Posted: 7/10/2006 1:22:35 PM EDT
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Quirky piece I came across while getting my daily fix of opinion articles. Second Hand Liberalism Written by Gabriel Garnica Saturday, July 08, 2006 First they tell us that second hand smoke can kill us and then they tell us in a recent study that second hand is even more dangerous than previously thought, prompting Jay Leno to ask what is even worse than death. Well, just as second hand smoke is inhaling surrounding smoking, second hand liberalism is accepting and embracing surrounding liberalism and, believe me, second hand liberalism is as dangerous to the mind as second hand smoke is to the body. Actually Worse than Liberalism Believe it or not, second hand liberalism is actually inferior to original liberalism. Second hand liberals (SHL) typically choose their liberal leanings not as a result of an unfortunate error in judgment like original liberals do, but rather as a lazy or clueless effort to appear thoughtful without any of the cerebral sweat required to be thoughtful. Despite what you may think of liberals, you have to admit that many of them actually have a brain and think things through using some semblance of rational and deep analysis. While it is clear that somewhere along the line this thinking process takes a bad turn or sinks into the mud of rationalization and empty logic, at least one has to admit that some kind of thought has been involved. The typical SHL, however, usually accepts and even embraces liberalism not as a result of some profound rational journey but more as a consequence of a knee jerk (emphasis on jerk) reaction or whim. Often this poor soul is surrounded by many liberals and feels both the pressure and the need to latch on to some slice of thought or else be branded an imbecile. Many times the SHL realizes that there are many things in liberalism that apparently favor lazy, clueless, amoral, rationalizing atheists with the skills of a used car salesperson and, absent the intellectual foundation of a regular liberal, jump on the bandwagon. Clearly, the SHL is a liberal-light, absent the weight of thought and hence more impaled in the idiotic spins of liberalism. While one may certainly respect the intelligent, thoughtful liberal, one can only feel sorry for the moron who claims to be a liberal while merely wearing the liberal jacket as an attempt to cover himself from the glare of a label as an imbecile. How Does this Tragedy Happen? There are clearly three distinct ways that a SHL can be hatched. One way is for a person with no intellectual predisposition to be born and raised in a liberal household. Said person eventually feels the need to fill the empty space between her ears with something resembling thought. Latching on the familiar family orientation toward liberalism, this person proudly proclaims herself a liberal and goes out and celebrates with a latte. The second way that our society can be blessed with yet another SHL is for liberals to actively push their views on children, relatives or friends. The ideal target will once again be someone who thinks that discovering new ways to tie shoes is an intellectual enterprise. Being a walking example of the clean slate concept this person is a ready vessel to absorb anything even resembling knowledge and thought. I have come across such people who gladly and aggressively argue points that they cannot even support or justify since they have never thought about what they believe but have merely taken the beliefs of others or their parents like some dysfunctional, irrational inheritance. The final way that one can create a SHL is to spawn and spread a society drenched in laziness, ambivalence, apathy and imbecility and then convince its members that they actually have two thoughts to rub together and deserve to have said thoughts heard. Next, one convinces these people that their thoughts are somehow profound, unique and contribute to their society. Finally, one assures these fools that they have a divine mission or crusade to enlighten and save society. Such people will be nature gravitate toward liberalism since only liberalism provides such ready access to its borders. Dim Horizon The only thing more troubling than the existence of SHLs is the future implied by their continued spread and reproduction. As SHLs mate and have children their numbers will increase dramatically until eventually original, thoughtful liberals will disappear from the face of the earth. Soon the vast majority if not all liberals will be driveling drones drooling with liberal mantras without the nearest clue why, how and where they got their views in the first place. Certainly, such people will increasingly be unable to defend or justify their positions or beliefs and will instead resort to idiotic and senseless drivel since any semblance of logic or rational basis for what comes out of their mouths never came from their own minds to begin with. The good news for conservatives, however, is that as the ranks of liberals increasingly shift from original liberals to SHLs, the collective intelligence of the liberal position will shrink. Eventually a simple tongue twister will be enough to render most liberals incapacitated. Conclusion Second hand liberalism is a spreading threat within the liberal community that threatens to turn the tables on the typical liberal claim that most conservatives are simple-minded. Left unchecked, this threat will eventually make liberalism even more senseless, mindless and dysfunctional than it already is. As good conservatives it is our job to make sure that SHLs not only survive but thrive within liberalism so as to ensure many years of shooting fish in a pail every four years. About the Writer: Gabriel Garnica, Esq., is an educator, licensed attorney, and resident of Long Island, New York. As a conservative Latino college professor working in New York City, Mr. Garnica feels that his picture is found in the dictionary under the term "exception." He can be contacted at [email protected]. 
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