[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Female logic (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 4/30/2006 2:22:18 PM EDT
Her dogs get into my trash while I'm taking her and her son out for ice cream, and it's my fault 
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| Yea, bail out. It's not your fault, it's the dog's fault, which by default is her fault for not training the dog correctly. If she cant see that, then this is only the beginning. Unless you can correct this problem...you got to come down hard on every bitchy thing she does (and she will probably dump you because you don't "respect" her), eithor way you are better off. |
What... how.... you can't be serious. You mean shop for the ingredients and everything, too? And what about coffee? And who would make the bed? And you think vacuum cleaners just run themselves? How would I find my stuff? How would my socks get from the floor back into the drawers, all folded and clean? That's crazy talk, Dude... 
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Female "logic"- If you have a penis, it's your fault. No matter if she's the one who did it despite knowing better, it's your fault for not following her everywhere she goes and preventing her from doing stupid things, like breaking your bowling trophy using it as a hammer to hang up that nice picture. Even if it's completely beyond your control, you're the man so you have to take the blame. |
Naw, just read below. Things That Men Wished Women Knew 1. Crying is blackmail. 2. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! 3. Figure out which hairstyle suits you best and stick with it for the rest of your life. Changing your hairstyle six or seven times a year DOES NOT bring new "PAZAZZ" into your relationship. It just makes men wonder why you're so fickle, dizzy and generally mixed up. 4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 5. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.. 6. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 7. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 8. You have too many clothes. You have too many shoes. 9. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 10. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down. 11. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a planning calandar in bold, red ink. 12. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 13. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 14. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 15. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 16. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 17. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 19. Let us stare at other women. If we don't check-out your competition, how can we know how pretty you are? 20. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 21. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both. 22. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 23. Nothing says "I love you" like sex so keep yourself in shape if you want sex. 24. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 26. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. 27. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 28. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. 29. What the hell is a doily? 30. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 31. Check your oil. 32. If you're a woman who needs "around the clock lovin", you need to understand one basic characteristic that all men have. It's this: Most men are only capable of 'lovey dovey' feelings for about 10 seconds each day. Those 10 seconds are usually divided up into 5 second intervals. The 5 second intervals are broken down into a series of 1 second events that occur in a man's mind. It goes like this: – He needs one second to think about you. – Another second to figure out that he still loves you. – Another second to decide to give you a little kiss on the cheek. – Another second to actually give you the kiss you on the cheek. – He then needs one second to give you a little smile and then go off and do something else. That's about as good as it gets. If your husband or boyfriend gives you a kiss on the cheek, consider it to be a miraculous and fantastic act of love, generosity and kindness. That's one of the ways men show their affection. If you really need "around the clock lovin'", consider getting a girlfriend. She'll, no doubt, have more understanding for your needs than a man will. 33. Men know that women know their breasts are going to sag as they get older. If you've got a sagging breasts problem, consider plastic surgery. 34. Most men don't stay "in love" for life. They live with you. They get used to you. You become a friend not a lover. Again, that's as good as it gets. 35. If you don't exercise, eat too many of the wrong foods and generally let your body go down the tubes over the years, don't expect sex from your man. Most men like tight butts and slim bodies. Women with soft, flabby bodies have the same effect sexually that a man experiences when he jumps into ice cold water. His penis tries to crawl up inside of him to get warm. 36. Most men know they chase women because they want sex and/or want to have kids. Men also know that most women chase men because they want sex, kids and/or someone to take care of them. The important word in this little "adage" is "most". Not "all". 37. Most men know that first and foremost women want sex. Most men know that you want to be handled gently. Everything else you "say" you want is a result of authority figures in your lives. Most of you have believed what they've "taught" you. The point is that most men know that you are human beings just like us. You have the same desires as we do so please be so kind as to 'cut the crap'. |
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I can't believe no one has said this yet: Pull a JBT and shoot the stupid dog! Then demand respect. And whenever she complains about something, just shoot the problem. Woman - "Honey, the washing machine is making noises like it's dying..." Man - *Blammo!* Woman - "Honey, my car won't start." Man - *Blammo!* Woman - "Not tonight, I have a headache..." Man - *Blammo!* She should catch on eventually. 
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Women don't want/believe in confrontation, but argue with you anyway.  Women who are wrong will always try to have the last word because they know they are wrong and putting a few words in crosswise at the end makes them feel better, but doesn't set things right. |