ETA: Evidently mr_wilson who has "been and here and posted this before I ever arrived" beat me to the punch. I hope you can get a laugh out of it anyway.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the "wrong" number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a###hole!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a###hole' next
to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a###hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a###hole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar
with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a###hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a###hole ( I had
his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW
a###hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an a###hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a###holes to call. Then I came
up with an idea. I called A###hole #1.
"You're an a###hole!" I said, but I didn't hang up.
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"A###hole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don, and you'd better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a###hole," and hung up.
Then I called A###hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a###hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick you're a###," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a###hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just
in time to watch two a###holes beating the crap out of each other in
front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.
FYI, here's the version I originally posted here long before you joined:
Here's an idea...
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
Just dial 823-4863.
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camero came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camero completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camero lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camero for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camero's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
ps - old dupe, very old dupe.............
Jeez, how big of an asshole am I? Guess I should of tried search first, huh?
It is amazing how far back you dupe nazis will go.
Well, funny as it is, it IS kinda hard to forget, you know?
You're a fu@king A##hole!
and stop calling me
It's still funny after all these years.
Does everyone forget that we get new members all of the time?
Not everyone spends all their ARF.COM time in the GD.
And you seem to be an A##hole!
Just kidding, it goes along with the joke.
Not easily offended at all. But damn let people read the joke and enjoy it, without one up-ing it by stating you posted it before.
And then posting his version just to prove it.
This is not the lunar mission, no one needs to race to plant their flag first.
ETA: I am glad a mod finally said something