Jehovah's Witnesses - Page 2

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Jehovah's Witnesses (Page 2 of 2)

Posted: 3/18/2006 6:33:52 PM EDT

[#1]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Door bell rings 8pm I just back from hunting trip. While I cleaning my AR15 the door bell rings. My mom keeps screaming get the door and I got you get the door and she's like I don't know who it is. O, and I do Before I go down the stairs I grab a 30 round mag from next to my safe (It was empty). I get to the door and open it.
Me: Who the fuck are you.
Them: We are morons.
Me: Morons you say?
Them: Moroms.
Mom: who is it.
Me: It's the fuckin morons.
Me: What do you want.
Them: We want to tell you that God is returning soon.
Me: Why do you think I have this gun.

Slams door thats it.

I'm so going to hell.

Not to change the subject of this thread but......................How old are you big man? Your momma told you to get the door, and you had an AR-15 (airsoft) in your hands so you told the nice Mormon boys to F...off? You didn't hear them correctly and thought they said "morons". You funny boy, did you leave out the part when your momma slapped you upside your head for swearing? Or was this whole story made up to sound like a tough guy?

He wont be answering you. His account has been locked (yay!).

He said he was almost 17 in another thread. I think maybe a reincarnation of FOX-

Posted: 3/18/2006 6:34:51 PM EDT

[#2]

I have a co-worker that's JW. He says if you ask to be put on their "do not call" list, they'll leave you alone for about a year.

Posted: 3/18/2006 6:37:01 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
I have a co-worker that's JW. He says if you ask to be put on their "do not call" list, they'll leave you alone for about a year.

Ask him if they have any sort of "demon" list that makes them leave you alone for ever.

Posted: 3/18/2006 6:37:20 PM EDT

[#4]

I gew up with a Kingdom Hall directly across the street from me. Boy was that fun on Sunday mornings.

They finally left me alone when I told them I was a Satanist.

On another occaision, my mother was working (her dental office was upstairs) and they came calling. One of her patients was an extremely intelligent and extremely devout Christian scholar and lawyer. She invited them in to make their pitch.

The guy thorouhly steam-cleaned their clocks.

Posted: 3/18/2006 6:39:03 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:

He wont be answering you. His account has been locked (yay!).

He said he was almost 17 in another thread. I think maybe a reincarnation of FOX-

Thanks for the info, I don't think he'll be too missed around here.

Posted: 3/18/2006 7:08:49 PM EDT

[#6]

Had a bad crash while back & one (1) Jehovah's Witnesses dude (late 20's) was hurt really bad.

Got to the hospital & he refused blood or the life saving operation he needed.

He left behind a wife and 3 kids.

Stupid bastard..........................................................................................

Posted: 3/18/2006 7:14:22 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Next time I think I'll tell them that I worship Baal.

I'm sure they are coming back...they mark your address if you at least answer the door and talk to them.

Maybe we could get you into the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

CO

Posted: 3/18/2006 7:22:13 PM EDT

[#8]

I just tell them that I'm worship Godzilla. They will give me a puzzled look, then I go on to explain that when I comit a sin, like murder, Godzilla kills a few thousand Japaneese and my soul is good. I don't get too many repeat visits.

Posted: 3/18/2006 7:22:54 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Had a bad crash while back & one (1) Jehovah's Witnesses dude (late 20's) was hurt really bad.

Got to the hospital & he refused blood or the life saving operation he needed.

He left behind a wife and 3 kids.

Stupid bastard..........................................................................................

Yeah, they are selfish. They say "if God wants to take me, than let him take me" or something like that. Well...if man can save you and you let yourself die...then isn't that basically suicide?

I'm sure his wife and kids were happy that he sacrificed himself for them...

Posted: 3/23/2006 4:30:15 PM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
Quoted:
1. Hang a US flag near your front door.

2. The next time JW shows up, tell them they can come in as soon as they say The Pledge of Allegiance with you.

3. Watch JW leave quickly.

What's up with that?
I am going to ask my JW co-worker on Monday.

It's true. He'd also never fight for his country. He would'nt even take a desk job. Changed my opinion of him highly.

He was proud to tell me that JW's remained in Nazi death because they would not renounce thier religion. If it were not for Allied Soldiers he'd be rotting there too.

Posted: 3/23/2006 4:48:15 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
While I too have wanted at times to answer the door with an erection covered in motor oil and jumper cables clamped to my nipples, I realize that they are just doing the ~~work of their church~~ bidding of their cult masters and mean to have your soul ~~ho harm~~.

I did have some Mormom missionaries next door to me help me move once, which I appreciated. They worked harder for free than most people I have hired to do work.

There, fixed it for ya. I actually have the Mormons come over once in a while cause my ex-gf was a member as a child. They are actually pretty nice, and always willing to help move or whatever else you may need. They also know the meaning of "I'm not interested"...

Posted: 3/23/2006 4:49:05 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
I gew up with a Kingdom Hall directly across the street from me. Boy was that fun on Sunday mornings.

They finally left me alone when I told them I was a Satanist.

On another occaision, my mother was working (her dental office was upstairs) and they came calling. One of her patients was an extremely intelligent and extremely devout Christian scholar and lawyer. She invited them in to make their pitch.

The guy thorouhly steam-cleaned their clocks.

Ah.....his God-Fu was stronger than theirs. Problem solved.

Posted: 3/23/2006 4:49:40 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Quoted:
1. Hang a US flag near your front door.

2. The next time JW shows up, tell them they can come in as soon as they say The Pledge of Allegiance with you.

3. Watch JW leave quickly.

What's up with that?
I am going to ask my JW co-worker on Monday.

I give him major shit all the time. Shit like this:
"Jesus died on the "I".
"What does YOUR bible have to say about it?"
"Who wrote your bible?"
"Ever stop to think that maybe YOUR god would like a break from you?"
"Is that pagon too?"
"Would you get pissed if a Army recruiter came to your door"
"DON'T come to my house."

Be careful man. It's only acceptable to insult Christianity...

Posted: 3/23/2006 4:55:55 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
1. Hang a US flag near your front door.

2. The next time JW shows up, tell them they can come in as soon as they say The Pledge of Allegiance with you.

3. Watch JW leave quickly.

What's up with that?
I am going to ask my JW co-worker on Monday.

It's true. He'd also never fight for his country. He would'nt even take a desk job. Changed my opinion of him highly.

He was proud to tell me that JW's remained in Nazi death because they would not renounce thier religion. If it were not for Allied Soldiers he'd be rotting there too.

Yeah when I was in USMC boot camp too many years ago to count I saw a couple pussies get out of there by suddenly "remembering" they were Jehovah's witnesses...

I think one of them at least got some time in the brig to catch up on his prayers...

Posted: 3/23/2006 5:02:21 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
A little known fact:

If they come pounding on your door with a plate of pancakes, they are Jemimah's Witnesses.

True dat.

Respect.

Posted: 3/23/2006 5:34:33 PM EDT

[#16]

IBTMB (In Before The Mormon Bashing)

Posted: 3/23/2006 5:45:14 PM EDT

[#17]

this fixes their shit real quick:

they only came by once, and i let the dog answer the door

Posted: 3/23/2006 5:49:23 PM EDT

[#18]

These days I just try and convert them to Scientology.

Posted: 3/23/2006 6:52:33 PM EDT

[#19]

Once upon a time, when I was a cop, some came by as I was leaving for work. I'm in full uniform, carrying a shotgun, rifle case , ammo can and a catalog case heading for my Blazer when the ask if they can talk to me for a few minutes. I lifted the guns and said I was kinda busy going to work but they insisted.
I asked if it was about religeon and they said yes. I told them I was religeous and belonged to a religeous group. When they asked which I told them I was a Druid and ran nekkid through the forest worshipping trees and bushes.
Funny, they never came back.

Jim

Posted: 3/24/2006 5:08:12 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
The "I am an excommunicated witness" send them scurrying as well. I am not but have a friend who is and gave me this tip.

Transfered from Spain to North Carolina. I was moving in and had movers and boxes everywhere. Witnesses showed up and wanted me to stop unpacking to listen to them. I declined as I was rather busy. They insisted I talk to them, again I told them I was rather busy. They again insisted that I talk to them. I then told them they were tresspassing and they needed to leave. They left after that.

Two Mormon Boys showed up after that on bikes. They locked their bikes to the porch railing rolled up their sleeves tucked in their ties and asked if they could help. "Of course you can!" was my reply. I worked them like dogs for an hour or two and bought pizza and non caffinated pop for them and us for dinner. They said grace and we ate.

Guess which church has the better image in my mind?

Yep. Tell them "I have been disfellowshipped", from then on they will treat you like a leper.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Jehovah's Witnesses (Page 2 of 2)

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