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Posted: 3/23/2006 6:21:01 AM EDT
As a result of the shooting incident in Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Services:


Sec 370.01

Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational (non-commercial) purposes.

Sec 370.02

Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

Sec 370.03

Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies and vermin.

Sec 370.04

The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

Sec 370.05

It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

Sec 370.06

It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

Sec 370.07

It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.

Sec 370.08

It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on Saturday and Sunday.

Sec 370.09

If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess the same. Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.

Sec 370.10

It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, and chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Sec 370.11

Bag and Possession Limits per day:

Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2

Two-faced tortfeasors, 1

Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3

Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2

Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4

Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can normally be identified because they do not wear Rolex watches, drive a Porsche, BMW or other expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and $1500 suits.

Good hunting!

Link Posted: 3/23/2006 6:22:13 AM EDT
Honest attorneys, seems like those two words should be in completely different paragraphs!
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 6:32:28 AM EDT


Ah stand heer beefoe this auGUST body to propose an amenmint to this impoetant legizlashun.

The term "attorney" shall apply to those persons known as:

Shyster

Mouthpiece

an any uthah dee-rogatoy term imployed by the genral publik.

Ah thank yew.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 6:34:26 AM EDT
good morning.

thanks, OP. rotflmao.

'honest attorneys' is an oxymoron. it don't happen in this world.

peace.
billr
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 6:39:38 AM EDT
O_P, any word on hunting at night and or spot lighting? Is Night vision equipment allowed for harvesting?


Link Posted: 3/23/2006 9:23:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jj01:
O_P, any word on hunting at night and or spot lighting? Is Night vision equipment allowed for harvesting?





Sure.

They are considered 'non-game.'
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 9:24:20 AM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 9:27:47 AM EDT
them's NOT good eating!
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 9:30:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:
them's NOT good eating!



Yes, for sure. They cannot be cleaned as they are full of shit.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 9:39:51 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 12:41:35 PM EDT
A bump for the lawyers.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 12:43:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:
A bump for the lawyers.


They're busy.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 12:52:18 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin:

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:
A bump for the lawyers.


They're busy.



Filing a lawsuit for definition of character.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 1:01:00 PM EDT
Good one, O_P!

Let's put Divorce Attorneys at the top of the list!

HH
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 2:11:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By HoustonHusker:
Good one, O_P!

Let's put Divorce Attorneys at the top of the list!

HH



I would recommend a bounty.
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