Posted: 8/6/2006 5:57:51 AM EDT
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This whole thing is just a bad situation that I want to forget. -Foxxz |
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Ever had someone who was a friend but constantly let you down or just seemed like they didn't care? Someone who, despite your best efforts not please them, usually disappoints you and then doesn't seem to care? I suppose they aren't very good friends to have. Was is the operative word. Let me down once, well, things happen. Let me down twice, they are not much of a friend, are they? You know what a friend is? It's someone you can call and they will come over and help you move. YOu know what a REAL friend is? It's someone you can call and they will come over and help you move a body. And bring their own shovel. |
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Yes, unfortunately. A good friend and I planned a week-long hiking/backpacking trip for late May. We started planning in January, getting gear and stuff together; it was also SHTF planning of a sort, as I wasn't prepared at all for evac at the time. It was much more difficult for me to plan for it financially than it was for him, as he's single and has more income. At any rate, "things came up" for him due to some poor financial decisions and purchases (not all were entirely his fault - shit happens, and we knew it would be dependant on his work schedule), and we still haven't gone. We likely won't. I'm pretty disappointed, as I'd been really looking forward to the trip. ETA: For 'small stuff' I've never had problems with friends, generally because I've got few friends and I pick them wisely. There's a dirth of quality people out there. Even for a one-time disappointment as you describe, I'd at least talk to him about it. Don't write him off that quick. |
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No your not a jerk. I have a friend that decided not to go to a concert with us (my other friends and I) And he needed the money he had paid for tickets so he sold them to......... My ex-wife, so there I was trying to enjoy the Toadies when my ex-wife walks up and sits next to me in her assigned seat. Who the hell wants to go to a rock concert with thier ex-wife? |
Exactly. I can count on one hand the number of people I assign the term 'friend' to. These are people whom I can call, and who can call me, at any time of day, ask for any favor within reason, and expect to get it no questions asked. |
Ditto! |
| Some of the people here have a real twisted idea of what a friend is. Friendship based on service, as in if you do not do what I want, when I want, even if you said you would, you are not my friend, is the kind of cr*p I expect a 5 year old to play, not an adult. I do not expect anything from anyone. A friendship is like a tree, it starts out as a little sapling, easy to kill, but, if it lasts, it can become a Redwood, able to survive anything Mother Nature can dish out. People today expect Redwood strength, in a saplings time and are upset when they do not get what they think they deserve. |
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Every so often one has to take a look at the people they are friends with and ask themselves, "Am I putting in all the effort to maintain this friendship?" Over the years I have seen people just kinda fall off the radar screen. I dont have the time or interest in finding out way. People change, grow, move on. I expect drama from girlfriends and wives....I dont need drama with guys. If someone cant live up to expectations you simply have to learn to not expect anything from them any longer. You have nothing to feel bad about. If something isnt working for you, change it or accept it. |
| I call them 'fair weather friends'. They only really play the friend when they need something, but are never available when the roles are reversed. I hate people like that, and after having been burned by several in the past, and simply won't be friends with people like that in the future. |
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You're being half reasonable and half a jerk. You're being reasonable because your friend committed to something and hasn't fulfilled the committment. You're being a jerk because you don't know the circumstances of him not showing up nor responding to your calls. If he's passed out from a late night of drunkeness, that is inexcuseable. If he got in a car wreck...well, that is excuseable. Also, since you are the one who wanted his services as well as you having a pre-determined window of time for the trip and when to show up, it is up to YOU to have control of the entire situation. By this, I mean you should have set the arrangements so you would pick up your friend at his residence, not have him come to yours -- even if it is out of your way. |
I wouldnt quite call that being a jerk, because when says they are going to be there at a time that you have laid out and given you there word and there an hour late and they dont even give you the courtesy of a phone call, thats kinda fucked up. |
Rides to where ever, borrowing money after telling a sob story, drinking your beer/pop, and smoking your cigarettees... that come to a halt in a hurry! |
Difference of opinion then. If a friend were to get in a car wreck en route to my place, I'd easily forgive him. If he were still passed out in a pool of his own vomit when knowing in advance that he'd made a committment to me, then I'd discuss the value of friendship with him. |
| I can understand your anger, but you should find out why before writing the person off completely. If he is being a jerk, then drop him. In a true friendship, both parties respect each other. I have dropped friends because they were disrespectful and the relationship became one-sided. One thing I know about myself is that I am a really good friend. Unfortunately, I've found that a lot of people don't value a good friend the way that I do. I find that the same is true in many other types of relationships as well. I am reminded of a relationship that I had back in college, that I characterized as what can Steve and 9X19 do to make Steve happy, and he was surprised when I dumped him. I learned a lot from that experience: "Fooled me once, shame on you; fooled me twice, shame on me." |
Yes. VERY much so. Always there in their time of need but they basically turned their backs when shit was down for us. How do you explain to a child that the person they thought was a dear friend never was there? That was fun.  It's OK Karma is a bitch. Now to answer your question about are you a jerk... well if you are going to base it on this ONE incident... yes. Just learn from it and kow you cannot count on them... but if this person adds nothing to the friendship... why are you still calling on them? For every minute you hang with a useless oxygen theif is one less minute you could hang with someone of quality and INTEGRITY. |
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I had friends like that (operative word being had). I don't put up with it anymore. I lose friends more than some people, but when I say I'm going to do something I do it. If I can't, I pick up a fucking phone. It's not rocket science, it's just basic simple common courtesy. |
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I've got two friends who let me down constantly. I've known one for about 8 years now and the other 6. Anyway, friend #1. A while ago, probably a year or so, we were all playing poker at a friend's house. Friend #1 says he has to leave to go put gas in his truck. He leaves and an hour later calls, saying, "The gas here is too expensive so I'm going to the other side of town." An hour after that he calls back saying "There was an accident and I got stuck in traffic." An hour after that he calls back with some other excuse, and ends up coming back to the house. Turns out he went to go visit his girlfriend (who's a controlling bitch BTW). He apologized and said he didn't want us to make fun of him spending time with his gf. Skip to a few weeks ago. He now lives a couple hours away and I had invited him to come down to watch an MMA event (I think it might have been WFA). I invited him on Friday and he said he should be able to make it since he didn't have plans for Saturday. On Saturday the event started and he hadn't showed up yet. I was recording it on my DVR so it wasn't a huge problem if he was late. I called him and he said his family dragged him to a concert and he couldn't get out of it. I said that's alright, I understand. Fast forward to yesterday. I look at his Myspace page and his gf has posted a bunch of pics of them together at the concert. I have two problems. First, he canceled our plans without even telling me to spend time with his gf. At least call me to let me know. Secondly, why blame it on family instead of just being honest and saying it was his gf? This kind of thing happens constantly with him. On the few occasions that we can get all the guys together now that everybody's at different colleges, he always leaves 3 or 4 hours before everybody else because his gf demands to see him, even though she sees him every other night. I probably wouldn't even care if it wasn't for the fact that this girl is so fucking evil. But that's another story. My other friend is an asshole. He's the kind of guy who laughs at retarded/disabled people. I take him shooting all the time and he's never volunteered a dime for gas money, ammo money, or anything like that. I even taught his gf to shoot. I wouldn't even care if he just invested himself into shooting by getting a shotgun or something. Whenever I tell him about a good deal going on a gun, he just says "I'll get it someday when I feel like it." Back in our high school days, he lived in a town half an hour away and didn't have a car, so I always drove over there to pick him up. I drove him back and forth all the time. And yet on many occasions, when we'd get the group together to hang out, he'd decide not to come for whatever reason. He hangs out at my house all the time, yet I've only been to his house twice. One was years ago and the other was because his gf invited me for a surprise birthday party. We're both big fans of MMA. I order every UFC and Pride fight. For whatever reason, my cable company stopped offering Pride events. When the Open Weight Grand Prix came along, I offered to pay for the pay per view if we could watch it at his house since I couldn't get it at mine. He said no and wouldn't give me a reason why not (and he's never offered to split the pay per view cost for however many events he's watched at my place). He also treats his girlfriend like shit. She keeps coming back for more thought. And I know that the only reason he does it is because he believes in the theory that the worse you treat women, the more they want you. I guess he's right. Maybe I'm making something out of nothing but I always thought these guys were brothers to me. I don't want them to dump their gfs and change their lives so we can hang out all the time, but they just seem to take everything I've ever done for granted. |
I am guilty of being late all the time... Know what my wife does? If we have to be somewhere at 7:00 she tells me that we have to be there at 6:30. So far its been working. 
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ive been burned enough times by people i thought were friends when i was younger. i think its made my being able to gain friendships that much harder. that being said ive only had one person (a shooting buddy) id considder a friend, ive known him almost 10 years. quality of quantity i guess 
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I was burned by long time friends, several months ago. We had a fallout over the most STUPID shit. I tried for a long time to make things better, then decided to just walk away when they couldn't let it go, and did things to hurt me. I've never done anything to hurt them. Its funny now, how they try to make it seem that I was at fault.  Sometimes walking away, and living well are all you can do. |
You mean like my 'good friend' and roommate who decided to bang my girlfriend while I was at work? Yeah. Or the other good friend that screwed over two other mutual friends by getting involved with their girlfriends? Yeah.. one of those, too. I've had a lot of friends in the last few years, and most of them turn out to be pieces of shit that I can't believe I ever associated with. It's surprising how many people are just assholes, or inconsiderate, or whatever else. With all the people in the world, you'd think that there would be more that are good at being real friends. I've got a couple of close friends that would help me out of a bind or do whatever I asked them (within reason) without ever thinking twice... but the number is small enough to count on one hand. The other list of "friends" that can't be considered "real friends" is fairly large, and always growing. It's good to have a lot of people to do things with or hang out with or talk to, but real, great friends seem to be one in a million. |
The TRUE test that I knew who my best friend was happened 15 years ago. This guy I KNOW would go to the end of the earth for me (and he did) and vice versa. Now good friends I have quite a few. I had a buddy of mine that fooled around with my GF when we were in HS... true we didnt talk for 6 months but made up and still friends 20+ years later. I guess it depends on the circumstances. then again that crap went down when we were 17 years old. |