me first. I never contacted you until you asked me, "Are you 87?" 09.09.06 Jake: You said something in a group that made me thnk you were from THE SECRET ORDER OF 87 and apparently I was wrong. Please leave me alone before Heavy Six finds out. 09.09.06 Benjamin: Who the hell is heavy six? 09.15.06 2:49pm Jake: He is the ultimate weapon, forged from the fryers of Mount Dunkin. I'm serious. Please leave me alone. 09.15.06 9:35pm Benjamin: Why do you want me to leave you alone? It's just a Facebook message. And, your messages are amusing me. Thanks for the entertainment. Please keep it coming. Where the hell is Mount Dunkin? And do you mean forged from the "fires," not "fryers?" 09.18.06 7:04pm Jake: No damnit, I mean FRYERS of Mount Dunkin. Mount Dunkin, the lair of Heavy Six. Mount Dunkin, whose approaches are guarded by the inestimable girth of Sergeant Sugercookie. Where is Mount Dunkin? Well it's only a memory now since Heavy Six destroyed it during a coffee typhoon. This isn't amusing and this isn't entertainment. This is dead serious. The ghost of the SEC is probably watching RIGHT NOW and reporting everything back to Piccolo. EVERYTHING. You need to keep you and your family safe. You need to duct tape some trauma plates to your chest. One in the front, two in back. ALWAYS TWO IN THE BACK! You never know when people are going to start voting from the rooftops. When you get your wife and kids stashed away someplace safe I want you to pull your wife aside and SIIHPAPP. If you don't know that means I don't think I can help you. Stop writing me and go back to your stupid assault wheelbarrow before someone gives you a Tag of the Dead and you find out that there is no cover from buffalo hunters. Does BHOT mean anything to you, Benjamin Hughes? Get both . . . 09.18.06 11:45pm Benjamin: I don't have a wife and kids. But, I am continuing to be amused by your funny emails. Please keep them coming. Please tell the ghost of the SEC that I'm laughing at him right now. 09.19.06 5:31pm Jake: The SEC is not something to laugh about. That man had a Seeing Eye Cat to guide him through his days and now over a year has passed since the SEC died. Rest in peace. I'm not amused. If you are on Facebook I recommed finding him and pestering him about Heavy Six. |
